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[INTP] someone is wrong with me

think2much

New member
Joined
Sep 30, 2009
Messages
239
MBTI Type
intp
Helping people is great. I highly recommend it. It's one of the best things you can do to feel good. OP should try some random acts of kindness and see if that helps. Even if it doesn't help you, you're still helping somebody, you're still an asset to somebody. Purpose is fulfilling.

I have no desire to help people, I don't care for them. I learned that people are cruel no point of helping them.


Or he could use that money (or even the money you spent on going to the gym) to pay for a therapist (since your insurance doesn't cover it) and get some lasting benefits.

It's like Nicodemus said, you could drink, smoke week, take meds to make your pain go away temporarily and that's effectually what getting laid will do as well. It's a quick fix that probably won't turn out to be very fulfilling in the end. Focus less on "getting a woman" and more on "improving your self to be worthy of a woman."

Yes you can change. Allow yourself to get some outside help (ie. a therapist) to help you through the roughest bits and give you a sense of accountability. What have you got to lose? Seriously, what else could you think of to spend your money on when everything else seems pointless/worthless?

what money? I don't go to gym anymore it was waste of time. I don't have money cause I don't wanna work. I just want to STOP feeling this way.
 

The_World_As_Will

New member
Joined
May 18, 2010
Messages
415
couple years ago I actully believed that if I had amazing body It would improve my life, after hitting the gym for 2yrs I still couldn't get a girl. I stopped working out cause 2yrs of going to gym 5times a week all that work for nothing.
I just don't understand why I have such a low self-esteem. but you guys probably right I need to try harder to change, I don't even know where to find this community you are talking about.

Are you guys saying someone socially awkward, introverted, narcissistic and schizoid can change? Has anyone actully achieve this?

I know I can take meds,weed,drink to make my pain go away but I don't want to turn to them.

so frustrated right now I'm gonna go for a walk


You are apart of a community right now, Otherwise we wouldn't be posting nor trying to help you move forward, step by step my friend, you aren't goign to magically get better, getting past depression is a process. Nothing will instantly cure you.

and well yes those things will take away the pain but only temporary, this quote from Kafka sums it up pretty well "My peers, lately, have found companionship through means of intoxication--it makes them sociable. I, however, cannot force myself to use drugs to cheat on my loneliness--it is all that I have--and when the drugs and alcohol dissipate, will be all that my peers have as well." I have no problem with you using weed, but it should be as a tool to relax and ease your mind, and as a tool for creativity, not to take your pain away, Secondly, you aren't narcissistic (as that implies you only care about yourself, which isn't true at all, otherwise you wouldn't be here asking our opinions nor listening to them) nor are you schizoid (as that also implies that you have a disgard for the feelings of other human beings) which clearly you do not, as you wouldn't be here. You mentioned earlier that you are feeling bad because you do not have a girlfriend, one. no person should be treated as a means to an end, you are treating women as if they are just your object for sex, of course you aren't going to find anyone if that's how you view them, no one wants to be turned into a commodity, a play-thing to be used, I'm sure that you wouldn't want that either. But neither are women going to flock to you, as you have to work on yourself, the old cliche "you have to love yourself before you can love someone else" sums this up, work on getting out of your depression first, than you will meet other people as you engage in the world and create bonds with other human beings, we are social creatures, it has to happen, and even introverts can extrovert outwards, so don't say that you cannot, because you would be lying to yourself. and okay you're socially awkward, and?, so what?! you're socially awkward, use it as a quality to meet people, people like when you are honest about yourself, and chances are you will meet other socially awkward people, and you'll get through this, plenty of people here to support you and give advice!
 

The_World_As_Will

New member
Joined
May 18, 2010
Messages
415
I have no desire to help people, I don't care for them. I learned that people are cruel no point of helping them.




what money? I don't go to gym anymore it was waste of time. I don't have money cause I don't wanna work. I just want to STOP feeling this way.

Okay I hope you see the contradiction here, you want to stop feeling depressed and anti-social and supposedly narcissistic, but yet you don't care about people... yeah that's bullshit, Clearly you do care about people, otherwise the whole point of getting better wouldn't 'do' anything, it would have no 'goal', there would be no need to make things go away if it wasn't for the sake of improving yourself so that you can interact with other people. "I learned that people are cruel no point of helping them.", we are people, and we are helping you, therefore we are not cruel, I wouldn't say you've learned that people are cruel, rather you've conditioned yourself through repetitious negative experiences and a cloud of pessimism that people are cruel and cannot be helped. People aren't cruel, some are ignorant of their own condition, some like yourself are just depressed and give up on the possibility of any type of change, but no, to say that you see no point in helping them just seems like projection on your part, like you feel that you cannot be helped. but depression is mostly irrationality and false validation of said irrational belies, hardly 'truth'.
 

