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  1. #61
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    For your sanity and mine, OP, don't post again till you've confronted your INTP.
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

    "Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." - Greg King
    The worst mistake people make in political arguments is assuming that the other side is not trying to do the right thing. This simple oversight makes productive conversation nearly impossible.

  2. #62
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    2 INT years = 2.5 ENFP months? Not to start a holy war but I have noticed that ENFPs seem to move at a different pace when bonding with people. In my case, it was easy to identify his virtues, vulnerabilities, subtle aspects of his character, etc. Almost an instant recognition (which sounds implausible and corny, but true).

    w/r/t detachment = I've been learning the same lesson with my INT. Intellectually/philosophically intriguing but emotionally challenging (but perhaps worth it, if you care about the person enough).
    I'm the same WRT seeing the potential in people. But at the end of the day it's just potential. I used to bond very quickly too. I feel like I can sympathize with what you are going through... *hugs*

    I would gently say that something I realized was that I couldn't compel someone into a relationship even when I knew it would be amazing. I think it's deeply unfair to overlay another person with one's own expectations. I just tried to cultivate actually caring about him as a person and he figured that out about me because I was genuine and acted accordingly. It made him trust me. That + a little luck won him over in the end.

  3. #63
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    OT: Could people PLEASE post their MBTI result.




    about








    <----------------here

    I and most likely other tards need it to learn.
    Fast.

    agentfurrina :
    Now you need to stop seeing others for a while and let him know it. But he can`t expect you to wait for two stinking years either.

    No balls no glory

  4. #64
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MatsNorway View Post
    OT: Could people PLEASE post their MBTI result.




    about








    <----------------here

    I and most likely other tards need it to learn.
    Fast.
    Thanks for making me snort milk through my nose. Oh my. How unladylike of me.

    No balls no glory
    Amen, brother.
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

    "Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." - Greg King
    The worst mistake people make in political arguments is assuming that the other side is not trying to do the right thing. This simple oversight makes productive conversation nearly impossible.

  5. #65
    Member Eye-In-TiPi's Avatar
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    I read this thread and it all sounds a little familiar to me. I'm actually married to an ENFP. Fortunately for us, I was a heavy drinker when we met so I didn't have much trouble telling her my feelings. They were all out there on the surface. I would recommend that you try alcohol to strip away a few of the layers of stubborn pride blocking his emotions and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. I think that you dating other people has been a serious stumbling block for him. You did say that he just came out of a hurtful relationship, didn't you? If he really is looking to get back into a serious relationship, he's gonna be looking for reasons to do this, or not, with you. Dating others is gonna probably be a deal-breaker for him, so hit this one head on, and early on, in your heart-to-heart. The alcohol really is necessary for this to be fruitful. I am always surprised by how much emotion I have inside of me whenever I drink. Something about tequila that makes it OK to let down my guard and be honest. I hope this helps. Good luck!

  6. #66
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eye-In-TiPi View Post
    I read this thread and it all sounds a little familiar to me. I'm actually married to an ENFP. Fortunately for us, I was a heavy drinker when we met so I didn't have much trouble telling her my feelings. They were all out there on the surface. I would recommend that you try alcohol to strip away a few of the layers of stubborn pride blocking his emotions and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. I think that you dating other people has been a serious stumbling block for him. You did say that he just came out of a hurtful relationship, didn't you? If he really is looking to get back into a serious relationship, he's gonna be looking for reasons to do this, or not, with you. Dating others is gonna probably be a deal-breaker for him, so hit this one head on, and early on, in your heart-to-heart. The alcohol really is necessary for this to be fruitful. I am always surprised by how much emotion I have inside of me whenever I drink. Something about tequila that makes it OK to let down my guard and be honest. I hope this helps. Good luck!
    ok, i had to reply to this. my INT is uncharacteristically emotive when tipsy. i mean, really. on our 3rd date after a few glasses of wine, he told me with trembling lips that he would be sad if i decided not to date him because of his need to recover from a previous relationship. a few weeks later (after a few drinks) he said, "I want to love you." and occasionally sends me the most endearing (though taciturn) text messages when he's comprehensively lathered, aka hammered. sends me kisses, tells me he's thinking of me, etc.

    sober? he's affectionate when i'm right in front of him, but utterly silent when i'm not. i mean: total, unforgiving-abyss-type silence. which is bewildering. he's like two different people!

    now a new twist to The Conversation: "i don't want to date other people anymore. i want a relationship with you. oh, and here's a triple shot of Don Celso!"

    i love this forum...
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

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  7. #67
    Member Eye-In-TiPi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    ok, i had to reply to this. my INT is uncharacteristically emotive when tipsy. i mean, really. on our 3rd date after a few glasses of wine, he told me with trembling lips that he would be sad if i decided not to date him because of his need to recover from a previous relationship. a few weeks later (after a few drinks) he said, "I want to love you." and occasionally sends me the most endearing (though taciturn) text messages when he's comprehensively lathered, aka hammered. sends me kisses, tells me he's thinking of me, etc.

    sober? he's affectionate when i'm right in front of him, but utterly silent when i'm not. i mean: total, unforgiving-abyss-type silence. which is bewildering. he's like two different people!

    now a new twist to The Conversation: "i don't want to date other people anymore. i want a relationship with you. oh, and here's a triple shot of Don Celso!"

    i love this forum...
    That sounds like me. I sort of turn into an ENFP when I'm drinking. I'm warm, outgoing and some have even called me "charming."

    I'd suggest that you change the order of things to Don Celso first. Wait 20 minutes and then start with relationship talk.

  8. #68
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eye-In-TiPi View Post
    That sounds like me. I sort of turn into an ENFP when I'm drinking. I'm warm, outgoing and some have even called me "charming."

    I'd suggest that you change the order of things to Don Celso first. Wait 20 minutes and then start with relationship talk.
    Unfortunately, alcohol brings out my emotions and I'm trying to avoid being too treacly in this conversation. But thank you for the advice. Since spiking his beverage or somesuch is out of the question, it looks like I'm going to have to do this sober. I kind of look forward to it.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  9. #69
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    Or to completely end it with him and tell him to "call me if/when you are ready for a relationship." I don't really know how to do either.
    well this could be done by saying "call me when you are ready for relationship". explaining that this thing what going on isnt really working, but you want to date him. making him really understand that its not about him as a person that you dont want to see him, but only about the fact that he seems to be unable to get into a relationship at the moment, so that he wont feel like you are rejecting him and making up excuses. tell him that you really want him to call you when he is ready. tell him why you like him etc and tell him also why this situation is bothering you.
    if you do this, i think it might be a good idea to put a little pressure on him, by letting him know that you are still continuing to see other people(and maybe explain that its because it might take him forever), so that (if he is an INTP) he wont procrastinate forever with this.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  10. #70
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    Don`t give him a ultimatum. If he thinks like me he don`t do gambling very often. He will go the safe route and that is to drop out. Because at least then he knows what the future brings. He will only gamble if that's the only way to stay in the game.

    If you got some pictures that are even slightly naughty on facebook and so on, those will be a cause of doubt for him.
    They are for me with that ESFP.

    But im guessing you don`t need to worry about that as you are likely older than me and more mature and secure and blabla.

    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    Thanks for making me snort milk through my nose. Oh my. How unladylike of me.
    ouuu, sexy, sexy. :P

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