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[NT] Am I a narcissistic sadistic SOB?

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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It was recently been pointed out by my mother that I'm a narcissistic sadist who enjoys watching people get angry. I contend that I do it to better people even though my questions might be blunt. Still, there's some truth to what my mom said -- I do have a tendency to fixate on people who are weaker than I, find their buttons, and exploit them.


I'm not looking for people to validate me or to create an argument for the OP, just to tell me if they've really thought this about me or not. Please don't pull any punches. Even Jen. I won't be defensive; in fact, I won't even answer unless someone asks me a specific question. Thanks.
 

redacted

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you're abrasive. but it's obviously a cover-up.

you're not sadistic, you just project a bit.

you also want to challenge others' views because you think it'll help them grow, even if they don't want to hear it. you wish someone would do to you what you do to others, because you can likely run circles around the people you surround yourself with. you need/want someone to come along and call your shit just like you call other people's shit.

your coping mechanisms are too strong for your own self-growth.
 

Night

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No.

You seek truth and aren't afraid to throw elbows in its pursuit.


I admire that in you.
 

Tigerlily

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It was recently been pointed out by my mother that I'm a narcissistic sadist who enjoys watching people get angry. I contend that I do it to better people even though my questions might be blunt. Still, there's some truth to what my mom said -- I do have a tendency to fixate on people who are weaker than I, find their buttons, and exploit them.


I'm not looking for people to validate me or to create an argument for the OP, just to tell me if they're really thought this about me or not. Please don't pull any punches. Even Jen. I won't be defensive; in fact, I won't even answer unless someone asks me a specific question. Thanks.
Even me? What's that supposed to mean? Really I don't know what you mean.

I don't know you other than here (obviously) and I would say that you're probably spoiled and your mom was having a bad day (or week) and told you so. I grew up thinking that the world revolved around me because my Grandparents spoiled me and gave me whatever I wanted. Once they died reality hit, but I still have to remind myself that it's not all about ME. Hence my nickname "Princess PooPoo" or sometimes it's FrouFrou.

So what if you think you're great! I think I'm great too. If I don't, I can't assume everyone else will and if I have a high opinion of myself then hopefully others will catch on to my greatness. :smile:

As for the sadistic thing I can't relate to that as I prefer to see others happy and doing well. Maybe you're in a funk right now and seeing others miserable is comforting to you?

I'd say you're in the "finding yourself" phase in life which isn't uncommon in your 20's.

fwiw I like you and I'm sure your friends appreciate your humor and like hanging out with you.

PS Night stop being so nice.
 

cascadeco

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Honestly I think you bring up some valid points, and I've never really taken issue to anything you've posted. It might be though that I *think* I can see through some of your facade.:whistling:
 

nightning

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I find your posts okay... but I don't exactly pay that much attention to who posted what much. No Se/Si afterall. But if you can ask whether you are one, then chances are you're not one.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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Even me? What's that supposed to mean?

Seems like you nurturing side makes it hard for you to criticize people. *shrug*

I don't know you other than here (obviously) and I would say that you're probably spoiled and your mom was having a bad day (or week) and told you so.

My mom is insecure around people and "friends." I've been thinking about this lately. Today I asked her if there were any friends, aside from her sisters, who she felt really comfortable with. She took it as an attack. I tend to ask her prodding questions that threaten her worldview and she usually takes it personally, thinking I'm criticizing her achievements as a mother. She got pissed and walked away. Later she came upstairs and asked me what I really felt. I told her that she "psychologically shifts" around her friends because, as I see it, she's afraid of being rejected - an issue she struggled with in her past but isn't really open to confront these days. I told her that it was difficult for me to see that, that I tend to get embarrassed for her, and that it's hard for me to respect someone who doesn't carry him or herself with confidence. She get really mad, which actually, was nice, only because she was finally standing up for herself and pushing back on me. She left and called me to tell me what's in the OP.

Maybe you're in a funk right now and seeing others miserable is comforting to you?

Maybe. Definitely a possibility. However, the fact that my relationship with my mom is pretty constant indicates that there's something embedded in the relationship itself that brings out my "funk." Maybe it's that I have a hard time respecting her and wish I could. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a fucking asshole. Heh.
 

Tigerlily

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Seems like you nurturing side makes it hard for you to criticize people. *shrug*
Wow, thank you. :) I don't see myself as all that nice of a person to most people so that's interesting. I'm selectively nice.
My mom is insecure around people and "friends." I've been thinking about this lately. Today I asked her if there were any friends, aside from her sisters, who she felt really comfortable with. She took it as an attack. I tend to ask her prodding questions that question her worldview and she usually takes it personally, thinking I'm criticizing her achievements as a mother. She got pissed and walked away. Later she came upstairs and asked me what I really felt. I told her that she "psychologically shifts" around her friends because, as I see it, she's afraid of being rejected - an issue she struggled with in her past but isn't really open to confront these days. I told her that it was difficult for me to see that, that I tend to get embarrassed for her, and that it's hard for me to respect someone who doesn't carry him or herself with confidence. She get really mad, which actually, was nice, only because she was finally standing up for herself and pushing back on me. She left and called me to tell me what's in the OP.
What type is your mom?
Maybe. Definitely a possibility. However, the fact that my relationship with my mom is pretty constant indicates that there's something embedded in the relationship itself that brings out my "funk." Maybe it's that I have a hard time respecting her and wish I could. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a fucking asshole. Heh.
Are you spoiled? Have you led a privileged life? I think you can be childish and have brat attacks that catch people off guard when they occur. Probably doesn't happen often. Weird trying to analyze someone on the internet.
 

swordpath

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You don't seem like an overly nice person but that's ok.
 

Ghost of the dead horse

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I've said that you like to draw attention or something to the kind, but I think it's more on issues (that I find interesting), so I would not call you narcissistic per your forum image ;)

I can't tell what kind of reaction from us you have enjoyed and what not so. When did your mother think you enjoyed getting people angry the last time?
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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What type is your mom?

INFJ when it comes to people with INFP tendencies. Her type barely scratches the surface though. She's a therapist by trade. VERY VERY intuitive when it comes to people - bordering psychic. She loves talking about life and gleaning patterns. Her marriage to my father (ISTJ attorney) has been up and down, mostly down. She craves affection and intimacy, he's too shut off to give anything up. He's very detached in general. She's got insecure/fearful attachment; he's dismissive. The prominent theme in her life right now, I would say, is trying desperately to make her children (22, 24, 27) financially secure. She tries TOO HARD to fit in and make connections with her friends.

A lot of the desperation to be accepted and loved that I see in her, I also see in myself. I criticize it in both of us equally hard.

Are you spoiled? Have you led a privileged life?

Er. Yeah, I guess I've been privileged. If you can quantify it somehow, I could give you a better answer.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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I can't tell what kind of reaction from us you have enjoyed and what not so. When did your mother think you enjoyed getting people angry the last time?

She didn't say. I've been a little sick these past 2 days and that lowers my patience and raises my hostility levels. The last time I can think I went into confrontational mode was with my brother, last night. Before that, my other brother a week ago or so, but it wasn't as prolonged or intense.
 

Tigerlily

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If you don't get your way, how do you react?

BMW or Honda?

I pick on people I don't like or if I'm in a bad mood, tired, or hungry I can be dreadful. Sometimes I just feel like being an asshole. I can dish it out very well but often times can't take because my feelings will get in the way. Fucking stupid INFJ shit. :tongue10:
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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If you don't get your way, how do you react?

Depends on what and why. I would usually argue. I wouldn't tantrum.

BMW or Honda?

Heh. I'm driving my dad's old car, which I was forced to trade for my older car, a 2002 Honda Accord...that my dad bought me in college. :) When this car is totally dead, I'll either get a hybrid or some fuel-efficient convertible. I don't want to insult the environment and I don't really give a shit about how other people judge me for my car. I don't judge them for their cars.
 

Rajah

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I think you do a lot of (too much!) navel-gazing, but it's never come across as narcissistic to me. And sadistic? No way.
 

cafe

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I think you're playful and you like to get a reaction out of people.

You are, however, too old to be tormenting your mother and too young to be offering her your unsolicited opinion on how she conducts her personal and social life.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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I think you're playful and you like to get a reaction out of people.

You are, however, too old to be tormenting your mother

It's true but it's hard to stop. When I see her, the only thing that I see is her faults and I want to pick at them. Not just to hurt her, but to understand and solve. I guess it's like popping an emotional pimple. Hard to resist.

I really think it would be different if she carried herself with confidence. I know how fucked up that sounds, making it HER issue that I have little sympathy, but I do think it's true.

and too young to be offering her your unsolicited opinion on how she conducts her personal and social life.

Is this an age thing or a maturity thing? Being more on the T side, I tend to evaluate ideas based on their substance, regardless of the source.
 
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