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  1. #41
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    To Lily: I think that's a strong accusation. We don't know enough. I think weighing the decision to be in a relationship should be a somewhat slow process. I have a bias I know, but even still it's not something you just run into especially if you're thinking long term. We just need to wait until she confronts him with her definitive view on this relationship. If he reacts poorly you are correct if not he may have busted needed that extra reassurance to complete his thinking process.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    if i lived my life based on careful reflection, i would look very much like a deranged bushwoman.

    holding an ipad.



    I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing with you.

  3. #43
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I think this guy has a major commitment problem and he feels guilty because he knows that in the end he is going to bail. I would be really careful with this one.
    There might be some thruth in this. But it might be that he also feels that youre the type to leave him first. He might be worried that you get borred after some time.
    Tell him to stop planing/think ahead. You can`t really plan this things.

  4. #44
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MatsNorway View Post
    There might be some thruth in this. But it might be that he also feels that youre the type to leave him first. He might be worried that you get borred after some time.
    Tell him to stop planing/think ahead. You can`t really plan this things.
    i think he's aware of the ENFP tendency to get bored easily. in fact, i think that's the first thing i told him about myself. however, i've *told* him that i'm a devoted and loyal person...but i think he wants proof of that before committing, rather than simply taking my word for it (duh!).

    one of the essential differences is that i'm impulsive and go with my feelings. he is circumspect and proceeds cautiously. i can't relate but certainly respect his process.

    an important point to make is that i'm dating other people. he knows that, and it seems to take the pressure off. what it doesn't do is make me feel wanted, and he's aware of that, but is unable/unwilling to change that for now. hence the dating of others.

    :/
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


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  5. #45
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MatsNorway View Post
    There might be some thruth in this. But it might be that he also feels that youre the type to leave him first. He might be worried that you get borred after some time.
    Tell him to stop planing/think ahead. You can`t really plan this things.
    i think he's aware of the ENFP tendency to get bored easily. in fact, i think that's the first thing i told him about myself. however, i've *told* him that i'm a devoted and loyal person...but i think he wants proof of that before committing, rather than simply taking my word for it (duh!).

    one of the essential differences is that i'm impulsive and go with my feelings. he is circumspect and proceeds cautiously. i can't relate but do my best to respect his process. the missing piece is sitting him down and explaining to him what my needs are. in fact, i think i'll start a thread on that topic as i'd like to hear how others approach that.

    an important point to make is that i'm dating other people. he knows that, and it seems to take the pressure off. what it doesn't do is make me feel wanted, and he's aware of that, but is unable/unwilling to change that for now. hence the dating of others.

    :/
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  6. #46
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    i think he's aware of the ENFP tendency to get bored easily. in fact, i think that's the first thing i told him about myself. however, i've *told* him that i'm a devoted and loyal person...but i think he wants proof of that before committing, rather than simply taking my word for it (duh!).

    one of the essential differences is that i'm impulsive and go with my feelings. he is circumspect and proceeds cautiously. i can't relate but certainly respect his process.

    an important point to make is that i'm dating other people. he knows that, and it seems to take the pressure off. what it doesn't do is make me feel wanted, and he's aware of that, but is unable/unwilling to change that for now. hence the dating of others.

    :/
    You two are playing games with each other and it won't stop until the two of you start communicating as adults. And even then, I'd steer clear of the proof thing. No one can prove anything to someone who isn't willing to believe.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    You two are playing games with each other and it won't stop until the two of you start communicating as adults. And even then, I'd steer clear of the proof thing. No one can prove anything to someone who isn't willing to believe.
    yes, to the extent that i've been tip-toeing and he's been unwilling to take action. it seems like a few things needs to happen next: 1) i need to tell him i'm ready for a committed relationship (knowing he's not); 2) seeing how he reacts.

    oh and: 3) preparing myself for solitude. an ENFP's Achilles tendon but nevertheless probably the big lesson i need to learn here.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  8. #48
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Well if you're dating other people simultaneously I don't see why you'd be alone for too long. Just point the rainbow vomit to another hapless victim and you're good to go



  9. #49
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    yes, to the extent that i've been tip-toeing and he's been unwilling to take action. it seems like a few things needs to happen next: 1) i need to tell him i'm ready for a committed relationship (knowing he's not); 2) seeing how he reacts.

    oh and: 3) preparing myself for solitude. an ENFP's Achilles tendon but nevertheless probably the big lesson i need to learn here.
    You're looking for him to stake his turf and are using dating multiple people as leverage. You'll find that many INTPs will do the opposite and retreat. NTs in general, hate to be controlled or manipulated.

    Not sure the two of you are ready for the final sit-down of a relationship due to all the game playing. Why not stop dating others, let him know this is the case and see how he reacts? This way, you don't pressure him for a relationship by taking an action and expecting him to come through with the reaction that you want. If he doesn't take any action in the next few weeks, then directly approach him. This way, you lay the groundwork so it's a bit more of a gradual process and might be viewed as less directive, hence less controlling. (INTPs, if you don't mind, pipe in if I'm completely off-track.)

  10. #50
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    an important point to make is that i'm dating other people. he knows that, and it seems to take the pressure off. what it doesn't do is make me feel wanted, and he's aware of that, but is unable/unwilling to change that for now. hence the dating of others.

    :/
    Did I miss this before? This isn't type related. I wouldn't want you either.

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