User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 58

  1. #21
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    INTj
    Posts
    626

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    To sum up: in my experience, relationships can't be forced, and should not be pursued just for the sake of it. There is too much else to do in life. Don't waste your energy on the obviously incompatible. Do be yourself, live your life, and be open to opportunities that arise. Quality over quantity.
    You've basically said exactly what I've been trying to make myself believe for the past couple years, but somehow it's a whole lot more convincing to me when it's coming from another person. Also thank you very much for being willing to share your experiences... maybe I'll be on the lookout for an xNTP myself in the future, provided they don't get in the way of my life's goals.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Ego Reparate; Ob Me Non Deficiat.
    INTJ - RCOEI - sx/sp/so - Tritype: 683 (6w5-8w9-3w4) - True Neutral
    "Yeah, wisdom always chooses/These black eyes and these bruises"
    "Over the heartache that they say/Never completely goes away..."

  2. #22
    Senior Member ScorpioINTP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    6-5
    Posts
    347

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    I can never tell if I'm paying enough attention, and I'm usually worried about coming off as too interested in the person I'm after...
    I hear ya. I am a pretty honest/straightforward person and if I really like someone, I am the guy that calls the day after a first meet/date. When I finally find someone I feel a connection with, It is like a drug and I want to see the person frequently in the beginning (too frequent?) and that sometimes pushes people away or comes off too strong if I let them know what I am thinking. I abhor playing games and social conventions in general.

    I just got out of a relationship of 5.5 yrs (ISFJ?). Previous longest was 3 yrs in college. I would like to just stumble into a relationship like someone said, but because of how I live and what I do, its very unlikely to find a relationship that way (although it has happened) for me in particular. It is good advice, I just don't generally meet women through my hobbies. Work occasionally in the past (but then I wonder is it just because we work together or are we really right for each other?).

    I've had a good # of relationships that ended for very different reasons. Often due to geography in my earlier years. Its pretty common for one or the other (or both) to take each other for granted.
    Type 6w5 sp/so/sx I think..I have not fully explored this and just discovered it.

  3. #23
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    341

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ScorpioINTP View Post
    I hear ya. I am a pretty honest/straightforward person and if I really like someone, I am the guy that calls the day after a first meet/date. When I finally find someone I feel a connection with, It is like a drug and I want to see the person frequently in the beginning (too frequent?) and that sometimes pushes people away or comes off too strong if I let them know what I am thinking. I abhor playing games and social conventions in general.
    This, in spades. I don't like playing games, and I know someone is serious when they don't drag their feet on contacting me. I also tend to have that "drug addicted" infatuation phase, but I've learned in recent years to curb that a bit and maintain my own "stuff" that I have going on in my life. That way I don't let the relationship consume me and I can approach the "mate evaluation" with a little more rationality.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    The more significant common factor in all my relationships is that I did not go looking for any of them. I just went about my business, pursuing my goals and enjoying my interests, and every so often ran across a person I found myself spending time with.

    ...........

    To sum up: in my experience, relationships can't be forced, and should not be pursued just for the sake of it. There is too much else to do in life. Don't waste your energy on the obviously incompatible. Do be yourself, live your life, and be open to opportunities that arise. Quality over quantity.

    Also, Spamtar's advice about self-absorption is worthwhile, even for those of us in long term relationships.
    The best relationships I've had were when I was doing my own thing, taking care of me and being happy with who I am and where I am in life. I wasn't necessarily looking to get involved with anyone. Granted, if your hobbies do not facilitate you meeting new people, this could be a bit of a challenge. But I've literally met people at the grocery store, the post office, and the movie theater. It's OK to approach a girl you think is cute and who might like you. Chances are she'll be flattered.

  4. #24
    Senior Member ScorpioINTP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    6-5
    Posts
    347

    Default

    This, in spades. I don't like playing games, and I know someone is serious when they don't drag their feet on contacting me. I also tend to have that "drug addicted" infatuation phase, but I've learned in recent years to curb that a bit and maintain my own "stuff" that I have going on in my life. That way I don't let the relationship consume me and I can approach the "mate evaluation" with a little more rationality.
    Easier said than done, but smart if you can pull it off. Unfortunately, many women (and men too I assume) get turned off if you show too much interest too soon.



    The best relationships I've had were when I was doing my own thing, taking care of me and being happy with who I am and where I am in life. I wasn't necessarily looking to get involved with anyone. Granted, if your hobbies do not facilitate you meeting new people, this could be a bit of a challenge. But I've literally met people at the grocery store, the post office, and the movie theater. It's OK to approach a girl you think is cute and who might like you. Chances are she'll be flattered.
    I've always been so afraid to approach women like this. I have on rare occasions, but I am a terrible ice breaker in general. They almost always turn out to be attached too. It should be flattering, but then you hear a smattering of women who just can't be bothered and makes you feel worse about even trying. Unfortunately, I never see attractive women at the grocery store or post office etc. I think that has to do with the locations I have chosen to live in partially. I see the occasional MILF though.

