Makes me angry to even think about it, and that's why I probably can't figure this on my own.
I got an INTJ sister. I used to tolerate her, but I can't say exactly that it was always pleasurable. When I would hang out with her, I always had to kind of watch what I had to say, so as not to say anything too "weird" or too "stupid" because she would instantly label it as so. Another thing, the belittlement, that really got on my nerves. Whenever I would hang out with her, at least once during the hang out she would rub it into my face that I'm a drop out (she was in college, so I guess that made her feel superior?). Another thing, she's got an ESTJ husband. I respect him, and I respect her choice, but I feel awful when near the guy. I worked for him, and every little single fucking thing I did slightly wrong was like a personal fucking insult to him. I wanted to murder the bastard. I mean, if you got the coffee the wrong size, it was the end of the mother fucking world. He would talk about it for half hour, as if I just murdered half of the human population. It was a BIG DEAL. So, I wanted to pretty much avoid the guy.
In any case, I begun seeing her less and less. Not so much by conscious choice. I guess the desire to call her wasn't there anymore. I need to get up on my feet and do stuff, and seeing her only made me weaker since she busted my balls, rubbing in my faults and weaknesses. It only made me feel more and more insignificant, weak, unable, incapable, broken. Thing is, being the loser I am, I still lived with parents. So she would come over to see parents, and if I hung around she would rub the school thing in even harder and I could see it made her happy to do so. And I just sat there, like a pussy, and took it all, feigning that it did not matter to me. The worst part was, when eventually she said that "my opinion does not matter, since you can't even finish high school". I could not even speak up at the table anymore, because everyone would politely wait till I was through and then pretend like I said nothing and say something like "Is the tea ready?" and move on.
I just stopped coming out of my room when she came over. I didn't need this shit. Then, I was constantly belittled by her whenever I did the mistake of actually going out of the room for something. "You've locked yourself into that room and you would not even see your own sister!". Right, I was the bad guy, because "it did not matter to me" when she came over. Catch 22, really.
But, I only had to handle her few times a month though. It was bearable, and I could slowly started thinking that maybe I was still a human being. However, this all changed when she got pregnant. She quit college for now, and she and her husband and my parents bought a house. Now, she would visit them almost every day or every second day. I just try to stay in my room when she comes over. Actually, I just go to sleep because her presence instantly makes me feel that I am the lowest scum and should just die. I instantly feel tired and drained, and for few hours I am incapable of any activity that would better my situation, so I just sleep.
This could be just my mistake of perception, but I have a sense that she feels miserable when I do good and great when I do bad. When she, who was in a fucking chess school her entire childhood, won a game of chess against me, who played the fucking game only 20 times in his entire life, she jumped up unable to contain her pride and glee. I just kind of sat there like "It's just a game, right?" thought I.
One day she stormed into my room, basically, and told me not to date a certain person. I was threatened that if I did do something, it would be taken up with everyone and the whole thing would basically turn into a shitstorm. Being drunk, and sort of merry and happy at the moment, I just said yeah, okay. But later I realized that I felt even more castrated since I wasn't even allowed to make that decision for myself. [Although, it was a bad decision, I still think I should be allowed to make bad calls on my own...]
I ignored her from that point on and never came to visit her anymore at all. She got mad at that. She said she "wanted a brother who would come visit her, would be interested in how she's doing" etc. And she probably is, she probably really wants me to be friendly with her.
I don't know, I'm sure I have my flaws. Maybe I'm failing to see this the proper way. Maybe I am the bad guy here. Regardless, I have to build up from scratch and begin my own life. I need to start taking care of myself. I think that interaction with this person brings a level of complexity that I am not capable of handling in a suitable manner, and I think that this person has negative impact on me. She maybe a well meaning person who's just got caught up in her own game of acting like she's tough, but I do not think I have the resources to deal with that in a mature manner. I'm barely starting to take care of myself, and I honestly don't think I can handle this as well. Fuck, I don't wanna be mean and cut her out, but fuck, I don't wanna be nice and live with my parents and her for the rest of my life.
EDIT: Here's to hoping she would not come across to this page. *fingers crossed* ... I'm sure it would just give her material to fire at me...