I'm anti-social, I always been this way. I never wanna do anything and I don't care about anything/anyone other than myself. I fail at life and I just want to give up.
My health insurance doesn't cover Therapy, even if it did I don't see how they can change me. He even told me to go to therapy but he knew I wasn't gonna listen to him. I know deep inside that I'll never be happy.
I agree with Phantonym's post but this isn't true at all. 1. Clearly you are not anti-social, if you were, you wouldn't be on this forum discussing the issue in the first place, secondly, you DO want to do something, you want the elimination of your current onset of depression, you want an elimination of a debilitating phenomena. Thirdly, you do care about things and others besides yourself, otherwise you wouldn't be here, nor would you let the initial person you talked to, who said that you have 'problems' affect you in the first place, you reached out, seeking some type of support, extending yourself shows that you do care. Do not fall into the trap that you don't care about anything, because you do. You do NOT fail at life, that doesn't even make sense, to whom's standard are you supposedly failing. life is your own, your decisions to make, it is not a pass or fail experiment.
Even if you cannot see an actual therapist at this moment, what you need is a community, as supporting system that will aide you along to getting better. when you say that 'they can't change you', their goal isn't to change you, as you are making the assumption that your entire being is sohow pre-destined to be depressed or miserable, which isn't the case at all, I know that you cannot see past this dark time in your life, but you are the only person that can facilitate any sort of change, or any movement towards positive well-being. As for a practical solution to help yourself, since you cannot afford a therapist at this time, there are other means in order to help alleviate your depression, though having an actual therapist in the future will help, I will recommend two things, firstly that you look into and integrate the practices of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) into your everyday life, and secondly I recommend the book 'Learned Optimism' By Martin Seligmann, I think that it would help.
I would also recommend to do some type of creative activity in which you can absorb yourself in, it will atleast partially get rid of the negativity cloud of depression