    One thing I have found, is women seem more attracted to me when I am in a relationship. I'm sure that can be a variety of reasons, from the vibe I give off, being more relaxed or to the challenge factor.
    Type 6w5 sp/so/sx I think..I have not fully explored this and just discovered it.

  5. #25
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    INTj
    Posts
    626

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ScorpioINTP View Post
    I've always been so afraid to approach women like this. I have on rare occasions, but I am a terrible ice breaker in general. They almost always turn out to be attached too. It should be flattering, but then you hear a smattering of women who just can't be bothered and makes you feel worse about even trying.
    Yes, this is definitely an issue for me as well. The best I can do to express interest is sort of linger around for a brief period of time in between other activities or make a deliberate effort to stand next to or near them during those events. Aside from that, I don't usually do much else, I just work and carry on my usual routine and expect them to engage first. Kind of a backwards strategy, but I haven't been able to change it as of yet.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Ego Reparate; Ob Me Non Deficiat.
    INTJ - RCOEI - sx/sp/so - Tritype: 683 (6w5-8w9-3w4) - True Neutral
    "Yeah, wisdom always chooses/These black eyes and these bruises"
    "Over the heartache that they say/Never completely goes away..."

  6. #26
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,577

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    We finally have an answer to the 'male or female' question.
    I was curious as to who would be interested enough to take note. Yes, gay marriage opportunities were even rarer 10 years ago than they are today.

  7. #27
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,577

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    You've basically said exactly what I've been trying to make myself believe for the past couple years, but somehow it's a whole lot more convincing to me when it's coming from another person. Also thank you very much for being willing to share your experiences... maybe I'll be on the lookout for an xNTP myself in the future, provided they don't get in the way of my life's goals.
    The key is to find someone with their own life goals and interests. Then, each of you stands on your own two feet, just together instead of alone. No resentment, no jealousy, no clinginess. Everything in balance.

  8. #28
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    eNfj
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    660

    Default

    I was in a 9 year relationship with an INTJ, prior to me his longest relationship was 9 months, but not really since he told me the only reason he dated this girl was because he had no friends and he liked her group of friends, but not so much her (that should have been a sign for me to run, but I was only 20 so cut me some slack ) We got along really well and accomplished a lot - we were an unstoppable team, but there was a lot to be desired in the romance department.

    The relationship right after that was with an INTP (1.5 years). He was a big ol' teddy bear, but ultimately no dice. We are still friends...going out for drink on monday as a matter-of-fact

    I would say they were both near misses.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  9. #29
    Senior Member Owlesque's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    417

    Default

    I've only been in two relationships, and neither of them lasted for more than a couple of months. In retrospect, the first guy was probably an ESTP, and the second an ENFP. Neither were particularly experienced in dating, so a lot of it was worked around them talking to my friends about my interest or lack thereof because they were too shy or scared to approach me themselves. That probably doomed the first one, and for the second, it became a matter of practicality because our relationship was literally based on the only one or two shared interests we could talk about at length, and we wanted very different things out of life.

    I was interested in someone recently, but I've since moved on. We'd been bantering and bouncing sarcasm off one another for some time, and there was definitely interest expressed both ways, to the point of it being fairly blatant on his part. I came to realise that he had some serious self-esteem issues (I literally can't type him because of the inconsistencies), but I did get him to be less guarded once he realised that he honestly couldn't offend me regardless of what his opinions were as long as he defended them rationally. In turn I've probably acted the most like my true self around him than anyone else I know. When I finally made a move that could have been taken entirely platonically if he wished it to (an offer to go on a local hike/outing with me, because he wanted to learn more about certain wildlife that I'm familiar with), he never followed through despite initially expressing enthusiasm at the idea. It's rare for me to be even remotely proactive or assertive in these kinds of situations because I'm so hesitant and obsessed with working out all the possible outcomes, so when I do act and it doesn't work in my favour or seems to drag on forever, I drop it and move on. We're still friends and there is still banter, but I keep it at the platonic line.

  10. #30
    Junior Member PsychedelicPlatypus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    17

    Default

    I've been with an INTP for a little over two years. I think they may be my favorite type

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-15-2012, 10:55 PM
  2. [MBTItm] relationship problem...
    By Rebe in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-11-2010, 02:11 PM
  3. [ESTJ] ESTJ relationship problem...
    By MDP2525 in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-09-2009, 12:09 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO