User Tag List

First 456

Results 51 to 58 of 58

  1. #51
    Junior Member roninpro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    8

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    Toe in first? Who says you immediately have to go serious?

    My little XNTJ brother is 25 years old now and no girlfriend in sight. He has several female friends (all class mates and budding research scientists like him), but to the best of my knowledge never dated anybody even once. His life consists of studying, work as a teaching assistent and his hobbies and projects. Seems pretty happy with it.
    He sometimes talks about wanting a girlfriend, otherwise I might have started wondering if he might be looking on the wrong side of the road.
    Sure - I'm happy with what I do too. There are some (rare) times when I am interested in somebody but don't know what to do. It's a very confusing time of life!

    It's funny - I bet my parents wonder about me too, since I never talk about this kind of stuff with them, and I have very few female friends.

  2. #52
    Member zoossii's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    INTx
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    31

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Anyway. I think with INT's it takes a pretty significant degree of security and patience from the other, at least initially - and being ok with some of the lack of visible cues/signals that they're into you. I would imagine that's a big role in why many might end up ending things with INT's pretty early on, after a month or so - because you guys don't give very clear signals into where you stand on the relationship. And, you know, that's fine... I mean I could see other elements that gave me enough security and reasonable belief that he was into me (Primarily: He was incorporating me into his life by giving me his Time - which I know he doesn't do for many).... but again, I'm pretty sure that years ago I would have needed more signals and very well may have ended it pretty early.
    This is probably one of the biggest issues that INTs face. I would say that it's absolutely crucial for INTs to either shack up with someone who's near the same point on the T/F scale as they are, or someone who's secure enough to accept the ineptitude at emotional expression that INTs so often possess. From my somewhat meager personal experience, I can tell that a substantial lack of... let's call it emotional "warmth" ... is something that many people can't deal with. In relationships, most people want something close to constant reaffirmation of love & all those nifty special feelings. But, the common INT tendency is to not (overtly) show those feelings or make them very explicit/clear. Personally, I've found that this is rather exasperating for people who are not near the same point on that T/F scale (i.e. as much of a "T" as I am) and/or are incapable of being secure with such an INT partner.

  3. #53
    Senior Member Hera's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w6
    Socionics
    INTp
    Posts
    304

    Default

    Actually, I maintain pretty good relationships. I'm currently in a 3 year relationship right now, have been in 3 relationships total, and two were serious.

    I think the thing with me is that I only get into relationships if the person is worth my time. If I don't think you're worth 5 min of my day, I won't even go on a date with you. I'm very picky about my mates, but once I find a good relationship I hold onto it as best I can. He's an ENTP so we understand each other's needs for space and can discuss things without getting overwhelmed... We butt-heads sometimes, but it works. We bring out each other's good sides.

  4. #54
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    2,158

    Default

    Some really good stuff in this thread. It's such a strange phenomenon to me - there's the deep desire to be in a relationship, and then, for INxx's, there's this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog's_dilemma. An INTJ on the forum (maybe Coriolis) showed me that link many months ago and I found it very revealing. We're just so "prickly" and fussy, without trying to be. What's one to do? The desire for intimacy is there, but it's a significant challenge to actually make it happen "successfully" because of our natural inclination to turn inward and away from people. When we have to turn outward or towards people for long stretches of time (which is required often in a relationship), we get irritable and prickly.


    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    I know right?! INTx is my weakness. You guys are delicious.
    We're glad you think so. Somebody has to think us delicious.



    To be honest, i wish i had've known about MBTI and communication styles back then as what i perceived to be disinterest on his behalf, was just his way of showing his emotions. I couldn't reconcile how i could be so expressive with my feelings and he be so closed off (or so i thought) if we loved each other. It wasn't until we actually broke up that i realised the depth of feeling he had.... Ahhh hindsight, it's a bitch of a thing.
    Not trying to start an argument here, but I've never known INFP's to be expressive with their feelings. It's like pulling teeth to get their feelings out and verbalized (Fi). Huge guessing game with INFP's. And, at least in my experience (it leaves me dumbfounded), they always think they are being extremely expressive - when they aren't expressive at all. I'm talking verbally. As in, if you feel very deeply for someone, you say, "Hey, I want you to know that I feel very deeply for you" (straightforward, plain English), rather than just smiling at them and thinking that your smile means that you expressed your inner feelings. Fe, on the other hand, expresses feelings openly. If it loves, it says, "Hey, guess what? I love you." I'm not saying Fe is "better" than Fi - that's not my intention - I just wonder if you "thinking" that you were "so expressive with your emotions" was like the INFP's I've known. They thought they were expressive because of their actions (doing something nice for me) or maybe the "glimmer in their eye" or the fact that they were "frequently smiling" - those things are expressive, yes, but they don't help a xxTx to know what your feelings actually are. The only way for us to understand that is if you verbalize it in a crystal clear way. That your actual words mirror your actual inner feelings.

