[NT] NT's way of getting to know people

[Satan]

Good evening. I couldn't find any threads about this so here we go

Last night i was having a discussion with a friend and we talked about the concept of getting to know people. Her method was kinda simple - make a good first impression, try to make them laugh, find commonalities blabla. She was simply trying to show good sides of herself to make people like her. I've figured that's what most people do..

But I do different. I switch between being funny/nice and a complete asshole. I annoy people, make them irritated and angry, I start discussions about sensitive stuff (religion, politics etc); "testing" peoples opinions and moral standpoints by pretending to have opinions I doesn't really have, just to see how they're going to react about it.

I then go back to being funny/nice to keep them liking me. This allows me to figure out and get to know another person inside out in a short amount of time, while only showing the parts of myself I want them to see. The best parts of myself but also my weaknesses is what I always try to cover and only show to a very selected few.

Most of the times this leads to other people thinking they know me and somehow believe they're my valued friend, while in reality they don't know me and their value to me is.. eh.. somewhat comparable to how I value a pawn in a game of chess.

I haven't really decided if this is something positive or negative yet, the whole thing is kinda sick when i think about it. But I think it's a very time-sufficent way of getting to know people and it also protects me from all the dishonest, retarded morons that are out there.

Are any NT's familiar with this?
What's your way of getting to know people?

 

[fragrance]

Yeah! I'm pretty much like you, more or less... a bit different in some details. I don't become a complete asshole, but I don't like meeting someone and it's all nice and wonderful and free of conflict. I like to introduce some sparks and friction. Not that much that I deter them, but to the point where that "sweetness" is gone. With sweetness I mean this feeling that most women probably had when they were watching the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

I also don't like adapting my presence to people. I present myself the way I am: I respect them, I don't fool them, and I'm very frank. Bad thing about that is that you sometimes snub people. I've toned it down since. I'm still frank, but I use milder words. Good thing is that people always come to you to hear your honest opinion-

 

[Scorquendo]

im actually a "soft" intp in that i usually don't spark arguments unless i really need to, especially when i realize the other person is the type who will reject reason in favor of irrational feeling (usually SFJs) or threaten a physical confrontation (usually STP). i'm actually very quiet for the most part and get even quieter when im around more people because i am constantly examining them. when i meet others, i usually assess their intelligence - what they know, their views, social personality, etc. - and think if i should continue talking to this person.

idk...i feel like discussing sensitive stuff around people you dont know is just obnoxious and rude. i only do that with friends. i do agree that what you see is what you get with me. i usually dont pull the conformity angle with others, unless i see advantages. i'm pretty straightforward on my thoughts.

>But I think it's a very time-sufficent way of getting to know people and it also protects me from all the dishonest, retarded morons that are out there.

on the other side of that coin, there are some friends that you'll never meet who could have been a good friend to you, but based upon your first impression, avoided you after typing you as difficult. i think there are some kinds of friends that take a little "more" to get to know them - i had a friend who i'd known over the years as an acquaintance (we have different views/personality types), but i later realized we both had similar senses of humor and helped me out in couple of jams.

you always want to keep your options open, dude.

 

[rav3n]

I don't do anything to manipulate them, preferring to sit back and observe patterns of behaviour while being myself. When a pattern appeals, I'll pursue friendship or respond to their attempts to connect.

 

[Killjoy]

I usually hack into their computers...

or raid their panty drawer.

 

[INTP]

dunno, i just try to be myself or i cant say a word. being myself doesent necessarily mean showing everything about me, for example if im hanging out first time with some people selling weed or painting graffiti, who listen to rap only etc i wont talk about typology or beautiful sunset or stuff like that, but i wont fake myself, just not going to show all sides of me. in the past it has been too much me being all quiet and observing(i get to know them, but they wont know me at all) or plain drunktard, but luckily i have learned to get out of that a bit(still gt a bit learning to do tho).