think2much

New member
Joined
Sep 30, 2009
Messages
239
MBTI Type
intp
You are apart of a community right now, Otherwise we wouldn't be posting nor trying to help you move forward, step by step my friend, you aren't goign to magically get better, getting past depression is a process. Nothing will instantly cure you.

and well yes those things will take away the pain but only temporary, this quote from Kafka sums it up pretty well "My peers, lately, have found companionship through means of intoxication--it makes them sociable. I, however, cannot force myself to use drugs to cheat on my loneliness--it is all that I have--and when the drugs and alcohol dissipate, will be all that my peers have as well." I have no problem with you using weed, but it should be as a tool to relax and ease your mind, and as a tool for creativity, not to take your pain away, Secondly, you aren't narcissistic (as that implies you only care about yourself, which isn't true at all, otherwise you wouldn't be here asking our opinions nor listening to them) nor are you schizoid (as that also implies that you have a disgard for the feelings of other human beings) which clearly you do not, as you wouldn't be here. You mentioned earlier that you are feeling bad because you do not have a girlfriend, one. no person should be treated as a means to an end, you are treating women as if they are just your object for sex, of course you aren't going to find anyone if that's how you view them, no one wants to be turned into a commodity, a play-thing to be used, I'm sure that you wouldn't want that either. But neither are women going to flock to you, as you have to work on yourself, the old cliche "you have to love yourself before you can love someone else" sums this up, work on getting out of your depression first, than you will meet other people as you engage in the world and create bonds with other human beings, we are social creatures, it has to happen, and even introverts can extrovert outwards, so don't say that you cannot, because you would be lying to yourself. and okay you're socially awkward, and?, so what?! you're socially awkward, use it as a quality to meet people, people like when you are honest about yourself, and chances are you will meet other socially awkward people, and you'll get through this, plenty of people here to support you and give advice!

I know drugs are temp that's why I don't wanna do it but some days I feel like maby that's my only option. I can't get in a relationship cause no girl would ever want me. I would love to have some girl to care for me. I honestly think it's impossible for me to be in relationship. The problem with working on myself is that I always want to change without puting any efforts. I don't even know where to began... I know that I need to be educated cause I'm a redneck.

Okay I hope you see the contradiction here, you want to stop feeling depressed and anti-social and supposedly narcissistic, but yet you don't care about people... yeah that's bullshit, Clearly you do care about people, otherwise the whole point of getting better wouldn't 'do' anything, it would have no 'goal', there would be no need to make things go away if it wasn't for the sake of improving yourself so that you can interact with other people. "I learned that people are cruel no point of helping them.", we are people, and we are helping you, therefore we are not cruel, I wouldn't say you've learned that people are cruel, rather you've conditioned yourself through repetitious negative experiences and a cloud of pessimism that people are cruel and cannot be helped. People aren't cruel, some are ignorant of their own condition, some like yourself are just depressed and give up on the possibility of any type of change, but no, to say that you see no point in helping them just seems like projection on your part, like you feel that you cannot be helped. but depression is mostly irrationality and false validation of said irrational belies, hardly 'truth'.

I don't even know anymore, I just want it to stop. I wanna stop caring. Socializing is so stressful for me. maby I do need therapy.

can someone please talk to me on skype or something. I haven't talk to anyone eles other than my parents for long time.
 
A

A window to the soul

Guest
^ :hug: Listen to Will, the man knows what he's talking about.
 

Synapse

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2007
Messages
3,359
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4
Yes I went through it for decades...hello Tryptophan, Tyrosin, Tyramine, Magnesium, Vitamin B and Iodine...less sugar and fluoride and other stuff.

Speak for yourself people but if you have to love yourself before anyone else does you'll grow gray hairs around your balls. What people are ultimately saying, if your none asperger like me, then actively engaging with the ladies, asking about them, creating excitement and generally expressing your sense of humour and passions instead of being dull and negative helps while you are doing your thing. I know a friend who isn't depressed and successful but he is stiff as a card board cut out, sadly a bit like me, you can be as happy as can be and be as lonely as fuck unless you learn the cardinal rule be interesting and engaging. Without this quality your screwed, depression aside.

Oh and fuck therapy, bs! Short term its good to gain some clarity, ultimately its for you to take responsibility and own your shit before you can let your shit go.
 

think2much

New member
Joined
Sep 30, 2009
Messages
239
MBTI Type
intp
I been crying a lot lately, I don't know if that's my body doing that to release some chemicals. You know I have to agree with the poster above. I'll never love myself no matter how much I try to improve I can never love myself
 
T

ThatGirl

Guest
I didn't read the whole thread, but if you feel this bad, don't you think you should see someone about it?
 

