[NT] Missing people?

[Arthur Schopenhauer]

I don't miss people that I've been separated from for a while. I haven't seen my mother in months, nor most of my family (cousins, grandparents, uncles, aunts) in years/months. I honestly would have no problem with never seeing them again, not because I hate them or anything, but just because I wouldn't. Hmm... I do miss one person on occasion though...

Anyways, I can tell that my apathy over maintaining a relationship with my mother is hurting her. She's sent me e-mails (to some of which I've responded) that she feels as though she's lost me completely and that she's afraid I don't love her anymore. (She's an ENFP by the way... So... Yeah...)

I understand that I should try to maintain contact with people but I really couldn't care less about it... Can anyone else relate?

 

[Mephistopheles]

I relate. It's quite strange to be aware that even if I'd lose contact to everyone I know in the moment I wouldn't really care and move on, simply looking for new people to kill time with. In fact, I feel kinda bad because of that, but I can't really get rid of that attitude.

 

[Nicodemus]

The last time I have seen

- my mother: July 2010
- my father: August 2010
- my sister: August 2010
- my grandparents: somewhere in 2009 or 2008.

It is nice to see my father and my sister once in a while, but do not miss their presence so much that their absence would bother me.

 

[KilgoreTrout]

I feel the same way about not missing people, but I think a large part of it is how unaware I am of passing time. When I see the people I love that I have not seen in a while, I realize that I have most likely missed them but just hadn't noticed.

This is difficult with maintaining friendships locally as I regularly go a month or two without seeing friends and, much to my surprise, people generally feel neglected when that happens. I try to be more conscious of spending time with people but at this point, I give people a disclaimer and the majority of my friends know to not take my absence personally.

 

[funkadelik]

In general, I don't miss people. It's that simple.

People will say "I'll miss you!" and I know the socially acceptable response is "Aw, I'll miss you, too" so I say it, but I rarely ever feel it.

I've thought about this a lot, too, but if someone like my mother were to die, I don't think I'd feel particularly sad. Maybe in my more introspective moments I would feel compelled to cry, but I'd be more inclined to laugh and joke around at her funeral like I do normally in life. Treat it like any other day.

And something tells me if I voiced these opinions to others they would be really offended. So I don't. I even feel vulnerable voicing them right now.

 

[Totenkindly]

Actually, despite all the loneliness I describe, I exhibit this same pattern. The loneliness is more "pervasive/general," but I can go for year(s) without seeing people I am fond of, regardless of how much I like them. It's odd to me.

In general, I don't miss people. It's that simple. People will say "I'll miss you!" and I know the socially acceptable response is "Aw, I'll miss you, too" so I say it, but I rarely ever feel it.

I've thought about this a lot, too, but if someone like my mother were to die, I don't think I'd feel particularly sad. Maybe in my more introspective moments I would feel compelled to cry, but I'd be more inclined to laugh and joke around at her funeral like I do normally in life. Treat it like any other day.

And something tells me if I voiced these opinions to others they would be really offended. So I don't. I even feel weird voicing them right now.

With some. But not offensive to those who can identify.

 

[Mephistopheles]

Is it just my feeling, or do we NTs really sound like unhuman freaks?

 

[erm]

Is it just my feeling, or do we NTs really sound like unhuman freaks?

Not really. I thought this was all quite a normal thing.

In fact, I thought people who say "I missed you" or something along those lines, were rarely referring to a longing to be with you. More a courtesy and some minor pleasure in seeing you again.

 

[Beargryllz]

In fact, I thought people who say "I missed you" or something along those lines, were rarely referring to a longing to be with you. More a courtesy and some minor pleasure in seeing you again.

See, I never would have known this without this website. I think I really can miss people now, now that I know how insignificant (but exaggerated) the feeling is.

 

[Athenian200]

Hmm... well, my tendencies are somewhat interesting.

I have difficulty keeping in touch with someone that I don't see day-to-day, or who isn't part of a "group" that I identify myself with. At first, it just slips my mind for a few months while I focus on some Ni-related subject... but after a while, I think "oh my, I miss that person." The thing is, by the time I remember that, it's been so long that I feel like it would be awkward to contact them. So I end up... NOT contacting them. And eventually I forget about them. Of course, when/if they contact me, I remember how much I missed them and I'm glad to hear from them.

One thing that keeps me from completely losing touch with everyone, though, is the vague fear of not having people there for me when I need them. It really has less to do with caring about the person, than the fear of not having anyone to whom I can turn. So I want to keep a few people superficially involved in my life, so that I can have the reassurance that I'm involved in a group of people that cares for me, or at least pretends to care. In reality, most of these are family members who I don't like dealing with, but I still want to do brain-dead things like reciprocate Christmas Cards or leave messages on their phone, hoping that they'll return the gestures, but not decide to make me actually interact with them.

My motivations here are almost embarrassingly selfish.

Perhaps they would be less so if I had more people in my life that I actually identified with and wanted to interact with? Oh, well.

 

[Nicodemus]

My motivations here are almost embarrassingly selfish.

I believe motivation is always selfish.

 

[Athenian200]

I believe motivation is always selfish.

