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  1. #31
    Member marquix's Avatar
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    I think its best when you put your heart to the flame and just tell her you love her without knowing what will happen. I broke up about a month or so ago and send her an email every now and then when I feel like it. I feel much better after and then just go about my business.

    To me, it seems logical to have a feeling in your heart that needs to have something done with it. I look at my options, I ignore it, or do something with it. Since I regard directing "her" feeling as "hers", I simply let her know.

    I'm never one to really do this, but I happened to have her email password and said, "oh what the heck, one peep to see if she even reads my emails won't hurt"...

    I checked the email and found out she had created a filter that sent them straight to the Deleted bin. This really gave me a wake up call because to some extent I was hoping we could patch it up and continue "again". The wake up call sort of left me there feeling like it was serious so I respected it.

    A week later, I felt like expressing myself with a simple "thinking of you" in the subject line... (from a different email that is) and felt good with that.

    I find it logical to take actions that purge or move the emotional burns or glows we feel develop in our chest. If you feel it, do something with it.

  2. #32
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Well perhaps more so with an FJ. Perhaps an xxTJ could give their opinion on the bullshit to the ladies and gentlemen of the motherfucking jury.

    PS. spell check corrected a misspelling of the word 'motherfucking'. Well well isn't that the modern word.
    TJ are Fi users, so I doubt this is true.

    Quote Originally Posted by marquix View Post
    I think its best when you put your heart to the flame and just tell her you love her without knowing what will happen. I broke up about a month or so ago and send her an email every now and then when I feel like it. I feel much better after and then just go about my business.

    To me, it seems logical to have a feeling in your heart that needs to have something done with it. I look at my options, I ignore it, or do something with it. Since I regard directing "her" feeling as "hers", I simply let her know.

    I'm never one to really do this, but I happened to have her email password and said, "oh what the heck, one peep to see if she even reads my emails won't hurt"...

    I checked the email and found out she had created a filter that sent them straight to the Deleted bin. This really gave me a wake up call because to some extent I was hoping we could patch it up and continue "again". The wake up call sort of left me there feeling like it was serious so I respected it.

    A week later, I felt like expressing myself with a simple "thinking of you" in the subject line... (from a different email that is) and felt good with that.

    I find it logical to take actions that purge or move the emotional burns or glows we feel develop in our chest. If you feel it, do something with it.
    That's just horrible, breaking in someone else's emailaccount is illegal, even if you do have the password. Take the wake up call as it is and stop contacting her. You're rationalising it by saying it makes you feel better, while in fact it will only prologue the time you are not going to be able to get over her. Worse yet, you are, probably subconsciously, trying to manipulate her into realizing what a nice guy you are and how vulnerable you are, and that you want her. And women just don't work that way.
    (removed)

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by marquix View Post
    I think its best when you put your heart to the flame and just tell her you love her without knowing what will happen. I broke up about a month or so ago and send her an email every now and then when I feel like it. I feel much better after and then just go about my business.

    To me, it seems logical to have a feeling in your heart that needs to have something done with it. I look at my options, I ignore it, or do something with it. Since I regard directing "her" feeling as "hers", I simply let her know.

    I'm never one to really do this, but I happened to have her email password and said, "oh what the heck, one peep to see if she even reads my emails won't hurt"...

    I checked the email and found out she had created a filter that sent them straight to the Deleted bin. This really gave me a wake up call because to some extent I was hoping we could patch it up and continue "again". The wake up call sort of left me there feeling like it was serious so I respected it.

    A week later, I felt like expressing myself with a simple "thinking of you" in the subject line... (from a different email that is) and felt good with that.

    I find it logical to take actions that purge or move the emotional burns or glows we feel develop in our chest. If you feel it, do something with it.
    Yes, I still find it amazing that you consider yourself an INTP. Did you even take the test? A lot of the stuff you say seems a fair bit deluded too. Maybe you think you're an INTP because you've convinced yourself everything you do is logical and rational, despite how much others here disagree.

  4. #34
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Well, it depends on who did the breaking up.

