User Tag List

First 3456 Last

Results 41 to 50 of 58

  1. #41
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    I usually am the one who does the meeting... I tend to actually draw in female attention, which sort of annoys me, because I'd rather have them not be interested in me than be interested in me and then find out I am totally not compatible with their personality or agenda. But definitely what you said... It takes me forever to get around to actually making a move if there's mutual interest.
    I can totally relate to this (only switch "female" to "male" attention, since I'm a woman). I would much rather someone get to know me and know what they were getting into, and THEN maybe think I'm attractive. Because I always feel like I might look like the typical girl, but that's not what they'll be getting if they just see me as a cute blonde type. If someone's just interested in my looks, it's going to take us a lot longer to find out whether we're actually compatible or not, and then it feels like we're just wasting time, since it's so rare for INTPs to find someone they connect with anyway.
    Something Witty

  2. #42
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,561

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I can totally relate to this (only switch "female" to "male" attention, since I'm a woman). I would much rather someone get to know me and know what they were getting into, and THEN maybe think I'm attractive. Because I always feel like I might look like the typical girl, but that's not what they'll be getting if they just see me as a cute blonde type. If someone's just interested in my looks, it's going to take us a lot longer to find out whether we're actually compatible or not, and then it feels like we're just wasting time, since it's so rare for INTPs to find someone they connect with anyway.
    That's one reason why I never bothered with the window dressing, literal or figurative. If I am going to let someone get to know me personally, they get the real, unvarnished me. If that is not to their liking, they have plenty of warning to go elsewhere, or keep the relationship professional/impersonal. This is a great filter, and also saves time, money, effort, and fuss.

  3. #43
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,570

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Story of my life. In fact I was pretty happy not being in relationships most of the time. It was missing out on the steady sex that got to me.

    Don't expect the person to be on the same level/wavelength with you (if it helps draw an analogy between yourself and a puppy dog. You wouldn't expect the puppy to think like you and not need much reassurance)

    Look for someone with who you two mutually complement each other at least on some level.

    Not all dating/hooking up need to lead up to a relationship to be deemed "successful". Enjoy the process and appear to be enjoying the process...its seductive and it allows the other to mirror you and enjoy the process too.

    Avoid the pitfall of self absorption (in yourself) as much as you can. Learn to seduce and the power to elicit powerful emotions which lead to positive results for an overall long term seduction strategy (don't just make it up as you go along or otherwise simply react from situation to situation)

    Don't compromise for less than you can deal with.

    Aim High: Might as well shoot for true love.
    oh shit! this is like INTP porn.

    don't mind me, i'm just here on friendly reconnaissance.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  4. #44
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    CRZY
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    3,225

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    oh shit! this is like INTP porn.

    don't mind me, i'm just here on friendly reconnaissance.
    I know right?! INTx is my weakness. You guys are delicious.


    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I can totally relate to this (only switch "female" to "male" attention, since I'm a woman). I would much rather someone get to know me and know what they were getting into, and THEN maybe think I'm attractive. Because I always feel like I might look like the typical girl, but that's not what they'll be getting if they just see me as a cute blonde type. If someone's just interested in my looks, it's going to take us a lot longer to find out whether we're actually compatible or not, and then it feels like we're just wasting time, since it's so rare for INTPs to find someone they connect with anyway.
    I agree with these sentiments and im not an INTx, (however i do love you guys!) finding someone who matches you with your likes and dislikes and can mentally engage you, while respecting that I's need 'alone time' can be tricky, but it's worth it.

    My first serious boyfriend was an INTJ, we were together for 3 years from 18-21, I ended up leaving, as I thought after that amount of time he would be more comfortable in expressing his feelings and i forever felt like i was playing a guessing game with love.

    To be honest, i wish i had've known about MBTI and communication styles back then as what i perceived to be disinterest on his behalf, was just his way of showing his emotions. I couldn't reconcile how i could be so expressive with my feelings and he be so closed off (or so i thought) if we loved each other. It wasn't until we actually broke up that i realised the depth of feeling he had.... Ahhh hindsight, it's a bitch of a thing.

