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[MBTI General] ESFP and INTJ... Just not compatible?

Sunny Ghost

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May 28, 2010
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2,396
how old are you, btw? i'm merely curious, because my INTJ is quite the touchy-feely cuddler. (<3 that tertiary Fi. ;) )

Each type uses similar functions, in different orders. Se/Fi/Te/Ni and Ni/Te/Fi/Se. Or rather backwards order.
Using another example in which two types use the same functions in reverse order, my type: ISFP and the ENTJ. I have a difficult time with ENTJ's. I'm Fi/Se/Ni/Te and they're Te/Ni/Se/Fi. For whatever reason, according to theory and my own personal experience... I find the ENTJ reflects back my weaknesses in a negative way. I tried dating one once, and this relationship was never going to happen.
I could possibly see the same thing happening with the ESFP + INTJ combo. Perhaps with the boisterous ESFP, the traits reflect back your weaknesses in a negative way. But that doesn't mean these relationships are doomed for failure. As you develop Fi and Se, and she develops Te and Ni, you guys could probably meet in the middle. I think it just requires some work on the count of both partners. Perhaps both partners needs to turn down their own strengths. I think with these opposite pairings, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and insecure in the face of the other.
 

DocRox27

New member
Joined
Apr 13, 2011
Messages
26
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w9
how old are you, btw? i'm merely curious, because my INTJ is quite the touchy-feely cuddler. (<3 that tertiary Fi. ;) )

Each type uses similar functions, in different orders. Se/Fi/Te/Ni and Ni/Te/Fi/Se. Or rather backwards order.

As you develop Fi and Se, and she develops Te and Ni, you guys could probably meet in the middle. I think it just requires some work on the count of both partners. Perhaps both partners needs to turn down their own strengths. I think with these opposite pairings, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and insecure in the face of the other.

I'm 20 years old. Uber touchy-feely apparently. =O

I understand pretty well the functions of MBTI, and I knew my girlfriend was the ying to my yang before we started dating. I saw her interest in me as an opportunity to explore the functions I would normally neglect... Plus, she's really cute and we have some very important views that function as common ground.

Anyways, I have improved my Fi function in the time I have been with her as she has improved her Te. There's a psuedo-pygmalion project going on between us, but it's not so much about critisism and sculpting. Instead of presenting flaws in the one another other, I will observe and find appealing characteristics in her that I feel I should improve on, and she does the same by observing my behavior. The polarity of our personalities have raised a few issues, but such conflicts have always ended with mutual understanding and effective compromise.

I'm not sure how we've come to function so well together. I do believe, however, that any combination of temperaments can have a harmonious relationship as long as both individuals are in a healthy state of mind and understand the degree of balance necessary to keep opposing functions from clashing too hard.
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I can see ISFP and INTJ together pretty easily. It's harder to imagine ESFP and INTJ though.
 

King sns

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
6,714
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I'm 20 years old. Uber touchy-feely apparently. =O

I understand pretty well the functions of MBTI, and I knew my girlfriend was the ying to my yang before we started dating. I saw her interest in me as an opportunity to explore the functions I would normally neglect... Plus, she's really cute and we have some very important views that function as common ground.

Anyways, I have improved my Fi function in the time I have been with her as she has improved her Te. There's a psuedo-pygmalion project going on between us, but it's not so much about critisism and sculpting. Instead of presenting flaws in the one another other, I will observe and find appealing characteristics in her that I feel I should improve on, and she does the same by observing my behavior. The polarity of our personalities have raised a few issues, but such conflicts have always ended with mutual understanding and effective compromise.

I'm not sure how we've come to function so well together. I do believe, however, that any combination of temperaments can have a harmonious relationship as long as both individuals are in a healthy state of mind and understand the degree of balance necessary to keep opposing functions from clashing too hard.

I love these types of conversations. The "sunset conversation" kept coming up in a relationship I had when I dated an ENTJ. We just talked about the thoughts we had as we climbed a mountain and then observed the sunset at the end. There were a lot of differences, as you could imagine. I would talk about what I envied in his view, and he would talk about what he envied in my view.
 

Sunny Ghost

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May 28, 2010
Messages
2,396
sounds pretty great, doc. so what's your worry on compatibility then? it seems as though you guys are making a great effort to make things work on both ends, though you are very different personalities.
 

DocRox27

New member
Joined
Apr 13, 2011
Messages
26
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w9
sounds pretty great, doc. so what's your worry on compatibility then? it seems as though you guys are making a great effort to make things work on both ends, though you are very different personalities.

The start of the relationship was pretty rocky, but thanks to my understanding of typing, it worked out very well. =P
 

Sunny Ghost

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Joined
May 28, 2010
Messages
2,396
awesome!

ha, in another thread, i'm actually trying to help convince that mbti is very useful in understanding and counseling. so, i'm glad you found use in it. :laugh:

me and my INTJ typically run into communication errors. he says something that wasn't intended the way that i took it, and i over react emotionally. but we're both working on this. the other problem is that i'm perhaps too compassionate towards others and helping others. i'm always ready to lend an ear to a friend in need or offer my couch if necessary. he doesn't seem to agree with this aspect of me. i told him he'll have to get used to it. :laugh:

what sorts of issues did you two run into in the beginning?
 
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