User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 79

  1. #21
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    That sucks and it's normal to grieve and hurt. It's really good that you have your life on a better path and I think that if you keep plugging along things will start to feel better in the not too distant future. If you need to talk through things with a therapist, cognitive therapy is a pretty good style for something like this, IMO.

    I don't think you are the one to help or be with your ex-gf. It could too easily result in her dragging you down rather than you pulling her up. She needs to find her path herself. I would put as much distance there as you can stand.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  2. #22
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I don't think you are the one to help or be with your ex-gf. It could too easily result in her dragging you down rather than you pulling her up. She needs to find her path herself. I would put as much distance there as you can stand.
    +1

    Rip off that plaster. Fast.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #23
    Feline Member kelric's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INtP
    Posts
    2,168

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I don't think you are the one to help or be with your ex-gf. It could too easily result in her dragging you down rather than you pulling her up. She needs to find her path herself. I would put as much distance there as you can stand.
    I know that it's easy for a stranger to say, but I think that Cafe is completely right here, Dactyl. I know that 2009 wasn't a great year for you happiness-wise, but it sounds like it was a very good year in almost every other way. I think you need to try to focus on your new life and the good position you've put yourself into (and let happiness come from that -- it sounds like it will) -- distance is warranted, here.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #24
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    3

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post

    I don't think you are the one to help or be with your ex-gf. It could too easily result in her dragging you down rather than you pulling her up. She needs to find her path herself. I would put as much distance there as you can stand.
    It's amazing how easily swayed I am. Right now, I feel that you are 100% right.. and it feels good, thank you. I hope I still feel this way tomorrow.


    Quote Originally Posted by kelric View Post
    I know that it's easy for a stranger to say, but I think that Cafe is completely right here, Dactyl. I know that 2009 wasn't a great year for you happiness-wise, but it sounds like it was a very good year in almost every other way. I think you need to try to focus on your new life and the good position you've put yourself into (and let happiness come from that -- it sounds like it will) -- distance is warranted, here.
    I'll definitely try. thanks

  5. #25
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INfj
    Enneagram
    451 sx/so
    Socionics
    ENFj Ni
    Posts
    5,663

    Default

    I agree with Cafe and the others. Although it's extremely hard to do, because you are lonely and still love her, you probably won't be able to move on with your life very well while you are still hearing from her. I would encourage you to put some boundaries into place, and tell her as forthrightly as you can the next time she calls you that while you care very much for her, it is just to hard to hear from her, that she needs professional help, and you've done all you can do; as mean as that might make you feel. People with addictions just don't make good friends, and definitely don't have enough love for themselves, much less you, to make good relationships. She will only bring others down with her, as horrible as that sounds. Perhaps some day when she is clean you guys can reconnect, and if it's meant to be...............

    And know that it probably wasn't anything you did. Addiction sucks the life out of everything around it, and makes people other than who they truly are. It is a real travesty, not just for the user, but for their friends and family and intimates.

    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  6. #26
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    4,474

    Default

    Break ups are a bitch and not easy at all. I always had a difficulty with closure even though most of the battles are within. Think it would be easier if I was a J.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  7. #27
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INfj
    Enneagram
    451 sx/so
    Socionics
    ENFj Ni
    Posts
    5,663

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Break ups are a bitch and not easy at all. I always had a difficulty with closure even though most of the battles are within. Think it would be easier if I was a J.
    Bullshit. Much harder to need 'closure' and not get it, than not really need it.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  8. #28

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dactyl View Post

    She called me one day while I was in the pool with a friend and said to me those fateful words "I started seeing someone else" ..... "but I don't want you to stop talking to me".....



    She's an ENFJ

    thank you for anything

    If I had heard those words from a girlfriend Id dump her and cut all strings immediately. Shes no good. Its sad to say but youre probably just a cuddlebitch for her. And if shes addicted to heroin it should be so much easier for you to cut her off. It doesnt sound to me like shes the love of your life.

    Look at it from the bright side. Youre young and got all the good things in life sorted out. Except for a girlfriend. Just get off your computer and go to the gym or whatever and socialize with all the hot chicks there. It will help you forget her.

  9. #29
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    4,474

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    Bullshit. Much harder to need 'closure' and not get it, than not really need it.
    Well perhaps more so with an FJ. Perhaps an xxTJ could give their opinion on the bullshit to the ladies and gentlemen of the motherfucking jury.