    Heh, sorry, that probably doesn't help much.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  5. #45
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I can totally relate to this (only switch "female" to "male" attention, since I'm a woman). I would much rather someone get to know me and know what they were getting into, and THEN maybe think I'm attractive. Because I always feel like I might look like the typical girl, but that's not what they'll be getting if they just see me as a cute blonde type. If someone's just interested in my looks, it's going to take us a lot longer to find out whether we're actually compatible or not, and then it feels like we're just wasting time, since it's so rare for INTPs to find someone they connect with anyway.
    yes, I agree.

    I honestly dont see being a specific type should make it more difficult to have a relationship. Did I have any when I was in my teens or even early twenties? No. But eventually I did and it didnt turn out that great. Over the course of my life Ive been seriously in love and reciprocated 3 or 4 times. Im 33 btw. So I do understand its not fun being the last one of the batch of friends thats not in a serious relationship. But eventually its not the measure of me and since Im not good at maintaining relationships why not figure out how to do better? Maybe thats actually more productive than talk about how horrible I feel and blame it on my type.

  6. #46
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    INTj
    Posts
    627

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by slowriot View Post
    I honestly dont see being a specific type should make it more difficult to have a relationship. Did I have any when I was in my teens or even early twenties? No. But eventually I did and it didnt turn out that great. Over the course of my life Ive been seriously in love and reciprocated 3 or 4 times. Im 33 btw. So I do understand its not fun being the last one of the batch of friends thats not in a serious relationship. But eventually its not the measure of me and since Im not good at maintaining relationships why not figure out how to do better? Maybe thats actually more productive than talk about how horrible I feel and blame it on my type.
    I believe you've misunderstood what we're talking about, my friend. I merely was curious if other INTx's had similar problems as mine. I am quite active in improving and doing better on how I relate to relationships, and I certainly don't whine and mope about it. This entire topic has been me attempting to understand the way a particular type approaches relationships, not an excuse to not take responsibility for my own failures or shortcomings. If I can find people who are similar to me, and have done things that I have done in the past, wouldn't that actually improve my chances of figuring out how to do better? I think so. Apologies if I came across as whiny or victimized in any of these posts, as that was certainly not my intent.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Ego Reparate; Ob Me Non Deficiat.
    INTJ - RCOEI - sx/sp/so - Tritype: 683 (6w5-8w9-3w4) - True Neutral
    "Yeah, wisdom always chooses/These black eyes and these bruises"
    "Over the heartache that they say/Never completely goes away..."

  7. #47
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,647

    Default

    Maybe this should o into this thread:


    The perfect guy has the brains, body and personality. Emotional compatibility is what it comes down to, but is the hardest to acertain. Intellectual compatibility can be estimated after some conversation and looks is a split second thing.
    Ideally, all three should be there. Looks wears off fastest. So when in doubt it should go: personality > brains > body. But the few times I go out and meet new people, say at a friend's party, it is: walk into the room, see if there are any guys I would consider physically attractive, ignore that info for the moment, join friends, maybe try and intergrate one or two strangers into the conversation, scan them for potential. A. They are boring. B. they are fun to talk to but uninteresting. C. they are fun to talk to and interesting. Now it is time to put your foot in your mouth. If we end up having a one on one conversation both obviously enjoy, it is time for one of us to suggest meeting again, exchange data or something like that. Good. Now comes the part where I either like them and f*ck things up by not playing games and advancing too fast or it turnd out the guy is not that interesting after all and I have to delicately put it to him if he doesn't get the message after half a dozent "sorry, I'm busy this weekend".

