[MBTI General] ESFP and INTJ... Just not compatible?

[DocRox27]

Really? Everyone fascinates me to some extent. Especially those who are vastly different from myself. I imagine I could watch videos of people's boring, day to day lives all day long and never get bored. People's thought processes never cease to amaze me.

I know exactly what you mean. The moment I discovered MBTI, I was fascinated. Being with somebody who is the complete opposite of me can be frustrating, and sometimes I do feel like I'm missing an essential connection, but I see it almost as research. Diving into the mind of polarity to better my understanding of human function. Hers is a whole different world from mine, and I need to explore. I wish I could date every type of MBTI function just to see exactly how they differ from one another in the real world as opposed to paper.

That sounds cold... but it's true, and she does makuh me smile.

 

[King sns]

I know exactly what you mean. The moment I discovered MBTI, I was fascinated. Being with somebody who is the complete opposite of me can be frustrating, and sometimes I do feel like I'm missing an essential connection, but I see it almost as research. Diving into the mind of polarity to better my understanding of human function. Hers is a whole different world from mine, and I need to explore. I wish I could date every type of MBTI function just to see exactly how they differ from one another in the real world as opposed to paper.

That sounds cold... but it's true, and she does makuh me smile.

Exactly. The more I know someone, the more I think.... "wow..." There's so many perspectives on so many different things. We can all look at the same thing and everyone is thinking something different, drawing different conclusions. This is really obvious. But if you really think about it and really take the time to observe people, it's quite fascinating.

It's hard to get to know someone well enough to really know what's going on in their head. Dating is one of the few ways to do this quickly.

(Edit: Regarding the ESFP need for attention... Have you communicated with her about your need for space?)

(Double edit: There's have been a select few times where I've gotten to know someone and they literally have nothing going on upstairs. Or like a loop of only a few things. Very predictable. Those are people I've found uninteresting.)

 

[DocRox27]

Dating is one of the few ways to do this quickly.

Sometimes I just kidnap a random person, make them take an MBTI test, and then observe how they act when they feel their life is threatened. =]

...and how did you bold that text? I tried to the the whole <b> </b> thing, but that didn't work. Also, what's the HTML shortcut (or whatever, first forum ever) to reply to multiple quotes in one post?

 

[King sns]

Sometimes I just kidnap a random person, make them take an MBTI test, and then observe how they act when they feel their life is threatened. =]

...and how did you bold that text? I tried to the the whole <b> </b> thing, but that didn't work. Also, what's the HTML shortcut (or whatever, first forum ever) to reply to multiple quotes in one post?

Just highlight what you want bolded and click the "B" on the top left hand side of your quick reply. To multiquote, I'm not sure the code, I just click the little quotes on the bottom right hand side of the post I want to multiquote, until I get to the final quote and then I say, "reply with quote." All the quotes that you checkmarked will then show up in the box.

 

[DocRox27]

Just highlight what you want bolded and click the "B" on the top left hand side of your quick reply.

Durrrr, I'm always making things more complicated than they should be.

 

[Yamu]

I can't get well with ESFPs too,ESFPs always think that I am a freak.Usually I avoid contacting them.

 

[Saslou]

I can't get well with ESFPs too,ESFPs always think that I am a freak.Usually I avoid contacting them.

So you're a freak and i'm weird .. These are just small details which in the grand scheme of things mean so little

 

[ceecee]

I don't want my problems to become hers, so I don't talk much about them. Then it ends up becoming her problem because she's frustrated that I won't open up to her (which I have been doing more of lately.)

This is the identical conversation I had in my own head at one time. It's going to be a problem for the ESFP, just like it was for my ENFJ. You have to get over it, hopefully as long as she sees you're making a real effort she'll back off some.

 

[DocRox27]

(Edit: Regarding the ESFP need for attention... Have you communicated with her about your need for space?)

(Double edit: There's have been a select few times where I've gotten to know someone and they literally have nothing going on upstairs. Or like a loop of only a few things. Very predictable. Those are people I've found uninteresting.)

Yes, I've told her about my need for space, and she seems like she's pretty understanding. She's kind of falling head over heals for me, which I don't understand. I'm not sure what she sees in me, and I know if I asked her, she wouldn't be able to tell me. She's just not deep enough.

I have a hard time typing people of lower intelligence. Although it doesn't matter much since I try not to associate with feeble minds. To me, their MBTI type would read DUMB.

Distasteful - 57%
Underdeveloped - 89%
Maddening - 70%
Bugbear - 100%

This is the identical conversation I had in my own head at one time. It's going to be a problem for the ESFP, just like it was for my ENFJ. You have to get over it, hopefully as long as she sees you're making a real effort she'll back off some.

I can only hope. My skepticism is bordering on pessimism concerning any real future with this relationship, but I really do enjoy spending time with her as well as the psychological dissecting of a person so unlike myself.

Edit: I read that over to myself. Am I an asshole or what?

 

[King sns]

Yes, I've told her about my need for space, and she seems like she's pretty understanding. She's kind of falling head over heals for me, which I don't understand. I'm not sure what she sees in me, and I know if I asked her, she wouldn't be able to tell me. She's just not deep enough.

I have a hard time typing people of lower intelligence. Although it doesn't matter much since I try not to associate with feeble minds. To me, their MBTI type would read DUMB.

Distasteful - 57%
Underdeveloped - 89%
Maddening - 70%
Bugbear - 100%



I can only hope. My skepticism is bordering on pessimism concerning any real future with this relationship, but I really do enjoy spending time with her as well as the psychological dissecting of a person so unlike myself.

Edit: I read that over to myself. Am I an asshole or what?

Yea, a little bit of an asshole. Though, from what you said, it sounds like she's asking for it. I would have moved on already. (Not that you don't sound cool, just you're clearly not interested.) Also, I think your distance is probably what's causing her to pursue so much. That's just natural for gals.

 

[highlander]

Totally incompatible. All the ESFP I know: we can communicate on an acquaintance level, but that's about it.

The last party I attended an ESFP wanted me. But somehow it was just so boring. She was sexy and all that, but there was just no chemistry.

I think it could be challenging for the two types to have a long lasting compatible romantic relationship though I'm sure they could be great friends. The ESFPs that I've known are awesome by the way.

 

[ceecee]

Yes, I've told her about my need for space, and she seems like she's pretty understanding. She's kind of falling head over heals for me, which I don't understand. I'm not sure what she sees in me, and I know if I asked her, she wouldn't be able to tell me. She's just not deep enough.

I have a hard time typing people of lower intelligence. Although it doesn't matter much since I try not to associate with feeble minds. To me, their MBTI type would read DUMB.

Distasteful - 57%
Underdeveloped - 89%
Maddening - 70%
Bugbear - 100%



I can only hope. My skepticism is bordering on pessimism concerning any real future with this relationship, but I really do enjoy spending time with her as well as the psychological dissecting of a person so unlike myself.

Edit: I read that over to myself. Am I an asshole or what?

I don't know that I'd call you an asshole but it's rather dickish to keep her around when you think she's dumb or uninteresting or there's no connection. Personally, this type would make me crazy, not in a good way.

 

[Thalassa]

Did anyone but me notice where he said that he enjoys spending time with her?

 

[Andy]

Oh I'm sure any two types with opposing functions would be the same way in different manners. It's really quite amazing when you sit and think about inverse functions in such a close relationship. I mean, it could be seen as a complimentary relationship, but it could also be seen as a conflicting relationship.

Forgive me for being blunt, but I took quite a few shots while I was preparing dinner... Are your parents still together?

Edit: Judging by your grammar/type I would say you might be slightly intoxicated as well? If not, I'm sorry. =P

Yes they are and no I'm not.

 

[DocRox27]

Yea, a little bit of an asshole. Though, from what you said, it sounds like she's asking for it. I would have moved on already. (Not that you don't sound cool, just you're clearly not interested.) Also, I think your distance is probably what's causing her to pursue so much. That's just natural for gals.

I can see how the distance would be a factor. Also, her brother is most likely an INTP (even if he's not, he's definitely an NT), so I think she's used to being close with a rational. That, too, might be a factor.

I don't know that I'd call you an asshole but it's rather dickish to keep her around when you think she's dumb or uninteresting or there's no connection. Personally, this type would make me crazy, not in a good way.

I don't think she's dumb at all. We share a lot of important views, and there is some connection, just not as much as I'd like. I'm keeping her around with hopes that the connection will grow.

Did anyone but me notice where he said that he enjoys spending time with her?

THANK YOU!

Yes they are and no I'm not.

I'm glad there is potential for opposing functions to last. Sorry if I offended you with the edit. =P

 

[King sns]

Well she sounds like a nice, reasonable, girl... It's good that you enjoy spending time with her, but it doesn't sound like there's many sparks flying on your end. Sounds more like a friendship. I have some male friends like that, too.

 

[Andy]

II'm glad there is potential for opposing functions to last. Sorry if I offended you with the edit. =P

I'm not offended, mearly inclined towards being brief.

 

[Thalassa]

I don't think she's dumb at all. We share a lot of important views, and there is some connection, just not as much as I'd like. I'm keeping her around with hopes that the connection will grow.

THANK YOU!

You're welcome. I've put considerable study into attempting to understand INTJ males, so I look for the good when everyone else sees asshole.

Good luck!

 

[fragrance]

Here's and example of a potential conflict between the two:

It doesn't even have to reach that point of complexity. After I learned about MBTI it occured to me that the type I have almost no connection with are ESxP. We only tune in to the same wavelength at parties and similar occasions.

 

[DocRox27]

It doesn't even have to reach that point of complexity. After I learned about MBTI it occured to me that the type I have almost no connection with are ESxP. We only tune in to the same wavelength at parties and similar occasions.

That has become apparent to me. Keyword there is "almost". I think any type could have a healthy relationship with any other type, but some combinations will have a harder time than others making lasting connections.