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  1. #11
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo View Post
    OK, let's practice: It's sunny and warm today, in stark contract to the last 6 months! I'm loving it!
    Sarah Palin is an entertaining fool. Don't'ya know!
    I hope Jennifer Aniston is happy. Actually, I don't care. At least she's gettin' some...unlike myself.
    I understand your point about being "open" and all that. And I am. I talk about this stuff quite often with people. It just tends to get real old very quickly when it's talked about for, like, hours at a time. OK, even 15 minutes can put me in a lull. But, 3-4 hours of it can be brutal.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  2. #12
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    Im istp, what i do is collect sets of responses that i think are charming and use those when the situation calls, get them from extroverts

  3. #13
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    I know plenty of people who are stupid enough to use small talk. Rarely are they introverts.

  4. #14
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minute_Maid View Post
    Im istp, what i do is collect sets of responses that i think are charming and use those when the situation calls, get them from extroverts
    Haha. I used to work with a guy who would walk into the office in the morning and sometimes he'd just walk right past everyone and keep saying out loud (nobody was even saying anything to him), "Yep. Great morning. Uh huh, weather is great. Just like yesterday. Thanks, I like your outfit too. Yeah, just e-mail it to me and I'll look at it." Then he'd finally reach his desk and sit down and start working.

    He went on the "offensive" to deter the small talk.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  5. #15
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Interesting topic! I also struggle with this one too. Lately, I've been watching my fellow introverts who are very good at this, and one in particular has got a good way to go about it. She tends to ask people a lot of questions. Not the annoying type, but the general "I'm-interested-in-what-you-have-to-say" types. Often, they're very situational, so something concrete and in the moment. I think that the boring, details, situational things are often just a way of communicating that you're open, then more substantial conversation can follow. She might ask someone like, "so how do you like your program?" if she's meeting someone through graduate school, then you usually find something in common (a class, a professor, an activity) to talk about for awhile. I think that eventually if people start talking about what they care about or are interested in, conversations get very fun

    How does that sound? Is it something you could try on for it? Asking questions? It takes the onus off of you to keep a steady dribble of interesting things to say. I find that I simply can't do that, particularly when I don't know how someone is responding or what they're about (allowing me to predict how they'll respond). Yes, a blackbox of a human being before me is quite scary. I (hopefully inaccurately!) tend to assume they're thinking awful things about me (most often they are probably distracted or doing something with their brain other than picking me apart -- I realize this fear is not founded, but there it is. I'll be happy to see this MO go).

  6. #16
    Senior Member ICUP's Avatar
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    Don't think too much about it.... just do it. There is an element of stupid to small talk. Allow yourself to sound and be stupid sometimes. Most people do, and you might find that once you let your hair down, you have fun doing it. Then it becomes being fun instead of just trying to be fun.

    Put yourself in positions where it doesn't make any difference whether you sound stupid to you or not. In a lot of situations, it really doesn't. And remember that one person's smart is another person's stupid, so it's just your opinion anyway and not everyone's.

    Think of a list of things you wouldn't normally do.... put temporary red streaks in your hair, wear fishnets and a mini, go out and act like an airhead. And really find yourself not caring what people, or you, think....It can be refreshing, and a good way to dump stress and renew yourself. After all, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. haha.
    ISTP 6w5 sx/sp
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  7. #17
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ICUP View Post
    Don't think too much about it.... just do it. There is an element of stupid to small talk. Allow yourself to sound and be stupid sometimes. Most people do, and you might find that once you let your hair down, you have fun doing it. Then it becomes being fun instead of just trying to be fun.

    Put yourself in positions where it doesn't make any difference whether you sound stupid to you or not. In a lot of situations, it really doesn't. And remember that one person's smart is another person's stupid, so it's just your opinion anyway and not everyone's.

    Think of a list of things you wouldn't normally do.... put temporary red streaks in your hair, wear fishnets and a mini, go out and act like an airhead. And really find yourself not caring what people, or you, think....It can be refreshing, and a good way to dump stress and renew yourself. After all, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. haha.
    This is actually really good advice, if you ask me. I mean, without *actually* putting red streaks in my hair, I think you said a lot of good stuff here for everyone to consider. There really is an element of stupid in small talk, but it can also be fun at the same time. And, yeah, so many of us (*raises hand*) can take ourselves WAY too seriously at times. To look stupid once in a while, or to sound stupid, or to talk about stuff that you have no idea about - it's really not that big of a deal at the end of the day. Life goes on, even if you had a moment where you looked stupid. I learned something here from you: Be willing to let my hair down more often, even if I look like a fool in the process. If I do look like a fool, who really cares? More Ne, less beloved Ti. Even though I don't smoke, giving up Ti is going to be a bit like quitting smoking.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  8. #18
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prislee View Post
    because I resort to thinking while talking, which doesn't work very well.
    Isn't this what's pertinent in the opening post, not so much the small talk or unnecessary judgment of it?

    You'll find most people don't enjoy small talk and dread situations like work related cocktail affairs. And yet, if you change the term to banter, most people love it! The difference is that with small talk and banter, it's not so much what's being discussed but who you're engaging with.

    So if you like someone, consider it banter.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Isn't this what's pertinent in the opening post, not so much the small talk or unnecessary judgment of it?

    You'll find most people don't enjoy small talk and dread situations like work related cocktail affairs. And yet, if you change the term to banter, most people love it! The difference is that with small talk and banter, it's not so much what's being discussed but who you're engaging with.

    So if you like someone, consider it banter.
    banter (to me) is an engaged exchange of chat between people. it breathes life into us and makes us feel and think and dream.

    small talk (to me) is when people are primarily talking just to hear their own voice and are talking about topics that won't matter in 10 minutes, 10 years, or 10 million years.

    Edit: banter is to tennis as small talk is to monologues.

  10. #20
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Isn't this what's pertinent in the opening post, not so much the small talk or unnecessary judgment of it?
    Yeah, we just got off on another tangent.

    You'll find most people don't enjoy small talk and dread situations like work related cocktail affairs. And yet, if you change the term to banter, most people love it! The difference is that with small talk and banter, it's not so much what's being discussed but who you're engaging with.

    So if you like someone, consider it banter.
    I don't see banter and small talk as interchangeable at all. I could be wrong, but I've always seen them as very different things. Banter is a sort of back and forth "challenging" of wits, battle of wits or being intelligently funny. Small talk is ---------- well, it's small talk. It's not challenging, it doesn't require you to be fully engaged (you could do it with 1.5 eyes shut), and 75% of the time it isn't very funny. That's just my subjective view on it, though. It's not that one is "better" than the other, it's just that I personally enjoy banter, while I don't enjoy small talk very much at all.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

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