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Thread: Missing people?

  1. #1
    What is, is. Arthur Schopenhauer's Avatar
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    Default Missing people?

    I don't miss people that I've been separated from for a while. I haven't seen my mother in months, nor most of my family (cousins, grandparents, uncles, aunts) in years/months. I honestly would have no problem with never seeing them again, not because I hate them or anything, but just because I wouldn't. Hmm... I do miss one person on occasion though...

    Anyways, I can tell that my apathy over maintaining a relationship with my mother is hurting her. She's sent me e-mails (to some of which I've responded) that she feels as though she's lost me completely and that she's afraid I don't love her anymore. (She's an ENFP by the way... So... Yeah...)

    I understand that I should try to maintain contact with people but I really couldn't care less about it... Can anyone else relate?
    INTJ | 5w4 - Sp/Sx/So | 5-4-(9/1) | RLoEI | Melancholic-Choleric | Johari & Nohari

    This will not end well...
    But it will at least be poetic, I suppose...

    Hmm... But what if it does end well?
    Then I suppose it will be a different sort of poetry, a preferable sort...
    A sort I could become accustomed to...



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    Senior Member Mephistopheles's Avatar
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    I relate. It's quite strange to be aware that even if I'd lose contact to everyone I know in the moment I wouldn't really care and move on, simply looking for new people to kill time with. In fact, I feel kinda bad because of that, but I can't really get rid of that attitude.
    They say I only think in form of crunching numbers.....
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    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    The last time I have seen

    - my mother: July 2010
    - my father: August 2010
    - my sister: August 2010
    - my grandparents: somewhere in 2009 or 2008.

    It is nice to see my father and my sister once in a while, but do not miss their presence so much that their absence would bother me.

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    Member KilgoreTrout's Avatar
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    I feel the same way about not missing people, but I think a large part of it is how unaware I am of passing time. When I see the people I love that I have not seen in a while, I realize that I have most likely missed them but just hadn't noticed.

    This is difficult with maintaining friendships locally as I regularly go a month or two without seeing friends and, much to my surprise, people generally feel neglected when that happens. I try to be more conscious of spending time with people but at this point, I give people a disclaimer and the majority of my friends know to not take my absence personally.
    "Everyone who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand."

  5. #5

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    In general, I don't miss people. It's that simple.

    People will say "I'll miss you!" and I know the socially acceptable response is "Aw, I'll miss you, too" so I say it, but I rarely ever feel it.

    I've thought about this a lot, too, but if someone like my mother were to die, I don't think I'd feel particularly sad. Maybe in my more introspective moments I would feel compelled to cry, but I'd be more inclined to laugh and joke around at her funeral like I do normally in life. Treat it like any other day.

    And something tells me if I voiced these opinions to others they would be really offended. So I don't. I even feel vulnerable voicing them right now.

  6. #6
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Actually, despite all the loneliness I describe, I exhibit this same pattern. The loneliness is more "pervasive/general," but I can go for year(s) without seeing people I am fond of, regardless of how much I like them. It's odd to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by allegorystory View Post
    In general, I don't miss people. It's that simple. People will say "I'll miss you!" and I know the socially acceptable response is "Aw, I'll miss you, too" so I say it, but I rarely ever feel it.

    I've thought about this a lot, too, but if someone like my mother were to die, I don't think I'd feel particularly sad. Maybe in my more introspective moments I would feel compelled to cry, but I'd be more inclined to laugh and joke around at her funeral like I do normally in life. Treat it like any other day.

    And something tells me if I voiced these opinions to others they would be really offended. So I don't. I even feel weird voicing them right now.
    With some. But not offensive to those who can identify.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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    Senior Member Mephistopheles's Avatar
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    Is it just my feeling, or do we NTs really sound like unhuman freaks?
    They say I only think in form of crunching numbers.....
    -Fall Out Boy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mephistopheles View Post
    Is it just my feeling, or do we NTs really sound like unhuman freaks?
    Not really. I thought this was all quite a normal thing.

    In fact, I thought people who say "I missed you" or something along those lines, were rarely referring to a longing to be with you. More a courtesy and some minor pleasure in seeing you again.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Beargryllz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erm View Post

    In fact, I thought people who say "I missed you" or something along those lines, were rarely referring to a longing to be with you. More a courtesy and some minor pleasure in seeing you again.
    See, I never would have known this without this website. I think I really can miss people now, now that I know how insignificant (but exaggerated) the feeling is.

  10. #10
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Hmm... well, my tendencies are somewhat interesting.

    I have difficulty keeping in touch with someone that I don't see day-to-day, or who isn't part of a "group" that I identify myself with. At first, it just slips my mind for a few months while I focus on some Ni-related subject... but after a while, I think "oh my, I miss that person." The thing is, by the time I remember that, it's been so long that I feel like it would be awkward to contact them. So I end up... NOT contacting them. And eventually I forget about them. Of course, when/if they contact me, I remember how much I missed them and I'm glad to hear from them.

    One thing that keeps me from completely losing touch with everyone, though, is the vague fear of not having people there for me when I need them. It really has less to do with caring about the person, than the fear of not having anyone to whom I can turn. So I want to keep a few people superficially involved in my life, so that I can have the reassurance that I'm involved in a group of people that cares for me, or at least pretends to care. In reality, most of these are family members who I don't like dealing with, but I still want to do brain-dead things like reciprocate Christmas Cards or leave messages on their phone, hoping that they'll return the gestures, but not decide to make me actually interact with them.

    My motivations here are almost embarrassingly selfish.

    Perhaps they would be less so if I had more people in my life that I actually identified with and wanted to interact with? Oh, well.

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