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  1. #11
    The Eighth Colour Octarine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by guesswho View Post
    Being romantic can mean a lot of things...
    Right. But what does it mean to you?

  2. #12
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    I consider myself very romantic, but teddies, hearts or valentines cards would send me running away screaming. It all depends on your definition.

    1ro·man·tic
    adj \rō-ˈman-tik, rə-\
    Definition of ROMANTIC
    1: consisting of or resembling a romance
    2: having no basis in fact : imaginary
    3: impractical in conception or plan : visionary
    4 a : marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of what is heroic, adventurous, remote, mysterious, or idealized
    b often capitalized : of, relating to, or having the characteristics of romanticism
    (etc.)
    I know that #2 refers to the the use in "he has romantic notions of life in the wilderness", but the connotation of "no basis in fact" might still be part of the problem. It is too easy to use pre facbricated gestures available at Walmart that are supposed to express very personal and individual feelings. Something just doesn't fit. It is too easy to be dishonest that way (probably without even knowing it, you just buy into a language that way).
    The socially established standard gestures feel impersonal and fake exactly because they are socially established rather than personal references. And the earlier on in the relationship they are used, the more ill placed they appear. I could tell you some hair raising stories!

    What makes me swoon is a guy who has my back. And I don't mean somebody who fights my battles; I mean somebody who, when he sees that I am having a hard day, makes me sit down on the sofa and lets in some hot water into the bath tub while he makes me some hot cocoa. I find caring (almost motherly) gestures very romantic and endearing. Another thing that works very well are little gifts that show how well he knows me and my taste. Even having my favorite cookies in stock when I come over can be a big thing for me.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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    Johari / Nohari

  3. #13
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    I have a hard time with this, too. I especially get irritated when someone gives me a gift or makes a gesture thinking I will like it simply because I am a woman.

    Though I will say this, I'm a big softie for my boyfriend now, it actually surprises me. It scares me too because I don't know why I'm like this over him. Well, I know why.



    Awesome.

  4. #14
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I think those "girl gifts" send a signal that the guy doesn't know you, and he thinks "girls like this," and that makes us profoundly uncomfortable, because we don't generally identify with "stuff girls like."

    I know personally, I can't be with anyone who I feel isn't with me because he likes ME specifically. If I feel like he likes me because I'm cute, but he could just as happy spending time with the sorority girl down the street or the Suzy Homemaker type, I can't relax. Probably self-preservation, because INTP women aren't typically "feminine," and he has to not just tolerate our quirks, but actively like them, or we'll both end up miserable or hurt.
    Something Witty

  5. #15
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I think those "girl gifts" send a signal that the guy doesn't know you, and he thinks "girls like this," and that makes us profoundly uncomfortable, because we don't generally identify with "stuff girls like."
    Yeah, that.

    And I also feel like, if a guy is approaching me that way consistently, then he really doesn't know me well enough to realize who I am... so why am I going out with him / in a relationship with him again? Neither of us are going to be happy. I can't play the sort of girlfriend/wife he apparently expects; and I need someone who is tapped into me, not in the social stereotype of a woman.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #16
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Off topic injection from another NT woman. If you have a really good shredder, stuffed animals won't jam it.

    *hates knick-knacky gifts*

  7. #17
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Off topic injection from another NT woman. If you have a really good shredder, stuffed animals won't jam it.
    *hates knick-knacky gifts*
    A la "Black Swan," I prefer the incinerator myself.

    (Or various actual experiments in physics, chemistry, and/or pyrotechnics.)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #18
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    A la "Black Swan," I prefer the incinerator myself.

    (Or various actual experiments in physics, chemistry, and/or pyrotechnics.)
    Haven't seen black swan but if there's a stuffed animal shredding scene, I MUST go see it!

    Ever detached then reattached in unusual places?

  9. #19
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Haven't seen black swan but if there's a stuffed animal shredding scene, I MUST go see it!

    Ever detached then reattached in unusual places?
    After stepping back from this conversation momentarily, it's no wonder that guys can't freakin' figure out what we want in a relationship.

    "She cut off the head of the teddy bear I gave her and sewed it back on its butt! She has disfigured stuffed animals all over her room! I dunno, doc -- do you think I should keep dating her, or should I just move to Tasmania, to be safe??"
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #20
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    "She cut off the head of the teddy bear I gave her and sewed it back on its butt! She has disfigured stuffed animals all over her room! I dunno, doc -- do you think I should keep dating her, or should I just move to Tasmania, to be safe??"
    *Doc closes chart notes*

    "I suggest you get your ass to steppin' now. Good day to you."

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