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Thread: ENTJ's: Why don't you want to be my friend??

  1. #41
    Junior Member Array quidtimeam's Avatar
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    Jan 2011


    I find that the best way to engage ENTJs is to challenge their assessment of something immediately empirical, like their work or current event. Something that they can't write off as useless theorizing, so they will be compelled to engage with you and your more insular Ti. I've had so many great conversations with ENTJs that began with me offering some idiosyncratic Ti interpretation of a shared experience. Bring your dense inner world into their world of practical affairs, and connect it with your shared intuition.
    There is a fundamental conviction which some people never acquire, some hold only in their youth, and a few hold to the end of their days--the conviction that ideas matter.The nature of this conviction? That ideas matter means that knowledge matters, that truth matters, that one’s mind matters. And the radiance of that certainty, in the process of growing up, is the best aspect of youth.
    -Ayn Rand

  2. #42
    Senior Member Array INTPness's Avatar
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    Jan 2009


    ENTJ's are fun. Once I let my guard down a bit, we have some really good laughs and great conversations. I wish I could pick their brains even more, but they seem to eventually get tired of the theorizing and abstract discussion. They are a wealth of information on whatever subjects they have undertaken and I like to pick at their brains - both for knowledge and for the mental stimulation, oh and to poke holes in their arguments and make them re-think the things they thought they were so sure of (not to be a jerk, but just cuz that's what INTP's do, we like to look at things from all angles and challenge assumptions).

    I have tremendous respect for their work ethic and their complete and total dedication to whatever they set out to do (super duper, mega respect for that). Where it can begin to break down for me is when they start to suggest and imply that I'm supposed to do things their way all the time, or when they start to impose that upon me. With a good friend of mine, I value his friendship so much that I've literally told myself to give in and meet him half way. He does control a little bit at times, but I've learned to just give that to him. My natural instinct is to fight him for that control, but I just sort of let him lead in certain situations and it tends to work out fairly smoothly and we're able to keep our friendship strong. I think he gets irritated also when he invites me places and I don't go.

    All I would ask from ENTJ's is "respect the autonomy". Give us a little more space/leeway than you might otherwise give others. Instead of hanging out twice a week, we might only want to hang out once a month for a couple hours. But, that once a month will be good times. If we say that we don't want to hang out tonight, just say, "OK, cool. Catch up with you another time then!"

    Oh, and when we act like we're smarter than you or act arrogant, just snap us out of it. Don't sweat it - just know that it's a weakness of ours, but a good, mentally strong INTP will hear you out and if you call him out on his B.S. (without making a public fool of him), he'll respect it. I think my ENTJ friend just said something to me in private one time - something like, "You have some really good thoughts, but in reality you................blah, blah, blah...................basically, you need to do better!" Just deal straight with us (but allow us to keep our autonomy). We'll come around. We can take whatever you dish out, so long as you do it respectfully and don't make a scene.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.

    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

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