 

[NPcomplete]

I don't do anything to manipulate them, preferring to sit back and observe patterns of behaviour while being myself. When a pattern appeals, I'll pursue friendship or respond to their attempts to connect.

That's my approach too. I used to be very picky but not any more. Once I feel a bit more comfortable with them, I start prodding them a little bit.

 

[Satan]

on the other side of that coin, there are some friends that you'll never meet who could have been a good friend to you, but based upon your first impression, avoided you after typing you as difficult.

That's very true. I've learned the hard way what kind of people I have to be more careful with. I try to never cross that "line" which will make the other person shut me down completely, and that line is placed differently with different people.

It sure has gotten really messy sometimes, and yes there are probably some people who could have been a good friend. But most of my best friends would never had been my friends if i hadn't pissed them off. Because I do piss people off, and if they can't take it we will probably not get along anyway.

 

[Such Irony]

But I do different. I switch between being funny/nice and a complete asshole. I annoy people, make them irritated and angry, I start discussions about sensitive stuff (religion, politics etc); "testing" peoples opinions and moral standpoints by pretending to have opinions I doesn't really have, just to see how they're going to react about it.

I don't do the testing peoples' opinions thing at all. I only bring up sensitive stuff with people I know well and trust.

I get to know people by asking them questions, looking for common interests. If there is some common interest, I'll ask more questions to delve deeper.

 

[rav3n]

That's very true. I've learned the hard way what kind of people I have to be more careful with. I try to never cross that "line" which will make the other person shut me down completely, and that line is placed differently with different people.

It sure has gotten really messy sometimes, and yes there are probably some people who could have been a good friend. But most of my best friends would never had been my friends if i hadn't pissed them off. Because I do piss people off, and if they can't take it we will probably not get along anyway.

I have to question your methodology of connecting with people.

Why the need to create negativity, trust and respect issues right out the gate?

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

The whole "If they can't handle me at my worst, then they don't deserve me at my best.".

I poke gently.

 

[Satan]

I have to question your methodology of connecting with people.

Why the need to create negativity, trust and respect issues right out the gate?

To figure people out without showing parts of myself I doesn't want to show. Don't get me wrong, I doesn't start out by telling the priest that there is no god and he's been fooled since birth. At the beginning, I just annoy the person a little and then goes back to being funny and nice. And later, when and if the moment is right, I try a little more. Some people can be figured out completely in just a few hours at the same party by doing this, while with other people it of course takes a lot lot longer. Everybody is different.

The very temporary negativity can easily be turned into positivity by simply making people laugh, humour gets you out of everything except from jail. Interesting to read your views though.

 

[entropie]

Good evening. I couldn't find any threads about this so here we go

Last night i was having a discussion with a friend and we talked about the concept of getting to know people. Her method was kinda simple - make a good first impression, try to make them laugh, find commonalities blabla. She was simply trying to show good sides of herself to make people like her. I've figured that's what most people do..

But I do different. I switch between being funny/nice and a complete asshole. I annoy people, make them irritated and angry, I start discussions about sensitive stuff (religion, politics etc); "testing" peoples opinions and moral standpoints by pretending to have opinions I doesn't really have, just to see how they're going to react about it.

I then go back to being funny/nice to keep them liking me. This allows me to figure out and get to know another person inside out in a short amount of time, while only showing the parts of myself I want them to see. The best parts of myself but also my weaknesses is what I always try to cover and only show to a very selected few.

Most of the times this leads to other people thinking they know me and somehow believe they're my valued friend, while in reality they don't know me and their value to me is.. eh.. somewhat comparable to how I value a pawn in a game of chess.

I haven't really decided if this is something positive or negative yet, the whole thing is kinda sick when i think about it. But I think it's a very time-sufficent way of getting to know people and it also protects me from all the dishonest, retarded morons that are out there.

Are any NT's familiar with this?
What's your way of getting to know people?

