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  1. #11
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
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    I can never tell if I'm paying enough attention, and I'm usually worried about coming off as too interested in the person I'm after... Maybe that results in a similar situation to the one ExAstrisSpes describes, but I can never be sure. I need a lot of feedback, and automatically assume they'll pick up on that. I don't want to end up smothering someone with loyalty, either, so if your INTP is anything like me that'd explain the hot'n'cold situation. We get too close (in our minds) and then back off again until we get feedback or just really miss the person.
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    "Yeah, wisdom always chooses/These black eyes and these bruises"
    "Over the heartache that they say/Never completely goes away..."

  2. #12
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Story of my life. In fact I was pretty happy not being in relationships most of the time. It was missing out on the steady sex that got to me.

    Don't expect the person to be on the same level/wavelength with you (if it helps draw an analogy between yourself and a puppy dog. You wouldn't expect the puppy to think like you and not need much reassurance)

    Look for someone with who you two mutually complement each other at least on some level.

    Not all dating/hooking up need to lead up to a relationship to be deemed "successful". Enjoy the process and appear to be enjoying the process...its seductive and it allows the other to mirror you and enjoy the process too.

    Avoid the pitfall of self absorption (in yourself) as much as you can. Learn to seduce and the power to elicit powerful emotions which lead to positive results for an overall long term seduction strategy (don't just make it up as you go along or otherwise simply react from situation to situation)

    Don't compromise for less than you can deal with.

    Aim High: Might as well shoot for true love.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  3. #13
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Having strong ideals is a bitch.

  4. #14
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sciguy90 View Post
    Second year of college as well. Been in about 4 relationships in my life. Longest one was about 2 months.
    I was in four. The longest (the marriage) has lasted close to twenty years. But I had to change a LOT to make that work, and look at relationships in a much different way.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #15
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    One thus far. It lasted 6 months or so. She was an Ixfj (Though I used to think P, this seems much more fitting).

  6. #16
    Senior Member Greta's Avatar
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    Other people have always seemed keener on getting into and being in relationships. At some level, I still don't understand this need. But, of those few I've been in, the longest have been with other NTs. (one 3+ and another almost a year). I think the vaunted NF-NT pairing can leave a lot to be desired on both ends.

  7. #17
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Don't expect the person to be on the same level/wavelength with you (if it helps draw an analogy between yourself and a puppy dog. You wouldn't expect the puppy to think like you and not need much reassurance)

    Look for someone with who you two mutually complement each other at least on some level.
    This is actually something I hadn't thought of before... and it's an interesting idea that I think really applies to most of my relationships. I can't just assume they understand me or where I'm coming from merely because they are attracted to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Avoid the pitfall of self absorption (in yourself) as much as you can. Learn to seduce and the power to elicit powerful emotions which lead to positive results for an overall long term seduction strategy (don't just make it up as you go along or otherwise simply react from situation to situation)

    Don't compromise for less than you can deal with.

    Aim High: Might as well shoot for true love.
    This is some damn good advice, if I do say.

    Quote Originally Posted by Greta View Post
    Of those few I've been in, the longest have been with other NTs. (one 3+ and another almost a year). I think the vaunted NF-NT pairing can leave a lot to be desired on both ends.
    This is also interesting to me... perhaps it's that difference between thinking and feeling that drives the two apart. I know I couldn't stand it when my most recent ex insisted on making decisions based only on feelings and hunches... mainly because they usually got her hurt a lot, and I hate it when people under my "protection" (for lack of a better term) get hurt. I feel responsible for it, as I imagine most types like me do.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    INTJ - RCOEI - sx/sp/so - Tritype: 683 (6w5-8w9-3w4) - True Neutral
    "Yeah, wisdom always chooses/These black eyes and these bruises"
    "Over the heartache that they say/Never completely goes away..."

  8. #18
    Member Pand0ra's Avatar
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    I can relate, previous to my current relationship (5 months) I rarely had a relationship that lasted longer than 2 months (with the exception of on 6 year relationship with an ESTP that was loveless and dragged out because we both feared change). At the 2 month mark of relationships I would have no idea how to maintain the whole 'dating' thing and would somehow manage to upset people. Though when I dated a fellow INTP, HE managed to confuse ME utterly by never seeming interested, needless to say we never seemed interested in each other and both became very avoidant. I guess that made me realise there's something called 'reciprocation', which is vital to maintaining a relationship. I'm still learning this but so far the effort is paying off and makes one hell of a difference.

    By the way I am not assuming this applies to you, just giving my experience.

  9. #19
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    To give you a few more data, I have been in 5 relationships of any significance (defined as > 1 date):

    1. during high school, possible ISFP, lasted most of a school year; really just another loner I hung out with sometimes
    2. during college, likely INTP, lasted ~3 mos; just for fun and shared interests (movies, SF/fantasy, etc)
    3. after college, likely ISTP, lasted ~6 mos; we realized we had come to take each other for granted and just broke it off by mutual consent
    4. some years after (3), likely ISTJ, lasted almost a year and a half; we were actually engaged to be married and he broke it off for no specific reason. Seems he just got cold feet. He wanted to get back together a few months later, but I had moved on and declined.
    5. not long after (4), definite INTP; has lasted over 10 years now -- yes, we are still together.

    Yes, I see a trend here: all I's and mostly T's (type of (1) is a real guess). The more significant common factor in all my relationships is that I did not go looking for any of them. I just went about my business, pursuing my goals and enjoying my interests, and every so often ran across a person I found myself spending time with. We always started out as friends first. I usually considered myself too busy to sustain a dating relationship, so the people I did date really went out of their way to get my attention.

    As for my current and longest relationship, we are a bit like that joke type profile that says INTJ and INTP make natural partners since neither realizes they are in a relationship! No, we don't take each other for granted as happened in (3) above, but we each do our own thing much more than most couples we know, and there is never a sense of clinginess or dependence on either side. We continue to want each other rather than need each other, though the shared logistics is certainly a boon. The longer we are together, the more secure we are in our mutual caring, and the less conventional our expressions of it become as we learn more about each other.

    To sum up: in my experience, relationships can't be forced, and should not be pursued just for the sake of it. There is too much else to do in life. Don't waste your energy on the obviously incompatible. Do be yourself, live your life, and be open to opportunities that arise. Quality over quantity.

    Also, Spamtar's advice about self-absorption is worthwhile, even for those of us in long term relationships.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    4. some years after (3), likely ISTJ, lasted almost a year and a half; we were actually engaged to be married and he broke it off for no specific reason. Seems he just got cold feet. He wanted to get back together a few months later, but I had moved on and declined.
    We finally have an answer to the 'male or female' question.

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