Yes, that's probably true.

It's still embarrassing, though, since other people don't admit it.

 

[guesswho]

I miss people

 

[Vorm Krieg]

I remember when my class split up and everyone went to different schools. There was this girl, kind but the complete opposite of me, who wanted to keep contact even though we would go different ways and probably almost never see each other. I kinda liked her - as a friend, even though I did know she was into me - so I agreed that we should. But as soon as we parted I never gave her any more thought and never tried to contact her. It was like she had slipped out of my mind completely. To be honest, it was this thread that reminded me of the whole thing and I also remember that she did try to send me messages, to wich I didn't reply.

An answer why I can not think of. I wasn't too fond of my classmates, but even those that I did enjoy spending time with I feel no desire to check up with. I was all about thinking how my new school would be and all the new people I would meet. Haven't given it too much thought, but it could be all the things associated with that time of my life, boredom, loneliness, depression, that makes me very unsentimental about it.

Family is a different matter since I always meet them on christmas and birthdays anyway.

 

[Engineer]

I generally don't miss people unless he/she is part of my support network, or if I'm experiencing some form of shit-headed limerence towards her.
Even in the case of the network, I'm so frequently in contact with them through alternate means that it's not like there's much to miss.
So no, I'd say I don't miss people very much at all.

...some days I fantasize about being the last person alive on earth, with no one else left to bother me or interact with or fall into infatuation with. It's a beautiful feeling.

 

[ScorpioINTP]

I can relate. I don't miss my Father or brother and usually find it a burden to be around either for extended periods of time and even phone calls are not enjoyable 90% of the time. I do miss my late mother though. Most people I can say I don't miss, but I do miss having people in my life I "miss". There are some ex-gf's I really miss and wish things had worked out with, but not that I constantly think about it, but when I do I feel regret.

I have one or two old friends I do miss and get annoyed with that they never call/write. I would guess my best friend from HS is an INTX too, so maybe I should understand, but sometimes we don't talk for 2 or more years and it is disconcerting. I do miss my dogs when I am away for too long.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

It depends on the person. I suppose it rarely happens to me.

I've never missed any family members. I don't miss any classmates I've had. I don't really miss any of the people that would conventionally be considered friends that I had, with a few exceptions. I don't even miss my ENTJ friend of nearly 11 years, though I think we get along very well.

Basically, there's someone I became infatuated with, someone I completely fell in love with, my ENFP friend who I felt very emotionally close to, and someone else I've only ever known online (and so can only be missed in terms of not communicating) that I miss. For those I do actually miss, I feel it pretty often.

 

[Such Irony]

Aside from my immediate family, I don't really have people I miss seeing. I have grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins that I go for weeks or months without seeing and I'm not bothered by it. I do enjoy seeing them but I don't really miss them when I don't. I do like knowing what's going on with their lives to some extent but I don't have a very strong need to visit them in person. I visit them during family gatherings and holidays like Christmas and that's mostly it.

My friends in real life are much the same way. I might contact them once in a while via email or Facebook but an in person visit or even an extended phone call is only about once every 4-6 weeks.

Hmm... well, my tendencies are somewhat interesting.

I have difficulty keeping in touch with someone that I don't see day-to-day, or who isn't part of a "group" that I identify myself with. At first, it just slips my mind for a few months while I focus on some Ni-related subject... but after a while, I think "oh my, I miss that person." The thing is, by the time I remember that, it's been so long that I feel like it would be awkward to contact them. So I end up... NOT contacting them. And eventually I forget about them. Of course, when/if they contact me, I remember how much I missed them and I'm glad to hear from them.

One thing that keeps me from completely losing touch with everyone, though, is the vague fear of not having people there for me when I need them. It really has less to do with caring about the person, than the fear of not having anyone to whom I can turn. So I want to keep a few people superficially involved in my life, so that I can have the reassurance that I'm involved in a group of people that cares for me, or at least pretends to care. In reality, most of these are family members who I don't like dealing with, but I still want to do brain-dead things like reciprocate Christmas Cards or leave messages on their phone, hoping that they'll return the gestures, but not decide to make me actually interact with them.

My motivations here are almost embarrassingly selfish.

Perhaps they would be less so if I had more people in my life that I actually identified with and wanted to interact with? Oh, well.

I very much relate to all of this. One large reason why I feel its so important to be on good terms with family members is that if I ever get into some major jam or have some emergency, there will be someone there for me. The relationships are fulfilling in themselves but they do fulfill a somewhat (dare I say it) selfish purpose. The relationships are important for my own safety.

 

[ceecee]

I don't generally miss people. I mean I am fine with sporadic visits and occasional phone calls and email. I miss ENFJ man when he's gone for a week at a time working. I miss the weekends when we don't have all the kids home. A lot of socializing really exhausts me, which is why I prefer emails to phone calls. I keep in touch with friends but it's not a regular thing and I talk and see my parents fairly often but they are a couple hours away and that's perfect. Otherwise it's not something I think about. Out of sight out of mind I guess.

 

[Hera]

I don't miss a lot of people. But the few I would miss/do miss mean a lot to me, I just don't know how to express it well or even why I feel like they matter.