• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INTP] INTP after breakup

Butterfly

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2008
Messages
201
MBTI Type
ENFP
Im just curious to know about INTPs and break ups.

How long does it take for an INTP to get over someone? I read that when an INTP decides to end things, he reallllyyyy means it.

But I had this INTP with which things didn't work out. He wanted to continue talking, but I was the one who burnt the bridges so to speak. He has been asking about me from our mutual friend.

So I have been thinking if hes OK. And to know how long does it take for an INTP to get over someone after a break up.???

Please share anything. Thanks. :)
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,192
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Well, it depends on who did the breaking up.

If the INTP does the dumping, well... it is over and done with. Kaput. And the INTP will get really irked if the dumped person keeps asking around about them or hanging about or pestering them. (They want to avoid the awkward emotions, they want to avoid clinginess, they want to avoid being stalked.)

When an INTP is dumped? This could be somewhat bad, if the INTP does not really understand why the dumping occurred. At first guess I think this might drive most of any difficulties an INTP might experience in letting go: If they have not been given an explanation and they can't piece one together, then they will obsess over "why it happened" and try to figure it out.

The other reason an INTP might obsess is simply because of the "fascination fixation." INTPs tend to get really absorbed in a particular field, until they learn everything about it they can, and then they drop it and move on. If a human being is the target of this focus, and the person cuts off things before the INTP has learned everything they wanted to know, they still might obsess in finding out all the things they didn't yet know before being able to move on.

Those are just my best guesses right now.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
From observation I would say when they are the ones dumped, INTP take a looooong time to get over it. It's on endless loop for analyzing in their heads, or rather they just ruminate about it. I think INTP actually forms a lot of sudden 'irrational' bonds with people that don't warrant the depth of it. It seems uncharacteristic of a textbook INTP, but I think it's common.
 

Seanan

Procrastinating
Joined
Feb 18, 2008
Messages
954
MBTI Type
INTJ
When an INTP is dumped? This could be somewhat bad, if the INTP does not really understand why the dumping occurred. At first guess I think this might drive most of any difficulties an INTP might experience in letting go: If they have not been given an explanation and they can't piece one together, then they will obsess over "why it happened" and try to figure it out.

I sooo agree with this and add to that the possibility (probable with an INTP) that they never saw it coming, there's the shock factor making obesession more likely... the self-questioning on how or why they didn't. I know I have to be clobbered with a 2x4. I just don't pick up subtleties. Sarah Jessica Parker on "Sex and the City" always floors me with her attention to every word or behavior of her love interests and what it means or what's coming... its like she's omniscient or something.:D
 

Butterfly

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2008
Messages
201
MBTI Type
ENFP
Just two years. Not that long.
Ouch! sorry to hear. :hug:


Well, it depends on who did the breaking up.

If the INTP does the dumping, well... it is over and done with. Kaput. And the INTP will get really irked if the dumped person keeps asking around about them or hanging about or pestering them. (They want to avoid the awkward emotions, they want to avoid clinginess, they want to avoid being stalked.)

"When an INTP is dumped? This could be somewhat bad, if the INTP does not really understand why the dumping occurred. At first guess I think this might drive most of any difficulties an INTP might experience in letting go: If they have not been given an explanation and they can't piece one together, then they will obsess over "why it happened" and try to figure it out.

The other reason an INTP might obsess is simply because of the "fascination fixation." INTPs tend to get really absorbed in a particular field, until they learn everything about it they can, and then they drop it and move on. If a human being is the target of this focus, and the person cuts off things before the INTP has learned everything they wanted to know, they still might obsess in finding out all the things they didn't yet know before being able to move on.

Those are just my best guesses right now.

Thanks Jennifer for this. This explains it really well. :)

Thanks others for thier input too...now things are making sense.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

BrianBear

New member
Joined
Feb 20, 2008
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INTP
I don't think it's dependent on who dose the breaking up but how valid the reason for the break up is.

If the break up is for reasons that are unavoidable or uncontrollable then it's is extremely easy to move on. If the reasons are weak or things that could be worked on then the over analyzing comes into play.
 

Judous

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
79
MBTI Type
INTP
Not sure I would be the best neutral INTP to comment, but if an INTP were to do the breaking. It's done, no questions. That means he/she has spent a huge amount of time, and finally came over their laziness to end it :p

If your looking for advice on how to break up with one so that he doesn't try to hang around. Make sure you really take the time to explain to them WHY you are doing it. You will need to cover every detail, and patient enough to make sure they completely understand. Otherwise yes, they will hang around because they are trying to understand or fix whats going on.
 