Synapse

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2007
Messages
3,359
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INFP
Enneagram
4
I been crying a lot lately, I don't know if that's my body doing that to release some chemicals. You know I have to agree with the poster above. I'll never love myself no matter how much I try to improve I can never love myself
When did I say never...if you become in alignment with your self from an alternative perspective your consciousness being will never ever think this way. Your an NT, your meant to be rational. However talking about the metaphysical aspect of the self wouldn't sit well which is why

...hello Tryptophan, Tyrosin, Tyramine, Magnesium, Vitamin B and Iodine...less sugar and fluoride and other stuff.
Emphasis on this as a natural way, more probably missed some, plus checking out your heavy metals like if you have mercury in your body via amalgams and other stuff. eating healthy and excluding processed foods, sugars and wheat or anything that you react with helps.

And yes talking about it with someone would help gain some focus back.

^ Synapse! You bad boy! :1377:
Oh you so love it. :devil:
 

think2much

New member
Joined
Sep 30, 2009
Messages
239
MBTI Type
intp
I didn't read the whole thread, but if you feel this bad, don't you think you should see someone about it?

I did, that's why I made the thread.


I watched tv shows all day and it made me realize "socializing" is stressful and pointless. I accpeted this awhile ago but the reason I got depressed was cause I was so lonely.

Today I accpeted the fact I can never be in a relationship, I cannot go through all the bullshi# to be in relationship or to maintain in one. I was always the old fashion type, I just wanted a good girlfriend; guess times are different since it's 21first century. Girls are brainwashed to play mind games and aren't royal(oh just move on to the next guy if it doesn't work out type). Guess I can never have that companionship I always wanted but now I can live with that. Hey, life's not perfect. So I will focus on one night stands for my needs, I think I can fake being myself for couple hrs at a bar/club or internet dating to have sex. I just gonna learn it. It's a shame though since I hate drinking :(

oh if anyone eles think/know of alternative ways please post here. Thanks for all ur advice guys!!! Now I feel better during the day but I still can't sleep(which messes with my regular days). So what I did was push myself mentally and physically but my body refuse to shut down which is like a torture. I think that's something I have to live with.... for now anyway
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
think2much i don't really know you or anything about you, but even from the smattering of posts here i like you. you just seem burnt out, like i've been lately...

but you've already said you can't commit suicide because of your parents, which in my books already shows that you care about people, and that's really all you need to be attractive. you don't even have to like most people, or even many people, or even like one person all the time. you don't have to be incredibly affectionate. you just have to care, on some level, about one person - and you obviously already have two people in your life you care about. and maybe i'm an outlier, but i find it pretty attractive that you're feeling depressed to a point of not wanting to live but you're holding out for other people anyway. it indicates so much - that you love, even if it's in a different-than-conventional way, and that your worldview is bigger than just yourself. i think you know that, too - you clearly have a willingness to participate in a relationship.

this might seem kind of offensive, and i'm sorry if it does, but i've got to point out a pattern:

perception that humans/socializing is bad -> no hope for relationship -> believing something is wrong with you -> no self worth

it's like... you're taking a certain perception of general humanity and then applying it to yourself and blaming yourself for it. do you know what i mean? the problem isn't the people, or you at all, actually, it's just the perception you're looking at things through. the lens. you're blaming yourself for a certain lens, but you don't deserve that blame, the lens does. therapy can help you look at stuff like that.

just to give you some hope, speaking as a girl, i don't have any intents of playing mind games in relationships and i'm so loyal that i hang on to people even after it's clear the relationship won't work. not to say i'm an ideal person, but we're not all terrible and brainwashed. a little insecure and flawed, yes, but not awful. and out of about six million people in the world, you have a pretty good chance of there being one who fits relatively well into your criteria. i think your plan to have one night stands is fine, but be cautious in that it might perpetuate the not-necessarily-totally-true ideas about women and the impossibility of relationships you already have.

as for socializing... yeah, it can be annoying and stupid. some people hate it. but the reason we do it is to sift through people and find the ones we like and care about, or to make connections that help us get what we want. it's not totally pointless, even though it might not be your favorite thing to do. there are ways to avoid it, of course. but you've gotten your idea of socializing from tv, not from reality. have you given real socializing a fair assessment? perhaps it is not always as awful as it seems...