    PS. spell check corrected a misspelling of the word 'motherfucking'. Well well isn't that the modern word.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  10. #30
    Senior Member BlueFlame's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    3w2
    Socionics
    ENFJ
    Posts
    181

    Default

    First of all, congratu_freaking-lations for getting your life on track! That's no small feat!

    Now, from the *other side* perspective
    I was once kicked to the curb by an INTP crutch. It was the absolute best thing he could have done for me (and I'm sure It was good for him, as well.).
    We met when we were both going through a really unhealthy time and we were both spinning out of control...drinking a lot and just being self-destructive in general. So we formed this very volatile, tense friendship that one of us (usually me) ended over and over and over again.
    Anyway, he started to move on witty his life and heal and put more focus into his business and his children and being happy and healthy and general, and I kind of got stuck where I was. But I was so used to having someone to rely on and wallow with when he was low, that I just automatically switched from providing mutual *support* to sucking the poor man dry. I was drinking a LOT at the point, but when my normal attempts at friendship started going unreturned, I started relying on the one thing that would ALWAYS bring him running...my need for his *help.* I'm fairly sure things were exaggerated, maybe even manufactured, just out of desperation to have this person in my life to rely on. He would ignore me, and I would KNOW he was ignoring me and that I should leave him alone, but I was so flipping out of my mind, and scared, I couldn't.
    In the end, this is what he told me:
    "You remind me of the absolute worst part of myself and the worst time in my life and the pain and destruction I caused to the people around me. I can't watch that again, which is why I need to be as far away from you as humanly possible - once and for all."

    It felt like he stabbed me in the heart, I didn't eat for weeks, and I was just generally miserable for a while, but lemme tell you...the pain I was dealing with had NOTHING to do with him and it couldn't be dealt with properly when I was in the middle of being a psychopathic codependent nutcase. And once I realized that, life only got better. For both of us.
    Down the road, we're friends again, but nowhere near where we were before and we never will be, simply because we tend to bring out the best and the worst in each other, but the best isn't worth the worst. But I still consider him one of my best friends, always.

    Anyway, I rambled on about a part of my life I don't even like to remember, much less talk abut because I wanted you to know that your *help* could be doing more harm than good to the BOTH of you, especially if she's still using. There's no way an addict can *truly* get their life on track, so your efforts are in vain, anyway. Your responsibility is to your own mental health, first in foremost....so just make sure t\o guard it so you don't put everything you've worked so hard for at risk.

    Best of luck to ya!


    By the way, I don't recommend just deleting and ignoring. An ENFJs need for closure is no less than an INTPs...but we're much more proactive and willing to hang around and bother you until we get it. Personally, leaving a relationship in a confused, unresolved state is far more damaging than leaving a relationship with closure. Explaining your thought processes now could save you a lot of grief in the future. Then deleting without reading is a great idea. Addicts are master manipulators. An ENFJ addict is downright scary.

    ~*79% Extraverted*~
    ~*74% iNtuition*~
    ~*74% Feeling*~
    ~*58% Judging*~

    Enneagram Type: SX 3w2

Quick Reply Quick Reply

  • :hi:
  • :bye:
  • :)
  • :smile:
  • :wubbie:
  • :D
  • :hug:
  • :happy2:
  • :newwink:
  • :wink:
  • ;)
  • :cry:
  • :(
  • :doh:
  • :mad:
  • :dry:
  • :mellow:
  • :unsure:
  • :huh:
  • :shock:

Similar Threads

  1. Rethinking INTPness after a few years
    By yellamo in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-11-2015, 04:28 PM
  2. [INTP] INTP personality type descritpion
    By SolitaryWalker in forum Myers-Briggs Type Profiles
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 12-08-2013, 06:58 PM
  3. [INTP] INTP loving again after multiple heart breaks?
    By SoInLove in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 07-01-2012, 06:59 AM
  4. [INTP] The INTP Appreciation Thread
    By MacGuffin in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 1013
    Last Post: 03-06-2012, 05:59 PM
  5. [INTP] How have you, as an INTP, dealt with a painful breakup?
    By NotOfTwo in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 02-18-2011, 04:52 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO