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  1. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    Do you guys ever notice yourselves becoming less internally energized, or unenthusiastic & kind of dry & barren-feeling inside if you go a while without being engaged with someone in a romantic / relationship-type way?
    No, I wouldn't say it's like that. I've been single for over a year now and I wouldn't say my emotional state has changed all that much since when I was in a relationship a year ago. Of course there was a little hiccup when we broke up, but those bad feelings didn't last long. I function emotionally very much the same in a relationship as I do out of one.

    But I do miss it and I do seek that kind of companionship that a relationship provides. I don't "yearn" for it, but when it works I truly enjoy it. But I'd rather be single than in a relationship with someone who brings a lot of drama and angst to the table (seems to be a common NT need) so that's why I tend to be so picky. Even if I feel very strongly for a person, my feelings of limerance are no indication that a relationship is the right direction to take with them.

    I guess "romance" is a remote need in my ideal dating world. A relationship with someone should consist of "real," tangible feelings: everyday feelings. Comfort, the feeling you get while bantering with someone, having a great conversation with someone, being on the same wavelength as someone. It's about the company and the helping each other, being there for one another. What I find with some people is how much they want LOVE and PASSION and a SOULMATE and, honestly, I find those words to be meaningless...I'd even go so far as to say a turn-off.

    I guess I'm very down-to-earth in that respect.

  2. #22
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    This is very interesting to me. I see romance as an important element (and certainly an enjoyable element), but I'm even more interested in things like loyalty, trust, and a feeling of "we're in this together". Being best friends, partners in crime. If I can, I want to enhance your life and make your life better and happier, support you in the things/endeavors that are important to you (whether it be hobbies, career-wise, or other) and hopefully I can get the same exact thing in return. I want us to be the ultimate support system for one another - to literally enhance each other's lives. But, also, I want us to be complete and happy as individual people.
    That's a good thought-- the support-system element seems bound to be part of any good relationship, friendships, love affairs, parent-child interactions, etc. But if you ever find someone who somehow makes you better without you having to really change who you are, you've found someone you could share your life with. In effect you confirm your faith in that person, & grow along with them. Independently as an individual you have your beliefs, convictions, priorities, hobbies & skills & whatever else, but in terms of faith it's too uncertain until you find someone to entwine your world with.

    Cool!
    heh

  3. #23
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    But if you ever find someone who somehow makes you better without you having to really change who you are, you've found someone you could share your life with.


    Subtle changes, minor adjustments, and certain compromises will always have to made - that's just the nature of human relations, but the more you can *be you*, the happier you will be. If someone ever says, "You have to change A, B, and C before I'll spend my life with you" - run for the hills. Love is about letting the other person fly free and be who they are, it's not about caging the person like a pet alligator and telling them to obey your arbitrary rules (or else!). That's a recipe for pure disaster, cuz the alligator is going to want out of the cage - and badly! We gotta be who we are, be willing to compromise/accomodate those we love within reason, and from there, it either works or it doesn't. And that's what dating is for - to find out if it works or not. If it does, wonderful. If it doesn't, C'est la vie!

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    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  4. #24
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    This is very interesting to me. I see romance as an important element (and certainly an enjoyable element), but I'm even more interested in things like loyalty, trust, and a feeling of "we're in this together". Being best friends, partners in crime. If I can, I want to enhance your life and make your life better and happier, support you in the things/endeavors that are important to you (whether it be hobbies, career-wise, or other) and hopefully I can get the same exact thing in return. I want us to be the ultimate support system for one another - to literally enhance each other's lives. But, also, I want us to be complete and happy as individual people.
    I agree. Many aspects of a relationship are more important to me than romance, and there are far more ways of showing love for a partner. Romance is more like the icing on the cake, the spices on the meat. To me, romance is the little, often symbolic things we do with/for our partner to mark off a space and time as special for ourselves alone, to focus on enjoying each other's presence and being.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  5. #25
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    But think of how disgusting cake is without icing. You're basically left with a block of crumbly refined-carbohydrate bread.

  6. #26
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    But then again, you WOULDN'T want to eat just a heaping plateful of icing.

    Touche, cake inventors.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    I think I need to cultivate more Thinking-based relationships in my life. But the problem is that romance is very important to me. Truthfully, it's far more important than almost everything else. Intelligence & intuitive understanding & so on are nearly completely subsidiary to it, as far as I'm concerned, & I start feeling like I'm decaying or dwindling away inside if I go for a while without it.

    For example, after my girlfriend & I broke up, even though I was heartbroken I was immediately going out & trying to find girls to have romantic times with. & you think I mean sex by that, since that's what it would seem to mean, but actually since I was grieving I didn't even care about sex, all I wanted was romance (whatever that might be....).
    Your cauliflower is colorfully cultivated.

  8. #28
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    Your cauliflower is colorfully cultivated.
    That's the only way I'll eat it, know any good recipes?

  9. #29
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    But think of how disgusting cake is without icing. You're basically left with a block of crumbly refined-carbohydrate bread.
    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    But then again, you WOULDN'T want to eat just a heaping plateful of icing.
    Touche, cake inventors.
    Maybe it's just me, but most of the cakes I make are not iced. If the cake can't stand on its own, it's not worth icing. Tasty (or pretty) icing cannot make up for poor cake, and a little goes a long way.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  10. #30
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Maybe it's just me, but most of the cakes I make are not iced. If the cake can't stand on its own, it's not worth icing. Tasty (or pretty) icing cannot make up for poor cake, and a little goes a long way.
    Haha, this is all very true and a great analogy. Icing does taste good though, even by itself. Sometimes after the cake has been iced, I spend the next week or two eating the rest of the icing out of the container with a spoon. A spoonful a day may not keep the doctor away, but it keeps a smile on my face. Same can be said for the occasional indulgence in romance. Even so, you are right - a little bit goes a long way. If you ate the whole container, you may get sick.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

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