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Thread: INTJ sister.

  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf View Post
    Rule following is not one of our long suits, and we wouldn't care much if someone else was unless it was directly impacting us. We're aware of them, but we only follow them when they are helpful to us, and we readily break them if they're not. Sounds rather ISTJ-ish, actually.

    Our high expectations tend to be intellectual ones, not rule-following ones.
    Parents doctors, grandparents teachers. Purty intellectual and all. She was gonna be a lab rat. I've yet to finish high school. :sad:

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    Not caring about rules is not the same thing as refusing to follow them. If more is to be gained from following the rules than from disobeying them, then an INTJ will follow them, in my experience. This is why many INTJs are not that rebellious. We don't rebel for the sake of rebellion.
    True. Again, we do it because it's expedient, not because we care about them. Enforcing or even citing rules is very rare for us. It's one of the reasons the stories above don't sound like anyone of our type.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I really think it can be a firstborn thing. She only does it with her siblings.
    I'm a firstborn, too. My brothers got into all sorts of trouble and it only bothered me when my father dragged me into it to help fix it. I always told him to let them learn from their mistakes, but he constantly bailed them out. There were no expectations. It's just not in our nature.

    Personal responsibility: being responsible for yourself, taking responsibility for your actions, being independent, not expecting other people to take responsibility for you or to figuratively or literally clean up your messes. As an example, I'll point to the frequency with which INTJs are libertarians, at least the ones on this forum.
    Yes, and we also seem to be in a select range of technical professions. Again, we don't enforce laws or remind people of them, though we might come up with ones that are sensible and fair (or, if evil, like our buddy Uber here, we might use them for our own devious purposes).

    Oh, she normally only cares if it impacts her. Siblings and classmates acting like idiots can screw with your life, even if it's indirect. Also, INTJs are not exempt from normal, human, sibling rivalry and according to the descriptions, all T types value fairness. As a rule, most humans do.
    There's a difference between that and expectation. We just don't care unless we see a connection. At the most, I might give someone a weird look if they're acting unreasonably, but it still doesn't really matter unless it actually impacts me.

    Today, I have a prime example:
    Parking vultures. I hate these people and wish to torture them in the most painful ways possible. They stop everyone behind them and don't even think about anyone stuck due to their inconsiderate actions. It should be legal to push them out of the way when they do that. Today two of those pieces of shit stopped a long line of cars (including me) for 10 minutes while one waited on someone to pack all their stuff and back out. In that time another vulture right behind them noticed someone getting into a car near them and after vulture 1 took the spot (it wasn't even a choice one, all the way across the parking lot from the mall) so after 1 got in we all thought we would be able to go, but them 2 just sits there until this other person gets out. But, no, vulture 2 was too close to the car they were trying to replace, so the idiot starts BACKING UP.

    OMG. I WANT TO KILL.

    All the while, I watch 9 cars pull out in neighboring lanes where others grab them because there are no vultures.

    Also, it's possible that you do not have a close relationship with your parents that daughters, even T ones, tend to have. I mean, I'm pretty sure an INTJ wouldn't allow her child to be mistreated by others simply because it did not effect her personally. Maybe rainfall's sister feels protective of her parents. INTJs are not exempt from normal feelings of family loyalty and protectiveness.
    My relationships are...different. Close relationships aren't something we do much. We would only step in if such mistreatment was unusual, otherwise we would want them to handle it and stand on their own two feet. Autonomy and self-sufficiency are things we highly value, so we would do things to help others increase these traits. See your "personal responsibility" section.

    Quote Originally Posted by rainfall View Post
    Parents doctors, grandparents teachers. Purty intellectual and all. She was gonna be a lab rat. I've yet to finish high school. :sad:
    Never bothered me that my brothers didn't graduate high school while I graduated very early and have a college education. My opinion of them would be the same regardless of education, just as it is with everyone.

    My brother has been in jail for 6 months. He couldn't read before he ended up in there. Since he has been there, he has had no education, but he has been learning to read. The fact it isn't formal has no bearing on it to me, because I don't care how it happens. In fact, I respect his drive and ability to learn against difficult odds. When I heard about this, I did the best thing I could think of to support it... However, I never pointed out that he couldn't read, nor did it matter to me aside from my feeling sorry for him because reading is second nature to me.

