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  1. #181
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    also available as a movie:

    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  2. #182
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Pretty much that was the clincher for me.

    At best, he did it innocently and will continue to do hurtful things such as this out of ignorance in any continuing relationship; at worst, he did it on purpose, making it doubly sure you should move on and find someone who respects you as a human being.

    It sounds to me that you're confusing yourself because you just really liked him and didn't want to cut things off necessarily. We all can feel that way sometimes, but in the end, it sounds like you are only going to be hurt and taken advantage of in this particular relationship.
    I just don't have patience, personally, with cheaters, male whores, and people who preach PUA. Guys who sleep with their ex on my birthday and text young girls on our weekend away are pretty much relegated to "idiot child" in my mind. It's a total turn-off to me, I mean to say people like that disgust me.

    Everyone can put up with a certain kind of bullshit, I guess, but I simply will not tolerate that kind of shit. I think encouraging a man like that is just asking for it. You're nothing more than a prop to his ego.

    I dunno, it's just my personal thing - I've put up with other things I shouldn't have put up with, but it was from someone who was totally faithful to and committed to me.

  3. #183
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    This sounds bad on every level. He's got the best of all worlds and is not required to make any kind of commitment to any of them. Your attention is flattering, so he's keeping you on the string to keep his options open. People will only value you as much as you value yourself. They learn to treat you from the respect that you show for yourself and the "price" you set yourself at. (I don't mean that in a sexual sense!).

    You are also allowing him to quickly spend your margin of emotional resources, which leaves you without enough to even care for your own needs and will make you more dependent on him. He is afraid of being alone with himself and until he actually gets to the point where he enjoys his own company, he will always be restless and looking to something external to fill that void. No one can do that, and so when he discovers that one person is not the answer, he moves to another, hoping that something or someone will do the trick.

    You deserve to be with someone who is able to be physically, mentally and emotionally present in the relationship. That means that his own needs need to be addressed by himself first so that he's got something in addition left to give to you. Someone who is that insecure is going to act in selfish and destructive ways, despite themselves. It's tempting when you understand why the person has those insecurities to keep hanging on because you see their potential and you don't blame them for being in the state they are in. However, it doesn't negate the absolute destructiveness and devastating effect of those behaviours, whether wielded intentionally or not.

    This is not as easy as just deciding not to spend time with him. Emotions will always trump reason and logic. Emotions grow through proximity. Proximity becomes like some kind of drug that you seek out, even after you can see that the other person isn't good for you or isn't available enough to be in a relationship. You will need to have enough other people and activities in your life to reduce the amount of importance he has taken on. You also need to cut off contact for a long while until the emotions involved die down as well and become more manageable. Otherwise you will end up pursuing behaviours that you are angry at yourself for, but just can't prevent yourself from doing, and you will accept increasingly disrespectful and inconsiderate behaviour gratefully even if you understand intellectually what is wrong with it. This ends up tying you into an endless cycle of staying to prove to yourself and others that he really does care, and leaves you in the position of not possessing equal power in the relationship and therefore being a beggar instead of a chooser.

  4. #184
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    I just don't have patience, personally, with cheaters, male whores, and people who preach PUA. Guys who sleep with their ex on my birthday and text young girls on our weekend away are pretty much relegated to "idiot child" in my mind. It's a total turn-off to me, I mean to say people like that disgust me.

    Everyone can put up with a certain kind of bullshit, I guess, but I simply will not tolerate that kind of shit. I think encouraging a man like that is just asking for it. You're nothing more than a prop to his ego.
    Yup. In all of my grayness, I have reached the point of drawing some lines simply because life experience has shown me how some things play out time after time after time. This is one of those lines. A guy who behaves that way is not ready or able to maintain a committed relationship... at least, sadly, with me.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #185
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    *next time it WILL be different, I just know it*
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

  6. #186
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    He sounds like a total fucking loser.

    Seriously, no offense, but get some self-respect. He texted some really young girl while he was away on his weekend with you?

    Dude, I would have left. I would have been like, "um, bye."
    as a point of clarification, it wasn't intended as a romantic weekend with any forward-looking purpose. it was a "kiss our dating life goodbye as we enter into the next stage of our non-dating relationship, whatever that may be."

    the question is, why would i have put myself through that to begin with. why would he? a romantic cabin in the woods. then wine tasting at several wineries after we checked out. i guess we're both unrealistic. unable to have the whole picture with anyone else so we're cobbling together a Frankenrelationship with various people.

    i'll be honest. and likely exasperate you all. i got a text from a man just as we arrived at the cabin. i briefly replied, agreeing to see him again. the difference is minor, but important: i wasn't initiating contact with him or engaging in some dialogue over the weekend. just replying, realizing that cabin boy isn't going to be the one i'd be dating after the weekend.

    perhaps me and the INTx are more alike than i'd like to admit. who knows. i think he plays the game better than i do, in any case. i just don't have the patience for it.

    so for now, good people, i am pulling away. entirely, if i can swing it. he thinks we're just taking a month away from each other, but i'm thinkin no. i need more time and i want something entirely different. so i'm withdrawing from his life. i like the idea and it absolutely has to do with self respect. also, it's entirely unfair to the men who do ask me out and seem to be ready, to be chumming the waters with my bleeding heart over this guy.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

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  7. #187
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    *next time it WILL be different, I just know it*
    you suck so hard. you deserve to be beaten over the head with Mother Jones or whatever it is you read.

    and, thanks.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  8. #188
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    i'll be honest. and likely exasperate you all. i got a text from a man just as we arrived at the cabin. i briefly replied, agreeing to see him again. the difference is minor, but important: i wasn't initiating contact with him or engaging in some dialogue over the weekend. just replying, realizing that cabin boy isn't going to be the one i'd be dating after the weekend.
    I found this confession exasperating!

    I did warn you not to have expectations that you hadn't agreed on beforehand; from what I remember you talking to me about over the phone and Skype you actually got the weekend you wanted - a friendly weekend; between friends.

    But you are still hitting the conundrum that if you don't want to be with the guy and you haven't been in a relationship then is it right to hold out all of these 'in a relationship I would say, in a relationship I would feel' shenanigans which don't match the true context? Because you just aren't going to find an NTJ being bound to and delivering upon or even occasionally understanding your expectations if you don't voice exactly what you want.

    /end exasperation

    Anyway....

  9. #189
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I'm going to second Jim in that you need to be clear to him what the terms are. Once those are clear, I'd say letting things cool and focusing elsewhere sounds smart
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  10. #190
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    Just fuck it!
    Loads of guys for Agent to meet and date..

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