Viva_Hate

New member
Joined
Mar 19, 2008
Messages
5
MBTI Type
INTP
In my experiences as the INTP, I really did mean to end things, and so did. There is in fact only one ex I still maintain some semblance of contact with as a friend. I think though, getting over a breakup has always been rather easy for some reason. Emotions are not the forte of an INTP so maybe that's the key- getting over it is a lack of emotional involvement, so maybe that's why it seems easy. I could be wrong. But that is my take.
 

Equis

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2008
Messages
3
if an INTP were to do the breaking. It's done, no questions. That means he/she has spent a huge amount of time, and finally came over their laziness to end it :p

I agree. It takes a lot for me to get up the nerve to break it off with someone completely. So when it's over, it's definitely over.
 

wildcat

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2007
Messages
3,622
MBTI Type
INTP
Im just curious to know about INTPs and break ups.

How long does it take for an INTP to get over someone? I read that when an INTP decides to end things, he reallllyyyy means it.

But I had this INTP with which things didn't work out. He wanted to continue talking, but I was the one who burnt the bridges so to speak. He has been asking about me from our mutual friend.

So I have been thinking if hes OK. And to know how long does it take for an INTP to get over someone after a break up.???

Please share anything. Thanks. :)
The INTP does not break up.
 

rainfall

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2008
Messages
39
MBTI Type
INTP
The INTP does not break up.

After enough abuse, they do.

I dunno what is meant by "getting over". You just never see them again and never think of them. Because when you do teh emotions come back. Then, few years down the road, it does not matter as much. I suppose it's "over" then.
 

dactyl

New member
Joined
Feb 24, 2010
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INTP
bump. Hi, I'm Nick. I'm 23. I've been reading for about a month, and I finally decided to join. Hi

So, I broke up with my girlfriend of whom I was with for 4 years, a little over a year ago and I'm starting to think I might need to see a therapist or something. Generally, I'm against the idea of paying somebody money to hear me out, but I really don't know what else to do... We met after graduating high school. She was a straight-A student going to the University of California San Diego, I delivered pizza while going to a technical school for graphic design. We had ups and downs, actually broke up 3 times (sometimes I broke it up, sometimes she did), but we always got back together. I don't see myself as cold as the stereotypical INTP. I believe in second, sometimes even third chances.

Then we both get DUI's (separately) and seeing each other got more difficult. I moved a little further away, and we probably only saw each other at most twice a week. This was about 14 months ago, neither of us had a job, or a driver's license, or a clue anymore. We just hung out, drank, and slept together. I told her that I didn't want to break up with her.. but I just needed some time (to myself) to get back on my feet. She couldn't understand.

She called me one day while I was in the pool with a friend and said to me those fateful words "I started seeing someone else" ..... "but I don't want you to stop talking to me".....

After everything that happened between us, and with the dire straights our lives were in... a part of me was happy that she found someone to give her the love she wants, but the other part felt completely empty. Now I say I'm only 23, but this was the worst moment in my life, having nothing else to hold on to... I'm actually surprised I've made it as far as I have, but shit is still so wrong.

I tried to be friends with her after not talking for about 8 months. (sigh) she's hooked on heroin, and she hasn't even started working on getting her license back... basically the party never ended... and it's still going. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with it, but while I wasn't talking to her, I got my license back, got a car, and started my career with Sony Online Entertainment. 2009 was the hardest and most lonely year I've ever had, and she'll never know. So, my problem.

I have everything anybody could ever want at my age. I'm single, I have any awesome job, I have an amazing car (1979 super beetle), and I've got some friends (even though I swear they're retarded). I was much happier in a broken relationship than I am now all alone. Some days I delete her from my facebook friends list, convinced that going back to ignoring her will help me move on.. some days I add her back, hoping that I can find the courage to help her, help her through her addiction and that would in turn make me happy, but every time I see her face, everything inside me implodes. and there's nothing left but space inside my chest. It would be alright if she didn't keep IM'ing me talking about how shitty her life is and how she can't control it every week. I need help..

She's an ENFJ

thank you for anything
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
:hug: @ dactyl.