To ENTPs it isnt really difficult to not get to know people. On the contrary our ability to observe, recognizte and interprete helps a lot to see with what person you are dealing. The most hardest thing for us is not getting to know people, like for example it is required in a professional business relationship. There you have a somewhat superficial contact and need the right psychological distance. Learning that is the real challenge

 

[MoneyTick]

I have to question your methodology of connecting with people.

Why the need to create negativity, trust and respect issues right out the gate?

That's the same question I wanted to ask.

Why provoke someone to the brink of insult?

A confrontational tone is not going to build an amicable relationship, it's just going to earn you quizzical stares.

When I meet somebody new (and I do almost every day) - I am an extremely friendly person, maybe even too friendly and warm. I love talking to people, and I don't get any satisfaction from giving them a dose of my abrasiveness.

I also avoid interjecting at opinions which are contra to my own; if someone's beliefs don't hurt me, I don't care for wasting valuable time in winning a worthless debate.

This is why:

Beliefs and opinions start off as small seeds planted in a person's mind. Ultimately, those small seeds grow into pillars of truth.

Even if based on false premises, I don't see the point of wasting hours trying to convince someone that their "pillar of truth" is erroneous. You can't change a persons beliefs in a short debate, it takes months and years to reverse-engineer what a person's mind has learned.

Therefore, why the hell bother? Unless its for the sake of my career or personal finances, I avoid debating because it accomplishes nothing.

If I have to negotiate a big-dollar business deal, then I must start strategically debating positions and values. If I have to convince a family member that their lifestyle is detrimental to their future, then I tear down their erroneous pillars of truth. If I have to convince a jury that the defendant is guilty, and my mortgage payment is contingent on it - then I reverse-engineer the story, psychologically nullify their value systems, and rebuild the case to how I want it to sound with some rhetorical varnish.

I monetize my negotiation skills, not test them out on new friends.

If you're a good person, then you would probably never think I'm an ENTJ.

If somebody is getting out of line, or there is an issue that directly impacts my personal finances or family - I hit the clutch and switch to my bitching gear. You wouldn't want to be the object of my wrath.

You get as good as you give.

If you are a reasonable person with common sense, you'll be my best friend. If you're looking for trouble, I just wouldn't care. If you're looking for trouble and you step on my big toe, run cause' you're my dinner-plate foe.

 

[A window to the soul]

Are any NT's familiar with this?
What's your way of getting to know people?

A mutual Q&A in the hot tub. Hint: never look or act like you've just been roasted in a pressure cooker.

 

[ScarletRoseTea]

I observe people from a distance before I try to initiate conversation. This helps me get a feel on what exactly i'm dealing with. I don't normally initiate conversation, but in the occasion that I do, it's most likely because I think the other person is interesting and i've determined they're not a threat.
When another person tries talking to me, I try to redirect some questions, and make it so that they talk more about themselves and I don't talk about myself if I don't absolutely have to. Most of the time I end up getting to know someone very well, but they don't know me at all.
As conversation continues I test to see just how far down the rabbit hole I can go. What private things can I pry out of them? I do have to be careful when I do this though, since sometimes I poke just a little too far, and I continue to push for the information even though they're resisting.

 

[ceecee]

I like to observe. If conversation happens I listen and pay attention to things about them. Mannerisms, accents, the topic they speak about..etc. I don't like to start things off with confrontation, what is the point if a possible friendship/relationship is developing? I also agree with not interjecting my opinions or viewpoints as a general rule.

 

[Hera]

I think I subconsciously test people. A small example is I'll say things that contradict each other and if they don't notice I'll say "didn't you notice I said blah blah and then blah?" and if they did, I'm really impressed. I never, ever do it to make them look bad though. I try to gauge the type of friendship we might have if it went past the niceties. I'm always very nice to people unless I notice there's a tension in the conversation. Then I either back off or give them a dose of tension back.