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  1. #1
    Junior Member Satan's Avatar
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    Default NT's way of getting to know people

    Good evening. I couldn't find any threads about this so here we go

    Last night i was having a discussion with a friend and we talked about the concept of getting to know people. Her method was kinda simple - make a good first impression, try to make them laugh, find commonalities blabla. She was simply trying to show good sides of herself to make people like her. I've figured that's what most people do..

    But I do different. I switch between being funny/nice and a complete asshole. I annoy people, make them irritated and angry, I start discussions about sensitive stuff (religion, politics etc); "testing" peoples opinions and moral standpoints by pretending to have opinions I doesn't really have, just to see how they're going to react about it.

    I then go back to being funny/nice to keep them liking me. This allows me to figure out and get to know another person inside out in a short amount of time, while only showing the parts of myself I want them to see. The best parts of myself but also my weaknesses is what I always try to cover and only show to a very selected few.

    Most of the times this leads to other people thinking they know me and somehow believe they're my valued friend, while in reality they don't know me and their value to me is.. eh.. somewhat comparable to how I value a pawn in a game of chess.

    I haven't really decided if this is something positive or negative yet, the whole thing is kinda sick when i think about it. But I think it's a very time-sufficent way of getting to know people and it also protects me from all the dishonest, retarded morons that are out there.

    Are any NT's familiar with this?
    What's your way of getting to know people?
    “Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.”

  2. #2
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    Yeah! I'm pretty much like you, more or less... a bit different in some details. I don't become a complete asshole, but I don't like meeting someone and it's all nice and wonderful and free of conflict. I like to introduce some sparks and friction. Not that much that I deter them, but to the point where that "sweetness" is gone. With sweetness I mean this feeling that most women probably had when they were watching the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

    I also don't like adapting my presence to people. I present myself the way I am: I respect them, I don't fool them, and I'm very frank. Bad thing about that is that you sometimes snub people. I've toned it down since. I'm still frank, but I use milder words. Good thing is that people always come to you to hear your honest opinion-

  3. #3
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    im actually a "soft" intp in that i usually don't spark arguments unless i really need to, especially when i realize the other person is the type who will reject reason in favor of irrational feeling (usually SFJs) or threaten a physical confrontation (usually STP). i'm actually very quiet for the most part and get even quieter when im around more people because i am constantly examining them. when i meet others, i usually assess their intelligence - what they know, their views, social personality, etc. - and think if i should continue talking to this person.

    idk...i feel like discussing sensitive stuff around people you dont know is just obnoxious and rude. i only do that with friends. i do agree that what you see is what you get with me. i usually dont pull the conformity angle with others, unless i see advantages. i'm pretty straightforward on my thoughts.

    >But I think it's a very time-sufficent way of getting to know people and it also protects me from all the dishonest, retarded morons that are out there.

    on the other side of that coin, there are some friends that you'll never meet who could have been a good friend to you, but based upon your first impression, avoided you after typing you as difficult. i think there are some kinds of friends that take a little "more" to get to know them - i had a friend who i'd known over the years as an acquaintance (we have different views/personality types), but i later realized we both had similar senses of humor and helped me out in couple of jams.

    you always want to keep your options open, dude.

  4. #4
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    I don't do anything to manipulate them, preferring to sit back and observe patterns of behaviour while being myself. When a pattern appeals, I'll pursue friendship or respond to their attempts to connect.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Killjoy's Avatar
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    I usually hack into their computers...

    or raid their panty drawer.

  6. #6
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    dunno, i just try to be myself or i cant say a word. being myself doesent necessarily mean showing everything about me, for example if im hanging out first time with some people selling weed or painting graffiti, who listen to rap only etc i wont talk about typology or beautiful sunset or stuff like that, but i wont fake myself, just not going to show all sides of me. in the past it has been too much me being all quiet and observing(i get to know them, but they wont know me at all) or plain drunktard, but luckily i have learned to get out of that a bit(still gt a bit learning to do tho).
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    I don't do anything to manipulate them, preferring to sit back and observe patterns of behaviour while being myself. When a pattern appeals, I'll pursue friendship or respond to their attempts to connect.
    That's my approach too. I used to be very picky but not any more. Once I feel a bit more comfortable with them, I start prodding them a little bit.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Satan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scorquendo View Post
    on the other side of that coin, there are some friends that you'll never meet who could have been a good friend to you, but based upon your first impression, avoided you after typing you as difficult.
    That's very true. I've learned the hard way what kind of people I have to be more careful with. I try to never cross that "line" which will make the other person shut me down completely, and that line is placed differently with different people.

    It sure has gotten really messy sometimes, and yes there are probably some people who could have been a good friend. But most of my best friends would never had been my friends if i hadn't pissed them off. Because I do piss people off, and if they can't take it we will probably not get along anyway.
    “Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.”

  9. #9
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satan View Post
    But I do different. I switch between being funny/nice and a complete asshole. I annoy people, make them irritated and angry, I start discussions about sensitive stuff (religion, politics etc); "testing" peoples opinions and moral standpoints by pretending to have opinions I doesn't really have, just to see how they're going to react about it.
    I don't do the testing peoples' opinions thing at all. I only bring up sensitive stuff with people I know well and trust.

    I get to know people by asking them questions, looking for common interests. If there is some common interest, I'll ask more questions to delve deeper.
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  10. #10
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satan View Post
    That's very true. I've learned the hard way what kind of people I have to be more careful with. I try to never cross that "line" which will make the other person shut me down completely, and that line is placed differently with different people.

    It sure has gotten really messy sometimes, and yes there are probably some people who could have been a good friend. But most of my best friends would never had been my friends if i hadn't pissed them off. Because I do piss people off, and if they can't take it we will probably not get along anyway.
    I have to question your methodology of connecting with people.

    Why the need to create negativity, trust and respect issues right out the gate?

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