    I only really dated three guys since my last relationship (and it's been a while): The first one was a smart, fun and attractive but a bit weird (a philisophy PhD student with some very strange ideas). Probably Ni dom. On one occasion we spend three or four hours discussing ontoloy. He initiated at first but needed to be taken by the hand a bit and eventually withdrew after a few dates before getting fully horizontal because "things went so fast". WTF, I wasn't planning longterm at that time. He flaked in the very, very last moment. We're more or less friends now, but that one was a waste of time. Nice guy, but disturbed. I gave it a try because brain and body were there (well the attraction, I never got the full taste of the body).
    Guy #2 was an INTJ, fun, smart, handsome, sexy, excellent conversation, he initiated and everything looked great for a few dates (even though he too repeatedly flaked in bed in the very, very last moment) because "there is so much goin on in my life right now. I only have sex when I'm in a relationship and I can't accomodate for one right now. My translation back then: not really that into me. Friends now. Muatually confirmed brain and body attraction there but not enough personal connection I guess.
    Guy #3 was a fellow INTP. Nice conversation even there were a few signs that should have tipped me off. A bit shy, but initiated. No emotional connection at all but we were friends with benefits for a short while until I became bored by it. He's nice, but neither stimulating nor hot enough to compensate for the lack of emotional closeness.

    Not sure if that shows that I'm too picky or not picky enough. But a petite 30 year old female INTP 5w4 sp/so is not everybody's idea of a perfect mate either. So after the mutual filtering is done, there aren't too many candidates left. On top of that, when I do get approached by a complete stranger without having had a conversation first (see above) my reflex will be one flight rather than fight. Many come across as desperate, drooling on everything that has a skirt on and still breaths or obviously more after looks than the mind (yes, I know, you can't see the mind, but it is still possible to quickly tell tghe guy who cares more about looks from the guy who cares more about the mind). So that is a filter before the filter and based on both split second chemistry and pure coincidence (depending on the context of the approach).

    I hate waiting for the guy or playing games, but experience has taught me otherwise.

    So, what are my chances of becoming a nun? Most of the above is spontaneous and hard to control, but I'm willing to learn.

    Ooops, maybe this should go into the Why INTX Suck At Romance thread. *ponders*
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
    A herring's blog
    Johari / Nohari

  8. #48
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    I believe you've misunderstood what we're talking about, my friend. I merely was curious if other INTx's had similar problems as mine. I am quite active in improving and doing better on how I relate to relationships, and I certainly don't whine and mope about it. This entire topic has been me attempting to understand the way a particular type approaches relationships, not an excuse to not take responsibility for my own failures or shortcomings. If I can find people who are similar to me, and have done things that I have done in the past, wouldn't that actually improve my chances of figuring out how to do better? I think so. Apologies if I came across as whiny or victimized in any of these posts, as that was certainly not my intent.
    yes, I think so too.

  9. #49
    Junior Member roninpro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    8

    Default

    (First post here. Visiting from another forum.)

    I'm in my early twenties here with no relationship experience.

    I feel like getting into relationships is like trying to board a moving train. How do I get on without being splattered?

  10. #50
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,647

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by roninpro View Post
    (First post here. Visiting from another forum.)

    I'm in my early twenties here with no relationship experience.

    I feel like getting into relationships is like trying to board a moving train. How do I get on without being splattered?
    Toe in first? Who says you immediately have to go serious?

    My little XNTJ brother is 25 years old now and no girlfriend in sight. He has several female friends (all class mates and budding research scientists like him), but to the best of my knowledge never dated anybody even once. His life consists of studying, work as a teaching assistent and his hobbies and projects. Seems pretty happy with it.
    He sometimes talks about wanting a girlfriend, otherwise I might have started wondering if he might be looking on the wrong side of the road.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
    A herring's blog
    Johari / Nohari

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-15-2012, 10:55 PM
  2. [MBTItm] relationship problem...
    By Rebe in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-11-2010, 02:11 PM
  3. [ESTJ] ESTJ relationship problem...
    By MDP2525 in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-09-2009, 12:09 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO