User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 21

  1. #1
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    HUMR
    Enneagram
    6 sx
    Socionics
    iNfp Ni
    Posts
    1,521

    Default Help a Sad INTP =/

    I need some INTP insight. I need to know if the following problems are typical for the INTP, if you think it might be a phaze, and if you can offer up any suggestions I might give to an INTP who is very close to me, and having a really hard time with life.

    Is it normal for an 18 yr old INTP to be extremely pre-occupid with finding a girlfriend? This person is undoubtedly INTP. He might be very close to the t/f dichotomy, he's also been raised in a crazy feeler environment. But I find it a bit bizarre that he is sooo pre-occupied with it. He feels that he will never get a girlfriend. I've tried to keep him optimistic, but he isn't. Today he confided a few things to me that I worry about. But I don't know how to help him because I just don't understand.

    He told me that he doesn't feel. He doesnt understand why or how to make it better, and I can't help him because if anything, I feel too much. He told me that he fears that he won't have anything to give to a partner because of it. Says he can't connect on that level. Says he struggles to connect with most people on any level. He says that he can't find the words to to articulate his thoughts and never seems to come across people that bring up the things he is passionate about. I tried to get him to elaborate on what goes on in his head, but we got interrupted. He has quite a few friends that come over daily.. but its more of a superficial thing. I know him well and I know he is lonely. I love him dearly as he is my brother.. and I'd do anything to help him. Is this normal? Have you ever thought these things? What has helped you connect with people? Are there things that INTPs can do to not have such verbal/mental/emotional blocks?

    Any advice is appreciated.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #2
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    9,130

    Default

    Have you told him that there are crazy NF people who are quite fond of unfeeling robots?

  3. #3
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    Most of the time for me it was not being happy with myself and feeling stuck that brought out the longing in me. I dont see it as an INTP only dilemma. So many people get in to these cycles. My suggestion would be that you should talk to him about this some more. If he wants to talk about it, its because he recognizes there is a problem. Usually just him bringing it up suggests he knows he needs others help, otherwise he would have handled it on his own.

    Why Im not giving specific advice is because INTPs are as individual as everyone else. And if you are open enough any type will be able to help any other type through a dilemma. Okay one piece of advice, he needs to recognize that keep being passive makes the longing stronger and that the longing might be counterproductive because it hinders his own understanding of who he is/selfindentity. He needs to find self-motivation beyond the longing.

    And if he has no emotions or feelings, he would be better off at a psychiatric hospital. He needs to understand how his feelings and emotions define themselves in him and how much they actually interact with his "thinking". He might be surprised, if he's not too wacko.

  4. #4
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,422

    Default

    It might be a result of his crazy feeler environment.

    INTP's at his age struggle to fit in. We feel different, we think differently than other people, and we don't naturally fit in with big groups. We have to make a conscious move to act in ways to fit in.

    If he lives in a predominantly feeler environment, it's thinkable that he struggles with trying to be like those around him, while not understanding why people around him are the way they are, and more importantly, why he is not like them.

    His urge to find a girlfriend might be because he probably concluded that is what he needs in order to fit in his environment.

    I personally think it's a good thing, though. It's just how we INTP's function. We are either obsessed, or unmotivated. We don't really operate on a normal level. If he really wants a girlfriend, I have no doubt he'll be able to find one. If he doesn't want a girlfriend, chances are he never will. That he is concerned about not being able to be the right person for someone is something that goes away when love comes anyway. I know that from experience. I too often feel I am not a suited partner as per my single self. But if I really like a girl, I sure turn into one. Just comes with the love.

    And him saying he doesn't feel, is just saying he doesn't feel the same way others seem to do around him. INTP's feel, but we don't show this externally much. We cover it up and rationalize it with thoughts. We feel but don't deal directly with our feelings, we deal with it as logically as possible.

    ...

    I, as an INTP that concluded he did not need a girlfriend at that age, and thus lacking any motivation to get one, am entering a phase in my life where I'm starting to get really weird.

    I am starting to smile at babies.

    ...