    If the INTP does the dumping, well... it is over and done with. Kaput. And the INTP will get really irked if the dumped person keeps asking around about them or hanging about or pestering them. (They want to avoid the awkward emotions, they want to avoid clinginess, they want to avoid being stalked.)
    Quote Originally Posted by Judous View Post
    Not sure I would be the best neutral INTP to comment, but if an INTP were to do the breaking. It's done, no questions. That means he/she has spent a huge amount of time, and finally came over their laziness to end it :P
    I can echo these, from this perspective. After the internal decision is made, it almost doesn't like feel like a decision. Almost seems like an inevitability. Something that must happen. I think it helps being the breaker-upper, simply because you have control, and determinacy which keeps the stress under control.

    I am having a problem determining what the relationship should be like afterwards. I don't know how that's supposed to work. Fe blindness, perhaps?

    The weakness, is if she makes a sound argument as why we should stay together. I'm such a slave to sense. The whole, "on the gripping hand" thing begins...

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    When an INTP is dumped? This could be somewhat bad, if the INTP does not really understand why the dumping occurred..
    Without a doubt. In fact, this can go on for years, depending on what stage of development it occurred in. *sigh*
    Intuition is the supra-logic that cuts out all the routine processes of thought and leaps straight from the problem to the answer.

  6. #36
    Senior Member Stevo's Avatar
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    I've had girlfriends that I've broken up with. I have had no problem with them. But there is one girl who broke up with me. Her, I've had problems with. We broke up 3 years ago now but I still feel strange whenever I see her. That relationship was also the only one I've had that I would consider a truly fulfilling relationship and I have nothing but good memories from it. So maybe I'm just seeking another relationship just like that one and because it's the only experience I've had I find myself yearning for her again when it doesn't necessarily have to be her that gives me what I want. I'm not sure though.

  7. #37
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stevo View Post
    So maybe I'm just seeking another relationship just like that one and because it's the only experience I've had I find myself yearning for her again when it doesn't necessarily have to be her that gives me what I want. I'm not sure though.
    I don't know how it works for others, but I do find myself attracted to connections, and types [not in the typology sense of the word] of people rather than individuals. I think you might be describing the same thing here. She is the only existence of the connection you desire, so you keep going back to it in your mind, but if you found someone else that gave you that, I'm sure you could get over it quickly.

    Took me forever to discover there was another kind of connection than the one I had. At least you know what to look for.

  8. #38
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    I don't know how it works for others, but I do find myself attracted to connections, and types [not in the typology sense of the word] of people rather than individuals. I think you might be describing the same thing here. She is the only existence of the connection you desire, so you keep going back to it in your mind, but if you found someone else that gave you that, I'm sure you could get over it quickly.

    Took me forever to discover there was another kind of connection than the one I had. At least you know what to look for.
    This. Especially the last part of the first paragraph.

  9. #39
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    As I understand the INTP, once it's over, it's over. Please consider this and help me figure out what to do and what not to do:

    My bf (INTP) broke up with me out of the blue. In the process, I asked him "do you really want to do this?" He replied that he didn't want to but felt like he had to and cried a lot.

    A week later, he agreed to meet with me to logically go through the "problems" we had (we didn't really have problems), and come to a mutual agreement about what to do. It was decided that we would take a temporary break. A few months. He absolutely promised that we'd meet up and we set a date, time and location, and he also said "people get back together all the time." He also requested that I not tell anyone, in case we get back together, it not be complicated. We also remained friends and "in a relationship" on facebook (though it has been hidden from everyone, and after, he didn't trust that, so he did end up changing it to "single"). We set expectations for the time of no-talking, which included no contact, that we both could/should date (but if we get back together, we will never discuss our time apart), and (my expectation of him) that he would BE OPEN-MINDED to the possibility, especially after such a long discussion of the non-dealbreakers in our relationship.

    What am I to think now? It hasn't been much time (3 weeks) and I'm going mad - that's the scientist and ENFJ in me. I can't help but fear that he's already forgotten all about me, and, thus, isn't being open-minded. I also can't help but fear that if he IS still thinking of me, he's intentionally squashing all of his feelings and focusing on "bad" things so as to get over me. Do you suppose this is accurate? Dare I write him an email reminder? Advice?

    PS - I HIGHLY doubt he will date anyone new. He fits the mold of a "recluse". And I love him!

  10. #40
    figsfiggyfigs
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    tl;dr

    He's definitely forgotten about you, esp after Skyrim came out.


    I'd give up anyways, he probably looks like this now.

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