    We also know that negativity doesn't help, so we try to make the best of what is possible and help others to do the best they wish to do whenever we can.
    I 100%, N 88%, T 88%, J 75%

    Disclaimer: The above is my opinion and mine alone, it does not mean I cannot change my mind, nor does it guarantee that my comments are related to any deep-seated convictions. Take everything I say with a whole snowplow worth of salt and call me in the morning, if you can.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf View Post
    Never bothered me that my brothers didn't graduate high school while I graduated very early and have a college education. My opinion of them would be the same regardless of education, just as it is with everyone.

    My brother has been in jail for 6 months. He couldn't read before he ended up in there. Since he has been there, he has had no education, but he has been learning to read. The fact it isn't formal has no bearing on it to me, because I don't care how it happens. In fact, I respect his drive and ability to learn against difficult odds. When I heard about this, I did the best thing I could think of to support it... However, I never pointed out that he couldn't read, nor did it matter to me aside from my feeling sorry for him because reading is second nature to me.

    We also know that negativity doesn't help, so we try to make the best of what is possible and help others to do the best they wish to do whenever we can.
    Must be nice to be in your family.

  4. #54
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    "We INTJs"

    Unless you meant something else.
    I 100%, N 88%, T 88%, J 75%

    Disclaimer: The above is my opinion and mine alone, it does not mean I cannot change my mind, nor does it guarantee that my comments are related to any deep-seated convictions. Take everything I say with a whole snowplow worth of salt and call me in the morning, if you can.

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf View Post
    "We INTJs"

    Unless you meant something else.
    Family family. Mom dad brotha sista. From what I understand, healthy family dynamics are passed down, taught, even. I guess there wasn't much to pass down in case of our parents. I mean, their parents barely saw them...

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainfall View Post
    Family family. Mom dad brotha sista. From what I understand, healthy family dynamics are passed down, taught, even. I guess there wasn't much to pass down in case of our parents. I mean, their parents barely saw them...
    I forgot to ask, but how old are you that not finishing high-school affects you and that she keeps referring to that? If it is say, a year out, it's probably because she has nothing new to focus on about you?

    What do you plan to do next though? For yourself? That is more important... Sometimes, with family, the only thing we can do is accept, but we still have to move on, and grow in other ways, or we'd stagnate.

    Also, the more you build for you, the less the sting of sibling rivalry - shift the focus, simply, from what you didn't do, to what you are doing, and can accomplish.

    Hope that helps...

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainfall View Post
    Family family. Mom dad brotha sista. From what I understand, healthy family dynamics are passed down, taught, even. I guess there wasn't much to pass down in case of our parents. I mean, their parents barely saw them...
    My immediate family was/is anything but healthy. Just trust me on this.
    I 100%, N 88%, T 88%, J 75%

    Disclaimer: The above is my opinion and mine alone, it does not mean I cannot change my mind, nor does it guarantee that my comments are related to any deep-seated convictions. Take everything I say with a whole snowplow worth of salt and call me in the morning, if you can.

  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by aelan View Post
    I forgot to ask, but how old are you that not finishing high-school affects you and that she keeps referring to that? If it is say, a year out, it's probably because she has nothing new to focus on about you?
    Oh yeah. 22. Been 4 years. Not all of it was spent slacking, there were bouts of work half year-year long with breaks. Hate work, never had self-discipline to study. I guess I should just move out. That way, I'd be forced to deal with reality.

    What do you plan to do next though? For yourself? That is more important... Sometimes, with family, the only thing we can do is accept, but we still have to move on, and grow in other ways, or we'd stagnate.
    Plans? I'm not sure. Never planned to make it past 19.
    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf View Post
    My immediate family was/is anything but healthy.
    So what happened? Ya got out as quick as possible and moved on?

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainfall View Post
    So what happened? Ya got out as quick as possible and moved on?
    Pretty much. It's a long story.
    I 100%, N 88%, T 88%, J 75%

    Disclaimer: The above is my opinion and mine alone, it does not mean I cannot change my mind, nor does it guarantee that my comments are related to any deep-seated convictions. Take everything I say with a whole snowplow worth of salt and call me in the morning, if you can.

  10. #60
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    I have an INTJ friend, and honestly I couldn't imagine how horrible it would be being related to him. Like others have said of INTJs, when he's threatened or depressed he has no problem being critical of others even knowing it's unnecessary and will hurt somebody's feelings. Getting her back is hopeless; the reason this works so well for them is if they recieve a taste of their own medicine, they don't care at all. My advice is to argue on a rational level; ask if she really thinks her criticism is helping anyone and whether she feels good criticizing you; INTJs often don't like the thought of letting their emotions control their actions, moreso than the other NTs.

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