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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Craft View Post
    As for OP, I'm thinking it probably wouldn't work out. But I know nots bout relationships.
    I think this may be a problem with a lot of INTx...they know nots about relationships, may even understand next to nothing about other humans, and just behave affronted if you aren't as rational as they are with very little concept of putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

    I guess maybe ISTx could be that way, I mean lacking in "people smarts" especially at a young age, but since they're more in touch with the "here and now" they adapt better, or maybe just don't over-analyze things to the point of pushing people away like some INTx can do.

    But you guys are okay with that...I think INTx are okay with being alone. And I think INTJs are the most rigid, and probably the stereotypical reason that ENFPs will end up with INTJs is ironically because they're needy and expressive enough to be a bit pushy on a rigid person. It seems like with some it almost takes that.

  2. #12
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    lies, intps are the most straight-forward people, enfps are mentally built to confuse. but luckily intps are built to understand things that seem confusing

    if i would be in that situation i think the best way would be to give me room, more that i asked for. this would make me realize how retard i was and come running after you. but im an intp, and it would most likely be different with an intj.

    how do you know that he is an intj?
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  3. #13
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    marmalade.sunrise: thank you. i agree with what you've said. it's actually astonished me how this guy always comes around whenever i give him a wide berth (as i said, i let him initiate the vast majority of contact). being a single ENFP, i date a lot, and most other men would have lost interest had i never initiated contact along the way. my INFP, however, always comes around after a period of silence. not as frequently as i'd like, but he eventually reaches out and either asks me out, or tries to engage me by emailing me thought-provoking questions on my inner nature, psyche, etc. at first, i was confused by his questions (doesn't he want to *see* me, instead of *inquire about* me?!) but i've decided that his questions originate from a sincere desire to know me.

    i've also come to the conclusion that his toe-tipping into relationship waters is an indication of how much (gulp) he may like me. hard to fathom as it's counter-intuitive for an ENFP, but if i very, very carefully parse his statements on his feelings for me + his actions, a picture emerges of a very sweet, loving, cautious romantic who wants to make the right choice for himself and who--shockingly--also wants to be responsible towards me and my feelings by not over-committing.

    i joked with him recently about not minding his "glacier-like" pace of getting to know me. we both smiled about it, which was a relief as that is the closest i've been willing to let him know i'd like to see more of him. i've never been around a personality that requires such delicate handling...tell me you love me once a day, hug me in the morning (or more ), and i'm happy as a lark. but this type seems to internalize everything and gets scared away by the slightest hint of control, domination or manipulation. and so i let him be dominant, but he's emotionally sensitive to boot! :/
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

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  4. #14
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    @ INTP: I have no idea. Her man could be INTP. I was just babbling about INTx.

    Agent Furrina: they're so delicate and require so much compromise that it doesn't surprise me that many of them seem to be on-line complaining about never having had a gf, or not being able to keep one, or just expressing how super picky they are and no one is going to live up to their expectations.

    Again, I think this is why the stereotype of every NT needs an NF exists...I don't think another T (unless they were very in touch with their feelings) would be patient enough to compromise around what appears to almost be arrogance in terms of being available to a relationship, and an SF would get bored and find someone more accessible.

    Anyway, good luck. It sounds like he does like you of course, and you've gotten this far, so you've actually made great progress with him!

  5. #15
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    dont listen to marm, she is really an ISFJ
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    dont listen to marm, she is really an ISFJ
    INTP has never spoken to me privately in PM or off the forum or even in vent, and he doesn't speak English very well, so any assessment he has of my type I see as null and invalid.

    FTR, no other person - not even one - has ever suggested ISFJ for me.

    *beats the bad INTP with a newspaper*

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    INTP has never spoken to me privately in PM or off the forum or even in vent, and he doesn't speak English very well, so any assessment he has of my type I see as null and invalid.

    FTR, no other person - not even one - has ever suggested ISFJ for me.

