The perfect guy has the brains, body and personality. Emotional compatibility is what it comes down to, but is the hardest to acertain. Intellectual compatibility can be estimated after some conversation and looks is a split second thing.
Ideally, all three should be there. Looks wears off fastest. So when in doubt it should go: personality > brains > body. But the few times I go out and meet new people, say at a friend's party, it is: walk into the room, see if there are any guys I would consider physically attractive, ignore that info for the moment, join friends, maybe try and intergrate one or two strangers into the conversation, scan them for potential. A. They are boring. B. they are fun to talk to but uninteresting. C. they are fun to talk to and interesting. Now it is time to put your foot in your mouth. If we end up having a one on one conversation both obviously enjoy, it is time for one of us to suggest meeting again, exchange data or something like that. Good. Now comes the part where I either like them and f*ck things up by not playing games and advancing too fast or it turnd out the guy is not that interesting after all and I have to delicately put it to him if he doesn't get the message after half a dozent "sorry, I'm busy this weekend".
I only really dated three guys since my last relationship (and it's been a while): The first one was a smart, fun and attractive but a bit weird (a philisophy PhD student with some very strange ideas). Probably Ni dom. On one occasion we spend three or four hours discussing ontoloy. He initiated at first but needed to be taken by the hand a bit and eventually withdrew after a few dates before getting fully horizontal because "things went so fast". WTF, I wasn't planning longterm at that time. He flaked in the very, very last moment. We're more or less friends now, but that one was a waste of time. Nice guy, but disturbed. I gave it a try because brain and body were there (well the attraction, I never got the full taste of the body).
Guy #2 was an INTJ, fun, smart, handsome, sexy, excellent conversation, he initiated and everything looked great for a few dates (even though he too repeatedly flaked in bed in the very, very last moment) because "there is so much goin on in my life right now. I only have sex when I'm in a relationship and I can't accomodate for one right now. My translation back then: not really that into me. Friends now. Muatually confirmed brain and body attraction there but not enough personal connection I guess.
Guy #3 was a fellow INTP. Nice conversation even there were a few signs that should have tipped me off. A bit shy, but initiated. No emotional connection at all but we were friends with benefits for a short while until I became bored by it. He's nice, but neither stimulating nor hot enough to compensate for the lack of emotional closeness.
Not sure if that shows that I'm too picky or not picky enough. But a petite 30 year old female INTP 5w4 sp/so is not everybody's idea of a perfect mate either. So after the mutual filtering is done, there aren't too many candidates left. On top of that, when I do get approached by a complete stranger without having had a conversation first (see above) my reflex will be one flight rather than fight. Many come across as desperate, drooling on everything that has a skirt on and still breaths or obviously more after looks than the mind (yes, I know, you can't see the mind, but it is still possible to quickly tell tghe guy who cares more about looks from the guy who cares more about the mind). So that is a filter before the filter and based on both split second chemistry and pure coincidence (depending on the context of the approach).
I hate waiting for the guy or playing games, but experience has taught me otherwise.
So, what are my chances of becoming a nun? Most of the above is spontaneous and hard to control, but I'm willing to learn.
Ooops, maybe this should go into the Why INTX Suck At Romance thread. *ponders*