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Thread: Relating to People

  1. #11
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    549 sx/sp
    LII Ni


    I can actually relate to many types of people... but only if I already contain part of their pattern.

    I.e., I've got a bunch of past experiences and frameworks built on those experiences in my head, so I can overlay those fragments and patterns on the information I'm receiving from others, and if there's a match, then I can match up with them.

    However, there are some types of people I just have a lot of trouble with, and further from NT style thinking, the harder it does get. For example, with my two INxx kids, I "get" them really well and can identify with them, although with my INFJ daughter, there's some ambiguity.

    I can intellectually "model" the process by which my ESFP kid evaluates and acts on information, but it's not really something I can identify with, and I have to try very consciously and invest energy in working through things in his frame of mind -- it's alien to me. Nor can I extrapolate easily within his approach to life, whereas for other types, as long as I can get into their heads, I can extrapolate fairly well.

    The parallel to this with fields of study is that when you really understand something, you can build off of it because you grasp the inner workings and how it fits together; obviously I don't really truly "grasp" how he works yet, because while I can predict to some degree how he will respond, I have no clue why he doesn't proceed differently much of the time and how he justifies doing things the way he does them.

    EDIT: ... of course, if we want to talk emotional connection rather than mental/intuitive connect, it's even worse. Intuition is more my pathway than the emotional. My emotions tend to be more philanthropic than specific, and they are still built on (for example): (1) She says she feels like <this>, (2) I was in a situation like that once and felt like <this>, and (3) thus if she is feeling like I was feeling at that time, now I understand what she is likely feeling and can respond to her like <this>. Or I intuit how I would feel in that situation, try to tweak it based on what I know of her personality, then act accordingly.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #12
    Junior Member Array Macabre's Avatar
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    Jun 2011


    Actually, I relate best to people who's thinking patterns I haven't experinced before/am still picking through. It's more interesting to get inside their head. people on my wavelength and in the same room... start arguments with me until we run out of ammo <--------can take a long time. I'm in an argument with a classmate who thinks similarly to me, and it's been going for four years and hasn't stopped. we can't have a reasonable discussion where we agree for more than 30 seconds It's actually kinda cool. but yeah, picking apart peple's thought patterns (for future exploitation, if necessary) is fun. and agreeable. then once you've done it, move on, hehe.
    [muh-kah-bruh, -kahb, -kah-ber]
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    mrbluey: 3 parts Scarecrow, 2 parts Evoloved Snail, 4 parts Intoxicated Academic, 1 part Ineptitude.

  3. #13

    Default people..?.....More like stimulating there thought processes by indiscreetly formulating sentences that would appeal to them. Usually I do this to gather information needed to complete my broader, more detached goals. The general structure of the broader goal depends entirely on who or what I'm trying to relate to, but most likely I want to stir the pot because I am genuinely intrigued in a thing they have to offer (this thing can come in any way/shape/form).
    ...This hole thread seems a bit ironic in a sense because what I just described in lames terms would be relating to people; at least for non-NT types it seems this way I think..? We just over think everything [;

  4. #14
    Senior Member Array uncommonentity's Avatar
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    May 2011


    If the definition of the word relate is "to connect" then I connect with those that are the same as me because it's natural to want to grow by combining yourself with other likeminded property.

    I think? It's not something I think about but I'm pretty sure it's again just down to nature and there being strength in numbers and the fact we're hardcoded to survive.

    Opportunity is what it means to me.

    To splice or not to splice that is the question.
    Veni, Vidi, Cessi.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Array
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    Dec 2011


    Depending on the subject discussed, the person's personality, the process of their thinking and the depth of their experience, I can relate to a degree. I may not completely relate to their behaviors or their overall ideas but I can empathize with their views and put myself in their place, in order to learn and understand.

    There are some people, whether I've known them for years or for days, who I can never relate to. They think and behave so differently from me that I can understand their motivations for acting in such a way, but I ultimately feel disconnected from their lives.

    There are others who I instantly relate to: our conversations flow naturally, we have similar senses of humor, our views on reality are interesting to each other. We burn through ideas with enthusiasm and laughter; almost drunken on silliness, flirting with crazy levels of thought, connected on the same wave length. These are rare individuals, who I can be around all the time.

    Then there are people who I sometimes relate to, if we share a similar interest or way of viewing the world. Since I'm not naturally connected with these people, I need time and patience in order to fully trust them as individuals. They are the types who I develop relationships with over a number of years.

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