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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Sure, why not? Make it something he'll never forget while you continue moving on!
    Win-win!

  2. #52
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    You're all right. Something "clicked" on Friday night and I just feel like it IS the end, despite our agreement and all of the words he said that I could read into. I'm not saying I'm not grieving, I'm just saying, I hear what you're saying and it is over. While hope is a nice thing, it's not a nice thing at the termination of a relationship.

    Thanks for your input.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    stop trying to convince someone else that you're worth having a relationship with! In doing so, you automatically devalue yourself beneath him.
    All of the things I've mentioned are things that have been brewing in my head. As far as he knows, I've already moved on!

  4. #54

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    Quote Originally Posted by dovet View Post
    All of the things I've mentioned are things that have been brewing in my head. As far as he knows, I've already moved on!
    Not the "you will regret it" part.

    I'm serious about this. Forget the obsessing about him. This will only cause you to fixate harder on him. Start to focus on building your internal self-esteem up and don't tell me you're not down about this considering what you've expressed in your posts. Move on. Fuck him. He's not worth your time, tears or grief.

  5. #55
    Razzaberry Is Yummy Razzaberry's Avatar
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    When I broke up with my boyfriend...I didn't even care...I decided it was over with when he disregared my beliefs and thoughts as ADD....so yeah.....it doesn't take me long to get over someone....

    and that ex-boyfriend can rot in hell

  6. #56
    Senior Member Hera's Avatar
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    I find that if I am the one breaking up with someone, I approach the issue with a sense of finality. I will not turn back. For me to arrive at that conclusion means I've thought about it for a while and realized that it was the best overall solution. Therefore, there's no need for delay or prolonging it. I don't want to deal with the guilt trips or the sadness but I will deal with it only to end the problem, i.e. the relationship. If I am the one being broken up with, I handle the situation verrrrry differently. To me, the reasons and excuses are all up in the air and I sift through them and consider the possibility that their feelings changed and they could change again etc. I really go crazy, I play mind games with myself. I can't stop asking or wondering and drag it on because I need to understand.

  7. #57
    Member mikamickmac's Avatar
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    I separated from my wife of 16 yrs just on two years ago. For roughly the last 5yrs of the marriage, she had threatened divorce but I never thought much of it: in fact, I always thought that the "perfect marriage" was just around the corner, although I always thought it would come to me rather than me having to reach out for it.

    For a short time after she finally called it, I was devastated but I think the thing that upset me the most was the thought of being alone and "where do I go from here".

    For the next 3-4 mths, we were "separated under same roof" and that was probably the worst period of my life - very tense. Towards the end of that period, I went onto anti-depressants and had eight sessions with a psychologist, the focus of the sessions being "looking forward". At this point in time, I knew I was INTP but didn't know what being INTP meant and didn't mention my Type to the psychologist. From our chats, he felt that I might have Social Anxiety Disorder and gave me some tips around that.

    Once I moved out, it was like the monkey was off my back! Since, I have not had a single desire to try and resurrect the marriage. In fact, for a while, my greatest fear was that she would want me back and, with us having kids, how I would deal with that situation.

    The moment I left, I got straight into the internet dating scene, even though I had never looked at another woman throughout our marriage. I was, simply, ready to find a replacement (as harsh as that might sound). I couldn't get off the anti-depressants quickly enough - they were causing sexual dysfunction and, because of that, I thought they were more likely to cause depression than cure it.

    In the 18 mths since I left, I've had three unhappy days: the day before each of my sons' birthdays and Christmas Eve last year - the first times ever that I have not been involved in preparing for those special moments you have with your kids. Other than those three days, life has been fantastic.

    I've never really used the tips the psychologist gave me, but the chats did allay my fears to a large degree. So, while I did move on very quickly after the breakup and without looking back, I'm not sure that that was due to me being INTP or the chats with the psychologist. Perhaps a bit of both.

  8. #58
    Senior Member MiasmaResonance's Avatar
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    Though personality type plays a role, emotional stability (toss up with any type) will also influence how long it takes someone to get over a relationship. This means there is no real definite time frame; it all depends upon numerous factors, and thus it is silly to try to come up with a number to encompass every INTP.
    "A spill at the plant increased the phosphates in the lake and produced a scum of algae so thick that the swamp smell filled the air, infiltrating the genteel mansions. Debutantes cried over the misfortune of coming out in a season everyone would remember for its bad smell."

  9. #59
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MiasmaResonance View Post
    Though personality type plays a role, emotional stability (toss up with any type) will influence how long it takes someone to get over a relationship.
    Not necessarily.
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  10. #60
    Senior Member MiasmaResonance's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    Not necessarily.
    Yes, emotional stability will influence it. You cannot just counter with "not necessarily." Please provide an argument.

    Emotional stability will help to determine if a person can move on from a relationship, just as personality type will help to enable some people to more quickly move on from a failed relationship than others. They are both factors that must be taken into account. If a person is unstable, has self confidence issues, or anything emotionally "wrong" with them, it is likely that they will dwell on everything that went wrong for as long as it takes them to get over the issue, regardless of the fact they might be INTP or ESFJ. Someone with their priorities sorted and self confidence out will understand how to move on, even if they still happen to have feelings for the person. Emotional instability does not discriminate by type; anyone can be afflicted.

    An INTP with self confidence and few emotional problems will be more likely to move on from a relationship than an INTP with an inferiority complex, no matter the depth of their feelings. This usually holds true for every personality type.
    "A spill at the plant increased the phosphates in the lake and produced a scum of algae so thick that the swamp smell filled the air, infiltrating the genteel mansions. Debutantes cried over the misfortune of coming out in a season everyone would remember for its bad smell."

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