    Like seriously, what the fuck.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  5. #5
    Senior Member Oeufa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    698

    Default

    He's an 18 year old dude. He's horny. Simple as
    Ti>Ne>Si>Te>Fi>Ni>Se=Fe

    And yes, there are such things as INTPs who overuse emoticons

  6. #6
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    HUMR
    Enneagram
    6 sx
    Socionics
    iNfp Ni
    Posts
    1,521

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Have you told him that there are crazy NF people who are quite fond of unfeeling robots?
    Ya, I've explained this. I've told him that even if he doesn't have a good grasp on his feelings he has so many other qualities, and that is when he brought up a lack of connection entirely. I wonder if growing up in an environment of feelers has caused him to measure himself against how we operate, and think something is wrong with him. I certainly hope not.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  7. #7
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    HUMR
    Enneagram
    6 sx
    Socionics
    iNfp Ni
    Posts
    1,521

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    It might be a result of his crazy feeler environment.

    INTP's at his age struggle to fit in. We feel different, we think differently than other people, and we don't naturally fit in with big groups. We have to make a conscious move to act in ways to fit in.

    If he lives in a predominantly feeler environment, it's thinkable that he struggles with trying to be like those around him, while not understanding why people around him are the way they are, and more importantly, why he is not like them.

    His urge to find a girlfriend might be because he probably concluded that is what he needs in order to fit in his environment.

    I personally think it's a good thing, though. It's just how we INTP's function. We are either obsessed, or unmotivated. We don't really operate on a normal level. If he really wants a girlfriend, I have no doubt he'll be able to find one. If he doesn't want a girlfriend, chances are he never will. That he is concerned about not being able to be the right person for someone is something that goes away when love comes anyway. I know that from experience. I too often feel I am not a suited partner as per my single self. But if I really like a girl, I sure turn into one. Just comes with the love.

    And him saying he doesn't feel, is just saying he doesn't feel the same way others seem to do around him. INTP's feel, but we don't show this externally much. We cover it up and rationalize it with thoughts. We feel but don't deal directly with our feelings, we deal with it as logically as possible.

    ...

    I, as an INTP that concluded he did not need a girlfriend at that age, and thus lacking any motivation to get one, am entering a phase in my life where I'm starting to get really weird.

    I am starting to smile at babies.

    ...

    Like seriously, what the fuck.
    Thank you for this.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  8. #8
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    HUMR
    Enneagram
    6 sx
    Socionics
    iNfp Ni
    Posts
    1,521

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Oeufa View Post
    He's an 18 year old dude. He's horny. Simple as
    While a year ago I believed this to be the case, as with any teenager... I realize it's not. I've asked him about it and he is very clear that its not such a physical need.. says that he is doesn't think sex is that important and is quite baffled at how obsessive his friends are about it. He sincerely seeks companionship.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  9. #9
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Posts
    18,086

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Ya, I've explained this. I've told him that even if he doesn't have a good grasp on his feelings he has so many other qualities, and that is when he brought up a lack of connection entirely. I wonder if growing up in an environment of feelers has caused him to measure himself against how we operate, and think something is wrong with him. I certainly hope not.
    how could he not tho? i imagine i would if i were the only feeler in my family...my family was full of feelers...so i've grown up thinking that is the norm

    my bf's dad is an intp and he's very warm and feish... he's fantastic with kids and an awesome husband from what i can see....so i'm thinkin intps in love will be just fine...
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #10
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,932

    Default

    I don't think being obsessed about getting a girlfriend helps, most women don't want a needy men.
    I've been there. Takes some time to find this lost self esteem.

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] Need help understanding my INTP, from an ENFP [affair?]
    By ladysummerquantum in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-22-2016, 11:10 AM
  2. [INFP] Help!! Help this sad INFP, pretty please.
    By Koocoomoo in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 05-06-2016, 02:17 PM
  3. [NT] HELP: INTJ or INTP?
    By EricF in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 02-16-2014, 03:14 PM
  4. [INTP] help get my INTP brother to actually do work
    By skylights in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 09-24-2010, 07:42 AM
  5. [INTP] Sad INTP
    By Sunshine in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 05-13-2009, 02:27 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO