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Thread: Missing people?

  1. #21
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    There are a few people (3-4) that I see infrequently and would like to spend more time with, but I can't say I actually miss them when we are apart. From time to time, I sorely miss a good friend who passed away several years ago. Part of this is probably the knowledge that I never will be able to see him again. The only living person I truly miss when we are apart is my SO. I will never tell someone I miss them just for a polite response.

  2. #22
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I don't generally miss people, either. I'm happy to see them when I see them, and I'm happy to do things with friends, but I can go weeks or months without seeing people and it wouldn't occur to me to miss them. I think part of it, like someone said, is that we don't notice the passage of time, and we can easily entertain ourselves. As long as I'm still on good terms with someone, I'll see them when i see them, and it'll feel like we just saw each other. I've had to really work on not neglecting friends.

    I keep in regular contact with my parents, though, and I really, really miss my dog when I'm away from her for a day or two, travelling. She's such a contant, happy presence that it feels weird and sad without her. I'd miss my SO if I currently had one and was away from him for more than a couple of days. I mostly miss people who've died, though. My grandmother in particular. Sometimes I wish I could do the "Our Town" thing and re-live a day when she was still around.
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  3. #23
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    im sure you dont want a gushy feeler telling you how to live your life but i just feel so terrible for your mom.
    Youve gotta at least make some kind of effort even if it feels insincere.

  4. #24
    figsfiggyfigs
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    I completely understand and relate to your post. I'm like that as well.


    I also have this problem with my mom. She calls me EVERY FREAKING DAY, but I know thats what keeps her off edge, and makes my life easier, than ignoring it resulting with a bunch of other calls afterwards. 10 minutes to make her feel good is a good deal in comparison to a day of eye-rolling.

    I remember I turned my phone off for a day once, and she called me the next day crying , telling me she thought I died

  5. #25
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegorystory View Post
    In general, I don't miss people. It's that simple.

    People will say "I'll miss you!" and I know the socially acceptable response is "Aw, I'll miss you, too" so I say it, but I rarely ever feel it.

    I've thought about this a lot, too, but if someone like my mother were to die, I don't think I'd feel particularly sad. Maybe in my more introspective moments I would feel compelled to cry, but I'd be more inclined to laugh and joke around at her funeral like I do normally in life. Treat it like any other day.

    And something tells me if I voiced these opinions to others they would be really offended. So I don't. I even feel vulnerable voicing them right now.
    The thread can be closed now.

  6. #26
    What is, is. Arthur Schopenhauer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emectar View Post
    im sure you dont want a gushy feeler telling you how to live your life but i just feel so terrible for your mom.
    Youve gotta at least make some kind of effort even if it feels insincere.
    Yeah, it's kind of messed up. I don't really care enough though...?

    Um. Yeah.
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    Hmm... But what if it does end well?
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  7. #27
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arthur Schopenhauer View Post
    Yeah, it's kind of messed up. I don't really care enough though...?

    Um. Yeah.
    well, deal with it so she won't keep nagging, for your sake, not even hers.

    Set a time, every few weeks , give her a call; schedule it, even if its for 10 minutes, and you don't care enough. It will keep her happy, and get her off of your back.
    Last edited by figsfiggyfigs; 03-07-2011 at 03:12 AM.

  8. #28
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    You've got to care about her on some level though. Right? Right???

    Is it more that you think she's overly emotional, and that checking in is a nuisance, and you want her to understand that not always being in touch isn't a sign of hostility?

    Because that i could understand, or even relate to.

  9. #29
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YWIR View Post
    I completely understand and relate to your post. I'm like that as well.


    I also have this problem with my mom. She calls me EVERY FREAKING DAY, but I know thats what keeps her off edge, and makes my life easier, than ignoring it resulting with a bunch of other calls afterwards. 10 minutes to make her feel good is a good deal in comparison to a day of eye-rolling.

    I remember I turned my phone off for a day once, and she called me the next day crying , telling me she thought I died
    That's the way it is with my mother too. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one with a mother who insists on calling me every day. I love my mom dearly, don't get me wrong, but do you have to call me *everyday*? I personally would prefer once or twice a week. Maybe its personality differences. I just don't seem to need the frequency of interaction to be satisfied that she does. If I don't answer the phone, she will just keep calling and leaving messages until I call her back. One time, she just stopped by at my place unannounced because it had been a few days since I talked to her. Its at times like this where I wished I lived further than 30 minutes away from her. She was really worried that something was seriously wrong with me. Before you ask, she isn't satisfied with just email or text messages. It has to be a phone call or an in-person visit.
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  10. #30
    Senior Member Stigmata's Avatar
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    I can relate to the OP as well, as just today I forgot it was my mother's birthday, only to be reminded through an unhappy phone call. It's not that I forgot out of some repressed malicious intention or anything, in fact on march 1st it actually crossed my mind briefly, it's just often times I get so engrossed in whatever is going on in my own life that I forget others exist. If I don't have someone around to splash water on my face and say "snap out of it", I'll unintentionally tune out the physical world.

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