    *beats the bad INTP with a newspaper*
    clear Si there, only concentrating on what has happened and what hasn't
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  8. #18
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    on the subject of directness:

    i agree with marmalade.sunrise that ENFPs know exactly what they want. perhaps it's the mature (or honest) ENFPs who do this best, but i do not maintain gray areas in my relationships with people. when i love you, you know it...you are showered with hugs, kisses and double rainbows you rarely have to ask me how i feel, as i'm happy to express that via both verbal and non-verbal means 24/7.

    INTP: it's true that i have found my INTx to be very honest/precise/factual. he not only seems incontrovertibly programmed to be truthful, he seems to sincerely value honest communication and make it a conscious choice. however, when it comes to articulating emotions, i've found him extremely hard to pin down. referring back to my original post, he argued that most relationships have a certain degree of gray area prior to establishing a commitment. not gray area on a casual-->committed gradient, but gray area from a like-->in love gradient. which is to say (i asked him to clarify), he is never sure how he feels about someone while casually dating, up until the moment he decides to commit. somehow at that moment he magically arrives at the conclusion that he feels strongly enough to commit, and decides to. i'm being facetious about the magic involved: i suspect it's the product of a herculean amount of weighty analysis.

    the question remains: how is an ENFP supposed to ride this kind of gray wave? i've learned to retreat into my mind. let him be himself and trust that he probably misses me somewhere. it hurts like hell when he withdraws, but i recently told him (when he expressed regret over not being able to be more of a constant in my life) that i have decided that his inability to spend more time with me has less to do with me, than it has to do with him and things he's struggling with. his reply? "Exactly." i totally trusted my instinct on that one, and was amazed at how quickly he was to agree with that statement.

    can any of you INTx's relate to his reply?
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  9. #19
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    I empathize with your situation and hope it all works out. That being said, personally wouldn´t tell my SO I loved him on a daily basis nor expect him to do the same.

    Gestures of affection are extremely meaningful to me and I am very careful about how I use them, overspending would mean inflation (=loss of meaning). When I kiss it means a lot, when I say "I love you", you bet your granny´s farm it´s serious!

    I have been in zombie like love before once or twice, but in most amorous projects it rapidly turned out to not really work out. So I learned to be extra careful, tip-toe and slowly approach men, the moment something goes wrong I´ll withdraw (or try to, I´m still too lenient and trustful). So I understand his hesitation, especially directly after a serious relationships. I have observed a certain tendency towards interim flings after longer relationships. So if you meet somebody you really, really like directly after an important breakup, it would be normal to be careful and look extra closely if this is the next serious partner or just an interim thing. I want to be absolutely honest to myself and the other person. Just my two cents as a female INT. His perpective might vary significantly.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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  10. #20
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    oh and for the mildly curious, peanut galleryists, etc.: i have been accused by my friends of being overly-accommodating to this man. of jumping when he asks to spend time with me. of being generally too-available for him. of "not having my needs met."

    in a sense, they are absolutely right. why would i do this for an inscrutable, shy, rather wafer-thin geek? a: his mind + his gentle, tender-hearted nature. this man instinctively understands me, can converse with me on the most esoteric of subjects, knows how to help me unravel my [sometimes] [mildly] convoluted suppositions about life and actually seems to enjoy discussing it all with me along the way. he understands. he may not be able to relate, but he understands. and on some level, though i don't understand or relate to him, i *accept* him. i accept that i can't change him and that i'm putting a hell of a lot of trust into the hands of someone who isn't sure if he wants to commit to me, purely out of regard for his intellectual and behavioral integrity. and i'm a catch! i don't suffer from low self-esteem or lack of options...but have searched high and low for a man like him. someone this self-aware, intellectually brilliant, and tender-hearted surely deserves all the patience and benefit-of-the-doubtness i can muster.

    see? i'm in love.


    /this is what torment looks like./
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

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