Getting over a relationship is a long and painful process. But it sounds like you still love her and want to help her... it also sounds like you don't have your priorities straight. Part of you still loves her, and part of you wants to let go.

So what do you want? Focusing on those two different things at once won't fix it...

Also... really sorry to hear about that. :(
 

MacGuffin

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
10,710
MBTI Type
xkcd
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
bump. Hi, I'm Nick. I'm 23. I've been reading for about a month, and I finally decided to join. Hi

So, I broke up with my girlfriend of whom I was with for 4 years, a little over a year ago and I'm starting to think I might need to see a therapist or something. Generally, I'm against the idea of paying somebody money to hear me out, but I really don't know what else to do... We met after graduating high school. She was a straight-A student going to the University of California San Diego, I delivered pizza while going to a technical school for graphic design. We had ups and downs, actually broke up 3 times (sometimes I broke it up, sometimes she did), but we always got back together. I don't see myself as cold as the stereotypical INTP. I believe in second, sometimes even third chances.

Then we both get DUI's (separately) and seeing each other got more difficult. I moved a little further away, and we probably only saw each other at most twice a week. This was about 14 months ago, neither of us had a job, or a driver's license, or a clue anymore. We just hung out, drank, and slept together. I told her that I didn't want to break up with her.. but I just needed some time (to myself) to get back on my feet. She couldn't understand.

She called me one day while I was in the pool with a friend and said to me those fateful words "I started seeing someone else" ..... "but I don't want you to stop talking to me".....

After everything that happened between us, and with the dire straights our lives were in... a part of me was happy that she found someone to give her the love she wants, but the other part felt completely empty. Now I say I'm only 23, but this was the worst moment in my life, having nothing else to hold on to... I'm actually surprised I've made it as far as I have, but shit is still so wrong.

I tried to be friends with her after not talking for about 8 months. (sigh) she's hooked on heroin, and she hasn't even started working on getting her license back... basically the party never ended... and it's still going. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with it, but while I wasn't talking to her, I got my license back, got a car, and started my career with Sony Online Entertainment. 2010 was the hardest and most lonely year I've ever had, and she'll never know. So, my problem.

I have everything anybody could ever want at my age. I'm single, I have any awesome job, I have an amazing car (1979 super beetle), and I've got some friends (even though I swear they're retarded). I was much happier in a broken relationship than I am now all alone. Some days I delete her from my facebook friends list, convinced that going back to ignoring her will help me move on.. some days I add her back, hoping that I can find the courage to help her, help her through her addiction and that would in turn make me happy, but every time I see her face, everything inside me implodes. and there's nothing left but space inside my chest. It would be alright if she didn't keep IM'ing me talking about how shitty her life is and how she can't control it every week. I need help..

She's an ENFJ

thank you for anything

Congrats dude. I mean that seriously. I know you love her, but this is a good thing.
 

slowriot

He who laughs
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
1,314
Enneagram
5w4
Like Jennifer says obsession can occur in intps. I know that if I have nothing better to do, I obsess about people of the opposite sex if I have an interest in them or something is left up in the air. Closure is the best thing, honesty and so on. Then I find it pretty easy to move on, but if you are an enfp and like keeping things open in the way you communicate, then there will be something to obsess over. I did this with an enfp once.

One thing to take in to consideration is his experience in romance. I know that when I was younger it was way harder for me. INTPs dont handle new experienced emotions well, we react like children sometimes. But once the emotion is tried, we can handle pretty much all, even emotional abuse (sarcasm).

And Dactyl: Best advice is to take some time do an objective assessment of if it will be probable you can help her. Otherwise as McGuffin says....

And dont think you can keep yourself away from her, its bound to fail. Take time to figure it out, talk to a trusted friend. Or start an onlinejournal, just get you words out there. So you can look at them objectively after a while.
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
I think you need to come to terms with how you honestly feel about her, first. Where do you stand? Then...

If you think you have the strength and capacity to help her, however that's done, do it. But be prepared for the worst possible outcome. If you think you can deal with it, I don't see why you can't help out an old friend.

If not. Then sever all ties. Delete, delete and delete. (IM, phone and Facebook). And let it burn. You seem to have improved your life during your time apart. Maybe keeping up the pace is the best solution right now.

Maybe that's terrible advice. Perhaps a therapist could help you cope, if you say your friends are retarded.
 
Top