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  1. #31
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    I think this entire forum should be limited only to small talk. See if the activity of the site dwindles a bit.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  2. #32
    NPcomplete
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    I think this entire forum should be limited only to small talk. See if the activity of the site dwindles a bit.
    How about a small talk thread? We could practice our skillz.

  3. #33
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Good idea^^

  4. #34
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    It gets easier as you get know the people you are engaging with. It's not a art I have mastered well, but it's easier when it's a little more personal. Although it is a little more banter like.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

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  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    I think this entire forum should be limited only to small talk. See if the activity of the site dwindles a bit.
    This makes me:

  6. #36
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    ^ Panda in the hood.

  7. #37
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Ez78705 is right. I share your sentiments about smalltalk. I also feel stupid doing it, not so much because the things I am saying actually are stupid, but because I feel as if I am trying to be something I am not. If people think I am too serious and not enough fun, I do not need to spend time with them. My friends do not find this to be a problem. Saturned's assessment is also correct:

    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Most of my INTJ friends have the same problem that you have here. A couple will "indulge" in small talk for awhile... but it is always as a means to an end in achieving some mysterious goal/project they are working on. Ie, I need to get this person on board with what I want to accomplish... and if that means I have to sit for 5 minutes and talk about the weather then so be it... So long as the actual SRS BSNS project gets started promptly afterwards.

    And for the record... most of "small talk" is kinda dumb. I can be pretty good at it since it's just a part of my job working with lots of women... but I am not particularly fond of it.
    Reaching a desired goal is the usual motivation when I willingly engage in smalltalk. I still feel almost sleazy inside doing it, but all for a good cause. And yes, groups of women can be the worst for expecting smalltalk, though guys can have their moments as well, sometimes on different topics.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  8. #38
    The Eighth Colour Octarine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    I think this entire forum should be limited only to small talk. See if the activity of the site dwindles a bit.
    Well it hasn't so far...

  9. #39
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    My INTP hubby always trips over himself while talking small... for the same reason as the OP - thinking while talking. He gets so anxious that thoughts come flooding in and he's so focused on trying to say what he thinks people want to hear. Like it's some urgent matter of life and death, and he's failing.

    The thing is, he just has had to learn to *listen* while the other person is talking instead of being so stunned that someone is engaging him. If he simply drops the hysterics and listens, then he can respond and speak about whatever is the topic. But if he's all wired from the mere fact that he's being forced to interact, then when there's a silence, he knows he's supposed to say something so he panics and blurts out the dumbest shit - because he's trying to think about what the other person wants to hear at the same time that he's talking instead of genuinely saying his thoughts on the subject. What can I tell this person to shut them up kind of thing. Instead of give and take, it's panic and reaction.

    It's ok to pause. Listen, reflect (during a brief pause) and then respond accordingly. Not every interaction - big or small - is going to be meaningful or cure cancer. But small talk isn't always just about the weather.

    I love small talk (banter). It's like being a butterfly at a buffet of flowers. Just a little bit of this, a little bit of that. My problem comes with "big talk". I make one little comment and my INTP corners me for a half hour, not noticing that I'm gnawing my own foot off just to get away.

  10. #40
    Senior Member Hera's Avatar
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    Even if I'm not, I always feel like I'm putting people down when I participate in small talk.

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