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  1. #1
    Junior Member umop_3pisdn's Avatar
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    Default INTJ's/NT's in general & being outwardly emotional.

    I personally am an INTJ, which is why I ask, but I suppose this may apply to anyone with a thinking preference: How often are you considered to be significantly emotional, to the degree that it is observable by others, they comment on it (more than once?) and becomes somewhat iconic of your character(!). The reason I ask, is because I've earned somewhat of a reputation at my work for being quite "dramatic," which at first I found kind of odd, as I had never previously seen myself as such, although I knew I could be prone to some unusual/animated behavior if the mood struck me. I'm starting to see it now, though. I tend to enjoy playing with melodrama, and kind of blowing things up (although in an absurd way, humor and overall effect are my motivations,) and it is not so much "drama" in the social/peer sense, and more just in the sense of conduct.

    Granted a large part of this has to do with how comfortable I am in any given situation. I tend to only exhibit this behavior when I feel quite comfortable with people. Usually girls, as I tend to find them not as judgmental, and I can just speak random shit off the top of my head without making me feel too weird. At work I don't really care what they think of me, so I generally try to create the lightest atmosphere I'm capable of generating, naturally. It makes work a less laborious task, and I don't really care what their judgments of me are, anyways, and gaining reactions from people can be amusing until I've done it too many times and it becomes ho-hum. I tend to be very frank about nearly anything (including expressing those whimsical, passing feelings I seem oddly prone to), or any observations or judgments I have on things or myself. Though I can also embarrass very easily, if someone touches on one of my relatively narrow areas of insecurity (generally those things within the social sphere.)

    What I find odd is how people see me as more temperamental than I seem to view myself. Granted I'm kind of prone to lame melancholic shit like anomie and various existential and philosophical crises, emotional/directional ambiguity, and temporary highs/manias. I can also lose interest in shit very quickly, and can be prone to a kind of temporary passion/excitement that can disappear all too quickly. Oftentimes my moods can be offset or influenced by things of seemingly little influence (though to be fair I'm probably a little bit too self-indulgent at times). None of this sounds particularly like iconic Rational behavior, so I kind of wonder how common this is. I'm quite sure I'm Ni dominant, but my Fe is kind of terrible unless I funnel lots of mental resources into it. Te tends to come more naturally to me, so I'm fairly certain I'm INTJ. I don't think I have a mood disorder, or anything, but I'm definitely not the most consistent person in the world. I wonder how much of this boils down to personal quirks, and how much actually falls within type theory.

  2. #2
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Once, when a girly-girl, wear-full-makeup-on-a-mandatory-group-canoe-trip ESFJ picked up a dead bird with typical squeals (to move it away from the lawn-chair, backyard bonfire) the INTJ male friend of mine who is usually quite a stoic began to pace for a few moments. People were kinda watching him; normally he wouldn't have had any reaction except perhaps a dry and witty comment.
    But after pacing, he flipped over a lawn chair, paused, and with everyone's full attention, whined out "Ashley... that's abbbsurrrdd..." and let out a huge, exasperated sigh. It was all quite dramatic. And funny.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  3. #3
    Senior Member FallsPioneer's Avatar
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    I had an existential meltdown in a topic (the only topic) I made recently.

    I don't have a problem with displaying emotions, but normally I don't do it because I know it's not my strong suit, if I'm being outwardly emotional as a way of resolving something.

    I have had fits of melodrama, usually because I started overthink things and take the wrong problems too seriously. If it were something important, I know I could handle it properly. As an example, my indirectly spurning a friend has landed me in a tight spot with that friend, and the thought that this person is probably hurt is unsettling. Fair enough problem. The worst comes when I think about it too much. Nothing kills anything like overanalysis.

    I've also had a problem with holding myself accountable for others' feelings if they involved me, and that's led me to some of my worst fits. I just had that problem a couple days ago...and I'm STILL trying to become a better person.

    I do reserve some of my drama internally, mostly because I have to try and figure out what's really important first before I speak about it. Sometimes it's too internalized, sometimes not enough.

    I also don't like bees, even the black carpenter ones that don't sting. I hate flying insects in general. A couple of days ago I saw a carpenter bee and I just stared for a bit, probably all wide-eyed and stupid.
    Still using a needle to break apart a grain of sand.

  4. #4
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by umop_3pisdn View Post
    I personally am an INTJ, which is why I ask, but I suppose this may apply to anyone with a thinking preference: How often are you considered to be significantly emotional, to the degree that it is observable by others, they comment on it (more than once?) and becomes somewhat iconic of your character(!). The reason I ask, is because I've earned somewhat of a reputation at my work for being quite "dramatic," which at first I found kind of odd, as I had never previously seen myself as such, although I knew I could be prone to some unusual/animated behavior if the mood struck me. I'm starting to see it now, though. I tend to enjoy playing with melodrama, and kind of blowing things up (although in an absurd way, humor and overall effect are my motivations,) and it is not so much "drama" in the social/peer sense, and more just in the sense of conduct.

    Granted a large part of this has to do with how comfortable I am in any given situation. I tend to only exhibit this behavior when I feel quite comfortable with people. Usually girls, as I tend to find them not as judgmental, and I can just speak random shit off the top of my head without making me feel too weird. At work I don't really care what they think of me, so I generally try to create the lightest atmosphere I'm capable of generating, naturally. It makes work a less laborious task, and I don't really care what their judgments of me are, anyways, and gaining reactions from people can be amusing until I've done it too many times and it becomes ho-hum. I tend to be very frank about nearly anything (including expressing those whimsical, passing feelings I seem oddly prone to), or any observations or judgments I have on things or myself. Though I can also embarrass very easily, if someone touches on one of my relatively narrow areas of insecurity (generally those things within the social sphere.)

