I'm an ENTJ and I have recently been accused by a co-worker of showing passive aggressive behavior, which they defined as forcing a person to make the decision you want them to or something like that. At my job I guess I'm somewhat "in charge" at times. I've been there the longest so it falls on me to make sure the people working with me are doing things the way they are supposed to. I'm not a by-the-book kind of person and have my own system of doing things (not corporate approved!) and a routine I've developed that works pretty well for me, and for everyone else too if they'll follow it. If you show me a faster or equally efficient way of doing things I will adapt to it after a period of being dissapointed in myself that I didn't see a better way. I admit that when I ask a person to do something, I do expect them to do it, but I try to make it a habit of asking them what they want to do first or just leaving them alone and seeing if they do what they should be, which is usually not a problem. When I correct someone I try to adjust that "tone" thing everyone makes such a big deal about to not sound as much like the jerk I naturally am, telling them it's no big deal and be more careful in the future. I will admit that I do force people to make decisions. It can downright infuriate me when dealing with an individual who can't or won't make a decision on their own for whatever reason. I would much more respect an individual who told me what they were going to do, even if it were wrong or not the way I would do it, rather than constantly needing to be told what to do because they can't make a decision on their own. It makes me even more frustrated when this behavior stems from the individual's fear of making someone mad or not liking them. If making someone make a decision, or at least state a preference, in order to get work done is wrong, I don't think I want to be right.
Another issue for me is that I'm not a micro-manager or anything, but that I end up trying to do everything by myself. I end up seeing other co-workers more as subordinates who are there to take care of the little details while I do the "big work." To fix this I once again ask what task they want to do, and will gladly do anything they prefer not doing as long as work is getting done while trying to equally distribute any tasks that need doing along the way.
I tried explaining to my co-worker that I'm not (consciously) trying to make people make the decision I want them to, though I sure would prefer it. If anything, I'm working to not be so controling. What you would see if you were in my head when these incidents occur (she didn't have any specific instances on hand that I recall) is me on instinct giving someone an order and expecting them to obey, realizing that this is a dick move and that they might have an equally efficient or even better idea, pushing down my own pride in my own "efficient" routine, and asking them what they want to do or giving them a list of things that could be done at that moment.
I wasn't offended at my co-worker's comment but genuinely curious. While "aggressive" has certainly been a word used to describe me, no one has ever called me "passive" before. The idea of being passive does bother me, though. It implies in my mind a weakness. A fear of confrontion or dealing with a problem. I've always viewed myself as a problem solver and, for better or worse (and the worse I've been working on the past few years) a fairly confrontational person. I've done a little bit of reading on passive aggressive behavior and firstly, it seems like anyone could fit the description at a given moment in their lives, so that doesn't bother me as much. It's just an inconsisitency to be avoided. There is an actual disorder though, which I'm sure would make the individual with the disorder very hard to deal with.
Anyway, the basis for all of this is are there any other ENTJs here who have been in a similar situation or at least accused of passive aggressive behavior? If so, was it for real and how did you deal with it? I would be happy to hear from anyone not an ENTJ who has dealt with one in this way, or has just dealt with people who are passive aggressive in general and could give me a better picture of what the behavior looks like and how it can be fixed. Thank you for your time, and I'm sorry for any ramblin that may have occured in this post.