Are you guys saying someone socially awkward, introverted, narcissistic and schizoid can change?

yes. maybe not drastically, maybe not quickly, but bit by bit and enough so that you don't have to feel this way. and these traits... considered objectively... they're not so bad. socially awkward isn't terrible, it's kind of cute sometimes. at least you don't just blindly follow meaningless social contrivances. and a huge portion of the population of the world is introverted, probably around half. that's like 3300000 people. everyone's pretty self-centered, that's nothing new. even if they're not self-centered on the outside they secretly are deep down. and psychologists have found many ways of working with people who are schizoid, both drugs and therapy, that can help you deal with the aspects of yourself that you would like to have more control over. the disorder means you're emotionally disconnected, yeah? from yourself and others? it doesn't mean you can't have self-worth or do meaningful things with your life.

as for the inertia... my mom told me this recently, i thought it was really helpful: don't think that to make yourself worthwhile you have to change everything overnight. NxP types try to do that... we try to make big global sudden changes. it doesn't work, then we get disappointed. she said that all you have to do is work on making just a few steps in the right direction, each day. enacting change in yourself sucks, it's tedious and hard - but it's better than not doing so, you can see that clearly already. maybe you could try that to... it's what i'm doing now. it's not so bad. sometimes i feel shitty about myself in general, but taking small steps helps you feel competent and worthwhile. even stuff as mundane as washing the car, organizing some of your stuff, etc.

can you maybe try coming up with some kind of a game plan, just a few little concrete things you could do over the next few days and weeks to move in the direction you want to move in... like in the direction of who you would like to become? you don't have to start huge, with loving yourself. all you have to have is a little hope that maybe you can change, and the fact that you're posting here says you have that already. and then just translate that into doing one forward-moving thing a day. you could start easy - you could schedule one tentative appointment with a therapist to question them about the process and worth of it. it's possible you might not even be charged much for something like that. and not ideas - they have to be actual actions to undertake... otherwise that NxP tendency to think and not do will kick in :)

good luck, think2much, i hope at least some of these thoughts can be useful to you. you're welcome to PM me if you want to talk.

oh, as for not sleeping - benadryl, if it doesn't clash with your other meds.
 

MoneyTick

New member
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May 21, 2010
Messages
252
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Love and money will solve all of your problems.

I know they tell you "money isn't everything" and shit, but that's just what they tell you.

For 99% of everyone material wealth doesn't mean crap.

It feels good to be that 1% minority statistic that can enjoy a good scotch next to my patio hot tub not having to worry about bills and mortgage default.

I remember the day I gave my boss my letter of resignation before opening up my own hedge fund. He was the wisest person I knew and his last words to me were:

"Dave, look around - what do you see? A computer, a desk, an Adui parked on the street, an iPhone, a cup of coffee. You see the product of profit! Greed and the love of money had crafted the advanced world we live in today, of course, at the expense of moral decay. You can be a part of it, or partake of it. If money be not thy servant, it shall be thy master"

Start your own business. It will teach you responsibility, it will give your life direction, it will incentive you to wake up in the morning.

Then comes the topic of love and relationships.

To be loved, you must first learn to love yourself and others.

Women don't look at the money, they look at your heart. Things of the heart are not monetary, so you must make sure one does not corrupt the other.

Money will solve all of your problems.

If you are hungry, it can buy you food.
If you are thirsty, it can buy you a bottle of Poland Spring water.
If you are dumb, it can buy you knowledge.
If you are bored, it can buy you a TV and movies.
If you are depressed, it can help you craft the life you want to live.

It can be your master, or it can be your servant.

People will tell you "money is not everything."

They are correct. Money is only 97% of all things.

For example, take a breath of fresh air! That fresh air costs a lot of money to maintain. In Tokyo, the lack of pollution and emission legislation has critically reduced the oxygen levels sometimes to an acute level. There are emergency oxygen stations in nearly every city block just in case you become oxygen deprived.

Polluted air is a byproduct of a detrimental economic externality. Clean air, in the wake of an industrialized venue, is the byproduct of costly efforts by government to enact and enforce emissions and pollution control legislation. Hence, air costs money.

In this modern era, love is also contingent on monetary well-being. Statistically, the number one catalyst for divorces and broken relationships are financial feuds.

My friend (will not mention his name for privacy matters) has a wonderful wife and three great kids. He is a happy man, takes good care of his family, and knows how to enjoy life. He owns four gay sports-bars, and is a minority shareholder and board member of a porn production company. He is not gay and he is not a perv, he just knows how to follow the money.

Laday Gaga brings in millions of dollars to her producers, whilst both young and old are captivated by her nonsense music.

In previous centuries, there was substance and truth in daily living. There was family, religion, respect, wisdom, good food and wine, and all of life's simple pleasures.

Today, the root of all evil - money - is yielding its fruit in abundance to Wall Street players and large corporations.
 
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