    What I find odd is how people see me as more temperamental than I seem to view myself. Granted I'm kind of prone to lame melancholic shit like anomie and various existential and philosophical crises, emotional/directional ambiguity, and temporary highs/manias. I can also lose interest in shit very quickly, and can be prone to a kind of temporary passion/excitement that can disappear all too quickly. Oftentimes my moods can be offset or influenced by things of seemingly little influence (though to be fair I'm probably a little bit too self-indulgent at times). None of this sounds particularly like iconic Rational behavior, so I kind of wonder how common this is. I'm quite sure I'm Ni dominant, but my Fe is kind of terrible unless I funnel lots of mental resources into it. Te tends to come more naturally to me, so I'm fairly certain I'm INTJ. I don't think I have a mood disorder, or anything, but I'm definitely not the most consistent person in the world. I wonder how much of this boils down to personal quirks, and how much actually falls within type theory.
    I bolded the parts I relate to.
    One of the other members here suggested that it might be the "shadow" ESFP showing itself at times like that.

    I know when I'm watching a sport and my team is winning, my family will tell me to be quiet and calm down!
    Of course, I'm incredulous because I thought that type of behavior was allowed when your team does well, but I guess that's only when you're there in person.

    When I was a kid, I drove a lot of kids away by this weird behavior. I remember one time my best friend told me that if I didn't stop she wouldn't be my friend any more. (I was literally rolling on the floor laughing and hitting the floor with my fist, albeit, I was "faking" somewhat, just because it was fun.) What's the matter with people anyway?

  5. #5
    Senior Member Veneti's Avatar
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    INTJ aren't usually outwardly emotional.

    But just because you don't express it doesn't mean that others can't sense it. Sometimes it’s why the INTJ doesn't like people looking into the windows of their soul. The eyes.

    For a number of shy people (That show in the I trait) their emotions are their dynamo. It’s what powers their resolve. That’s why the INTJ can have the crusade type drive that is similar to the INFJ.

    I've only been outwardly emotional a couple of times in my life. Some things just have to be so. Like when you're speaking for someone at their funeral who asked you while they were terminally ill...

  6. #6
    Procrastinating
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    This will be hard to explain: I'm rarely outwardly emotional with people I'm not seriously close to. I say the words indicating emotion but don't display indicative behaviors to go with them. (I looove emoticons because they help me out there) Yes, I laugh when something is funny. I cry only around my hubby and, then, not often. Anger, well, if at all these days (older) it takes something enormous, truly enormous, to go there. My exuberance.. like when its the last minute and my team might win... is mild compared to many but its there. I've seen movies that touched me to the point of a tear or two but, in all, hubby cries more during those. Mine just aren't close to the surface as its been a habit to, not surpress in an unhealthy way, but push them down far enough to think in a way that is usual for me. Getting far enough into emotion to display it hinders that process. I do display them more... think I said... as I've aged but they're still somewhat uncomfortable from so many years of not doing so. None of this is to say I don't care.. as we're so often accused of... my caring is just more mental. I mean it when I say, "I'm sorry you're hurt" for instance. "Sorry" doesn't have to be a display of emotion.

  7. #7
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    Not very often. And when I do it's normally on purpose, as a joke.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  8. #8
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Some INTJ's can be outwardly emotional, especially under stress, or around people they're fairly comfortable with. Fi is perceived as particularly moody/dramatic in some cases. I know that after knowing a few INTJ's and seeing their feelings, I've been able to detect the Fi undercurrent in almost every INTJ's comment. There's always a bit of Fi in that Te... although it may be difficult to get them to admit to it at times.

    This makes sense to me because I'm an INFJ, and people have perceived me as cold, formal, and tending to over-analyze situations (although that's only a very minor part of my self-image). I would guess that has something to do with tertiary Ti in my case.

    As for the other NT's:

    ENTP's: Can use emotion in describing the greatness of their ideas, to further a goal, to revel in their accomplishments, etc.

    INTP's: Can be clingy/pathetic, as well as self-loathing. Sometimes do the emotional equivalent of a child laying on the floor and locking their arms around their parent's ankles when they're about to leave.

    ENTJ's: Reflected in the strength of their will to achieve their goals, as well as the importance they place on their desire to do something, and ability to place their trust in their own values and forge ahead.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Apollonian's Avatar
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    Often when I am emotional in public, I express emotions verbally rather than through real "emotional expression".

    Fi is indeed a powerful undercurrent to an INTJs emotional rhythms. Unlike Fe which can change rather quickly, auxiliary Fi (at least for me) seems to have a long cycle (phlegmatic). Because it takes time for my emotions to cycle through my conciousness, the event or conversation has often moved on to something else before I get a chance to express my emotions. So, I've learned to analyze my emotions with Ni+Te, and then 'express' my emotions (Fi) verbally (Te). It is only when I am alone or with truly trusted company that I can allow myself to "cycle-up" to an emotional state because once I do, as Athenian puts it, it can be moody and dramatic, as well as not passing quickly.

    Where primary or secondary Fe (or even dominant Fi) seems to be a sprint, auxiliary Fi seems to be like training for a marathon.

  10. #10
    sammy
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    Not very often. And when I do it's normally on purpose, as a joke.
    Same here, as a joke or to make a point of some sort --like the example of Userhername's INTJ friend.

    This sort of behavior tends to be taken as serious however, so I get into some trouble on occasion

    People just don't understand the power behind melodramatic behavior, especially when done intentionally.

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