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  1. #11
    . Blank's Avatar
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    I imagine that the problem isn't really that he wants A girlfriend. Anyone could get a completely random chick for a girlfriend, but that relationship would be pretty meaningless.

    I can only assume that the aforementioned INTP wants to be understood and not be criticized by someone else. He wants someone to appreciate him for who he is. Of course many people can fit this role; however, I find it extremely difficult to reciprocate such a state of mind without there being some sort of "click," "spark," or instant connection.
    Ti = 19 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Te = 16[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Ne = 16[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Fi = 15 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Si = 12 [][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Ni = 12 [][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Se = 11[][][][][][][][][][][]
    Fe = 0

    -----------------
    Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
    Man got to sit and wonder why, why, why;
    Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
    Man got to tell himself he understand

  2. #12
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    I would seriously doubt that he's an INTP.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  3. #13
    Senior Member Hera's Avatar
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    Yay, sad INTP week. Join the club. We have t-shirts, mugs, and for the kids: A sad INTP Wii game! Yes sir. Sit down, hold that remote, and stare blankly into space while feeling every inch of your body rejecting your sadness and suppressing any desires to give in to nature!

    ...I need some sleep. That was a no-sleep induced wit fail.

  4. #14
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    INTPs can be obsessive about almost anything, once they've convinced themselves that it matters to them. Had an ex beat himself up over our breakup for a number of years over something he did do, where I tried to make him feel better about it but nothing stopped the circular thinking. In his mind, had he not done it, we would still be together. That he couldn't find anyone else with chemistry as hot, just made it worse. Finally, I had to stop all contact with him with the hopes that he would find a way to pull himself out.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Hera's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    INTPs can be obsessive about almost anything, once they've convinced themselves that it matters to them. Had an ex beat himself up over our breakup for a number of years over something he did do, where I tried to make him feel better about it but nothing stopped the circular thinking. In his mind, had he not done it, we would still be together. That he couldn't find anyone else with chemistry as hot, just made it worse. Finally, I had to stop all contact with him with the hopes that he would find a way to pull himself out.
    I get like that too. I think it's the inability to deal with emotional surges, it messes with us. It's a foreign object in our bodies.

    And not one of the fun kinds.

  6. #16
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hera View Post
    I get like that too. I think it's the inability to deal with emotional surges, it messes with us. It's a foreign object in our bodies.

    And not one of the fun kinds.
    With the ex, I'm guessing it was more of a control issue. Had he not done X, he could have controlled the outcome therefore he was always in control. So in order to continue control, he had to stop time as at the point where he had control.

    What I've noticed from real life interactions with other INTPs, is in creating a framework for what is and was, there's a predictive nature to the future. He didn't predict that I would walk so I'm guessing that shook his belief in himself.

  7. #17
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    So in order to continue control, he had to stop time as at the point where he had control.
    For real. I have caught myself doing this on several occasions and had to tear myself away from those thoughts. Being an entrepeneur, this is one of my toughest issues to deal with. The company needs to keep evolving, even if things go right, you have to keep pushing it. And it's easy for me to fall in a stalemate if things go well.

    So far I've been able to deal with it just fine though. But definately not easy for me to do. :p
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  8. #18
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    from my experience, it's normal. i'm sort of in the same boat. i remember being offered a few chances to have girlfriends throughout high school, but i wasn't really interested in the social atmosphere of partying, dances, and being tied up. except for sex. i was definitely interested in that at all times, lol, and had i participated in the above, i probably would have gotten to that end a lot easier, which i suppose was a foolish move on my part. now that i'm in college, i've now had the desire for something long term which is probably a maturity thing (dont get me wrong, sex is still an important goal) and the problem for me is that i've never really had the experience in acclimating to the social norm of dating and college girls seem to have come to their senses with people like me; plus, they've had more experience and maturity in dating at this point, which is even socially awkward for me. my best advice is to distract himself with something else. like a previous poster said, intps become obsessive to things they think will mean a lot to them. occasionally, there's going to be mini-breakdowns, but he's going to have to deal with it because considering all the problems in the future/world, that should be the least importance in the grand scheme of things. it sucks, but the worst thing you can do is waste time and pout.

    what i did was distract my frustrations with simple joys of mine like watching classic films, writing, reading, discussing philosophy, and having the occasional beer or two. plus, remind him he's only 18.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Hera's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    With the ex, I'm guessing it was more of a control issue. Had he not done X, he could have controlled the outcome therefore he was always in control. So in order to continue control, he had to stop time as at the point where he had control.

    What I've noticed from real life interactions with other INTPs, is in creating a framework for what is and was, there's a predictive nature to the future. He didn't predict that I would walk so I'm guessing that shook his belief in himself.
    Certainly, but I consider even the need for control to be part of emotional well-being. With my first relationship, he broke up with me 16 times (!) and I felt, each time, that a part of who I was had been touched. "How dare he not value me" turned into "what the fuck is wrong with me?" and each time, this feeling was accompanied by a lack of control of the situation. Since I can easily brush off problems because I can see they're not permanent, it fucks with my head when other people don't, and if I want things to work out and they don't, I lose that control.

    /nonsense

  10. #20
    Supreme High Commander Andy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    I need some INTP insight. I need to know if the following problems are typical for the INTP, if you think it might be a phaze, and if you can offer up any suggestions I might give to an INTP who is very close to me, and having a really hard time with life.

    Is it normal for an 18 yr old INTP to be extremely pre-occupid with finding a girlfriend? This person is undoubtedly INTP. He might be very close to the t/f dichotomy, he's also been raised in a crazy feeler environment. But I find it a bit bizarre that he is sooo pre-occupied with it. He feels that he will never get a girlfriend. I've tried to keep him optimistic, but he isn't. Today he confided a few things to me that I worry about. But I don't know how to help him because I just don't understand.

    He told me that he doesn't feel. He doesnt understand why or how to make it better, and I can't help him because if anything, I feel too much. He told me that he fears that he won't have anything to give to a partner because of it. Says he can't connect on that level. Says he struggles to connect with most people on any level. He says that he can't find the words to to articulate his thoughts and never seems to come across people that bring up the things he is passionate about. I tried to get him to elaborate on what goes on in his head, but we got interrupted. He has quite a few friends that come over daily.. but its more of a superficial thing. I know him well and I know he is lonely. I love him dearly as he is my brother.. and I'd do anything to help him. Is this normal? Have you ever thought these things? What has helped you connect with people? Are there things that INTPs can do to not have such verbal/mental/emotional blocks?

    Any advice is appreciated.
    It's not that unusual. Such reactions are usually associated with their infeior Fe. Sometimes it gets ignored completely, other times you get this sort of uncomfortable reaction, a need to do something but an uncertainty as to what. It can be seen in ISTPs as well.

    Better that he learns to extrovert through Ne. What way he will go out into the world and explore those things that interest him. In doing so, we is likely to meet up with females who share the same interests as himself, which gives a much better chance of a positive reaction than fumbling about trying to forge a relationship out of nothing or demoaning his while in isolation. Encourage him to join clubs or societies associated with his interests. Once he is out there amongst people nature will take over and do its thing, with a bit of luck.
    Don't make whine out of sour grapes.

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