    I have no doubt that INFP's "feel" VERY, VERY deeply (perhaps deeper than any of the 16 types). But, just because they are feeling something intensely doesn't mean that their partner knows what they are feeling. If the partner is also an F, then they'll pick up on the "feeling". But, if the partner is T, then the inner feelings are invisible unless they are verbalized clearly and audibly. Just because you smiled brightly, had a twinkle in your eye, and had warm fuzzies in your stomach does not mean that I know what you are feeling. I know you're feeling something, but unless you say it, I'm not going to make assumptions about what your feelings might be.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  5. #55
    Member Pand0ra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    61

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Some really good stuff in this thread. It's such a strange phenomenon to me - there's the deep desire to be in a relationship, and then, for INxx's, there's this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog's_dilemma. An INTJ on the forum (maybe Coriolis) showed me that link many months ago and I found it very revealing. We're just so "prickly" and fussy, without trying to be. What's one to do? The desire for intimacy is there, but it's a significant challenge to actually make it happen "successfully" because of our natural inclination to turn inward and away from people. When we have to turn outward or towards people for long stretches of time (which is required often in a relationship), we get irritable and prickly.
    This is so true. That's why for me, after a couple of months it all fails. Rather than letting me open up in my own time some people become hurt and angry and try to push me into doing things I'm not comfortable with (such as meeting friends, family etc). When people become angry with me I avoid the subject even more. I was lucky with my current relationship, he's easygoing. If he'd like me to do something 'outgoing', he often suggests it off-handedly without any pressure, then says I don't have to do it if I don't want to. He probably knows full well that this encourages me to do it; he's much cleverer than he means to let on. I ain't no dummy though (well, not completely)

  6. #56
    Senior Member Greta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    MBTI
    INTe
    Posts
    166

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Some really good stuff in this thread. It's such a strange phenomenon to me - there's the deep desire to be in a relationship, and then, for INxx's, there's this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog's_dilemma. An INTJ on the forum (maybe Coriolis) showed me that link many months ago and I found it very revealing. We're just so "prickly" and fussy, without trying to be. What's one to do? The desire for intimacy is there, but it's a significant challenge to actually make it happen "successfully" because of our natural inclination to turn inward and away from people. When we have to turn outward or towards people for long stretches of time (which is required often in a relationship), we get irritable and prickly.
    Is there much "desire for intimacy" in all of us?
    *hopes she's not alone in lacking a deep desire for a relationship*

    The bolded bit is too true, though, which is why stretches of me-time are good for all involved.

  7. #57
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    Wanting intimacy is a basic requirement for humans, in some sort of form. So I would say that "desire for intimacy" is something that I crave for in my interaction with others. And betting on one person can be hurtful and create a state where Id much rather keep to myself than expose myself to that persons indirect contamination of my mind. But the approach of becoming a hermit, gives me nothing positive. And in that sense betting all my attention on one person, gives me nothing positive.

    But if I interact with more than one person and put faith and openness on more than one person I gain something significant, in the periods of time where we are apart.

    Do I find it hard to open up to people, yes. But it will be much more rewarding than staying in the corner all the time and letting noone in. O being afraid of letting that one person in because of fear of rejection.

  8. #58
    What is, is. Arthur Schopenhauer's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5
    Socionics
    INTj
    Posts
    1,158

    Default

    One that lasted maybe three to five months and another that lasted maybe two weeks. I don't think it was my fault that these relationships ended, however, as one left me for someone else and the other was somewhat paranoid and "emotionally-needy" yet unwilling to express anything relating to her problem. I am absolutely certain that the death of these relationships was for the best, as both women are riddled with an abundance of issues and incompatibilities.
    INTJ | 5w4 - Sp/Sx/So | 5-4-(9/1) | RLoEI | Melancholic-Choleric | Johari & Nohari

    This will not end well...
    But it will at least be poetic, I suppose...

    Hmm... But what if it does end well?
    Then I suppose it will be a different sort of poetry, a preferable sort...
    A sort I could become accustomed to...



Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-15-2012, 10:55 PM
  2. [MBTItm] relationship problem...
    By Rebe in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-11-2010, 02:11 PM
  3. [ESTJ] ESTJ relationship problem...
    By MDP2525 in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-09-2009, 12:09 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO