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  1. #1
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    Default INTP gift-giving

    I just received an unexpected and wonderful gift from an INTP. We have been friends for a couple of years (although I would very much like to be more than friends, I am too shy to make a move), and this gift far exceeds anything I would have ever expected from him.

    Can any of you INTPs tell me about who you give gifts to and what kind of meaning you assign to the act of giving gifts? Especially personal, perfectly-selected, impromptu gifts?

    Basically, I'm trying to decipher the meaning behind the act and if I'm assigning too much emotional value to it, as I'm prone to do.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Fan.of.Devin's Avatar
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    Here is my hypothesis;
    INTPs, being inferior Fe users, can sometimes derive great personal satisfaction from making those they care about happy/comfortable/content, etc...
    So naturally, gift giving could be one manifestation of this.

    I might also wager there's a decent chance he likes you, in that way.
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  3. #3
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    I agree with the above poster.

    I like to give gifts that are perfectly suited for someone whom I care about. I put quite a bit of thought into such things and those types of gifts signifies how much a person crosses my mind.
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    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    I agree with the other INTP's. At the very least it means that I'm really enjoying your company and I really appreciate our friendship and what we have.

    It doesn't have to mean more than this, but it very likely could. I usually do this sort of thing as a way of saying, "I'm very, very appreciative of you" or "I welcome you into my inner circle".

    Examples:
    -someone marries one of my family members
    -someone really, really connects with me in a deep and meaningful way and I'd like them to stick around (friends or more)
    -I really enjoy you and I'd like to see where things go

    Not to ruin the idealism (*beautiful, romantic music record comes to a screeching halt*), but the worst thing you can do is interpret the thoughtful gift to mean, "I've found my forever lover - I'm vowing my love to you until the end of time". Don't put that pressure on him. It definitely means something very, very heartfelt. But, it's more of a "warm, welcoming invitation" to go deeper than it is a "vow of undying love that is hereby unbreakable."

    I liked a girl once - was very interested in her. She eventually found out through mutual friends and she called me one night out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to go dancing (like right now!). That's not really my thing - especially for a first date - so we talked on the phone for about 20 minutes and had a nice conversation. I felt like I had let her down a bit by not going dancing, but I was very happy that she had reached out to me and showed interest. During the phone conversation, she had mentioned that her birthday was coming up. She also mentioned that there was this place (2 hours away) that she had always wanted to visit, but nobody had ever wanted to go with her. So, a few days later I called her and said, "I know this is going to sound crazy, but you know that place you've always wanted to go? I'll take you there for your birthday and we'll spend the day there if you'd like - I don't want to put pressure on you as we haven't hung out much before, but if you think you're up for a long drive, we'll go!" She eventually agreed to go and she is still grateful to this day for that birthday gift (we have long since been broken up), but it was my way of saying, "I didn't go dancing with you, but my answer is DEFINITELY yes - I'd like to get to know you better. Yes, yes, yes. Come into my inner circle. Only a few people get in, and I'm officially inviting you in. I have no idea what's going to come of it, but I'd like to find out."
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  5. #5
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    I also put a lot of thought into a gift and never really liked the traditional thoughtless gifts that are meant to be given on a specific date for some specific reason

    Like the others have said, a gift from us is a very good sign

  6. #6
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lisagreen View Post
    I just received an unexpected and wonderful gift from an INTP. We have been friends for a couple of years (although I would very much like to be more than friends, I am too shy to make a move), and this gift far exceeds anything I would have ever expected from him.

    Can any of you INTPs tell me about who you give gifts to and what kind of meaning you assign to the act of giving gifts? Especially personal, perfectly-selected, impromptu gifts?

    Basically, I'm trying to decipher the meaning behind the act and if I'm assigning too much emotional value to it, as I'm prone to do.
    What is the gift?
    (curiosity is winning)
    Does it bear significance intp's?
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fan.of.Devin View Post
    Here is my hypothesis;
    INTPs, being inferior Fe users, can sometimes derive great personal satisfaction from making those they care about happy/comfortable/content, etc...
    So naturally, gift giving could be one manifestation of this.

    I might also wager there's a decent chance he likes you, in that way.
    Enough to actually take a chance to buy something for someone that could end up becoming a real dramafest if it's the wrong gift, etc?
    And enough to make a decision like that?
    And potentially lead the other person to think there is something there?

    Yeah, normally the general indecision + desire to not commit + social uncertainty + the desire to pick the perfect gift leads to not buying gifts at all except under duress. If he bought you a gift, that's typically a good sign (if you want it to be).
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  8. #8
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I am not much of a gift giver unless you are in some way special to me.

    I once gave someone a friendship ring with an engraved word, and one for me with another word, accompanied with a poem about those two words. Actually, almost all my 'romantic' gifts were accompanied with poetry!

    But also for really good friends I have made special gifts. For example, back in my WoW playing days, I once made a movie as a gift of my character trying to pick flowers from the far reaches of the digital world, but having a ninja rogue beat me to all the flowers. And in the last scene, I buy a bouquet from a shady fella (The ninja rogue! da-da-dum!) in one of the major towns, turn to the camera and present the flowers with the text "Thank you for everything!".

    And there were some more. But yeah, if you get a gift from me, you really, really, deserve it. :P
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  9. #9
    Senior Member Hera's Avatar
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    I only buy gifts for people that matter to me. Take it as a sign. I mean, mentally. Don't make any awkward observations to him.

  10. #10
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lisagreen View Post
    Can any of you INTPs tell me about who you give gifts to and what kind of meaning you assign to the act of giving gifts? Especially personal, perfectly-selected, impromptu gifts?

    Basically, I'm trying to decipher the meaning behind the act and if I'm assigning too much emotional value to it, as I'm prone to do.
    I give gifts to people in my inner circle plus a couple of others in my "social circle" who get gifts for their birthdays etc. because I can't really leave them out when they know I do gifting. Obviously, I invest more time and effort in the gifts I get for people in my inner circle. For the people I love the most, I usually try to get something that comes in pairs so that I can share the pair with the other person - this can range from coffee mugs to little figurines. Corny, but hey. I also write cards and letters (all handwritten, of course) pretty often to people whom I know would appreciate such gestures. The longest letter I've written as of late was 6 pages long.

    As for impromptu gifts... I usually wait till some sort of anniversary/holiday comes up to get people something so I suppose truly impromptu gifts are rare to come by for me. I do occasionally give impromptu gifts - usually when I pass by something I'm pretty sure someone in my inner circle would like/want. It could be something small like chocolate, or it could be something more expensive but then I would probably save the substantial gifts for big holidays like Christmas or birthdays.

    Impromptu gifts can't be a bad sign IMO, especially from folks like INTPs. Personally, I would NEVER buy impromptu gifts for people I don't love. Whether the INTP likes you (very much) as a friend or actually likes you in THAT way... I don't think you can be absolutely sure at this point, but you can certainly look for other clues that may point to either direction. Good luck.
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