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  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by perfectgirl View Post
    ISTx are not boring. Only the unhealthy ones.
    They just don't suit me, I mean, I can casually date them or have a fling, but I feel...distant from them. Like something is missing. And that bores me, no matter what their good qualities may be.

    A lot of what I read through in this thread from the INTP's, describes an unhealthy person and has nothing to do with a healthy INTP or INTJ. My Dad is a classic example of a healthy INTP. It's like night and day. The reality is, this man is unhealthy and the sooner the OP comes to terms with that, the better off she will be. Reread all of her posts, if you have any doubts. The OP is setting herself up for disappointment. She will not have to go through this crap with a healthy man. I know.
    Yeah I've observed that some INTx are more open or friendly or well-adjusted than others...in fact I made a thread about this a few days ago, about Ts and Openness and using being a T (especially an NT) as an excuse to cover up other issues.

    Gawd, I'm always shocked to realize how warped and selfish people's thinking is. So you're INTx, so what?? You're not a bunch of friggin babies! We don't need someone to hold our hands and walk us through life. Sometimes we need a dose of cold cruel reality, like a threat that you're gonna leave us for someone else if we don't commit. That's not a game, that's not mean, it's reality baby! People have a right to get frustrated and move on with their lives. Who the hell do we think we are?
    I empathize.

  2. #122
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    Oh and Happy Birthday Agent Furrina!!!

  3. #123
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Oh and Happy Birthday Agent Furrina!!!
    Thanks!!! Hope you all have a lovely and safe evening.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  4. #124
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    Happy new year and birthday.

    If he states the same about bonds i think you will find sucsess. and please do give him alot of info about what you think of doing together with him. I had a hard time the first 4-6 hours this new years eve because of lack of info.

  5. #125
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    In my experience, INTJs say this shit...like they want more attention, a more assertive female...but when that actually happens they distance you. I honestly think they tend to want someone unavailable in some aspect.

    I have no idea how INTJs and ENFPs even end up together since the one's I've known seem to be so freaked out by feelings.

  6. #126
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MatsNorway View Post
    Happy new year and birthday.

    If he states the same about bonds i think you will find sucsess. and please do give him alot of info about what you think of doing together with him. I had a hard time the first 4-6 hours this new years eve because of lack of info.
    Thanks I had an amazing time.

    Can you clarify what you mean about more info? Do you mean, be explicit with him about how I feel?
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  7. #127
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    Just basic info about ho is going to be there if its a party and how many roughly.
    I was not excepting drinking at all as the impression i got was that were were to hang out with our friends at their place. And they have a kid. She did not mention drinking either so i had nothing with me. I was thinking about it, mainly to cool down the nerves a bit.

  8. #128
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Default checking in...

    hi, everyone,

    just wanted to check back in. nothing has really changed, apart from some heavy deliberation on my part (i.e., trying to exorcize my feelings for him with no success). i had learned that he'd slept with his ex recently...he had told me he wasn't exclusive so didn't lie to me, but it still hurt as it happened on my birthday*. shitty, just shitty. so last week i told him i needed time to think and decide how i wanted to proceed: a) walk away; b) be friends--he says he wants me in his life one way or another; c) date for the 2 months he said he needs to decide whether he can commit to being with me in a long-term, exclusive relationship ultimately leading to marriage (= our individual relationship goals).

    i spent several days away from him in order to make sure i really wanted this. tried detaching, evaluated what being friends would be like, let myself feel anger towards him, tried sorting out my feelings over his demonstrated lack of exclusivity and absolutely CRAPPY sense of priorities. as it turned out, i can't walk away from my feelings for him, so decided to date and see what happens. what helped is that he sensed me pulling away, and kept contacting me...saying hello, asking about my silence, updating me on his dating situation. since the worst case scenario is a break up in 2 months, i spent about a week considering whether i want that. i guess i'd rather be pleasantly surprised later than miserable now...so we're dating with no guarantees.

    so nothing really new. i hope that, by being myself and being patient enough to lay a healthy foundation, he will know whether he can be with me. certainly, i've demonstrated patience and loyalty. he recently told me he is 80% available for a relationship. that was much higher than i expected, but at that time he also repeated that he's not sure if he wants a LTR with me. he is always precise, not very romantic but at least i know where i stand.

    i will keep you posted. i have to admit i think he's being very strategic about this, which drives me crazy. he wants to rescue friendship at the least, whereas that doesn't seem like an option to me. it will hurt too much if he decides he can't be with me in 2 months. i just don't believe men and women can be friends after being romantically involved...i even tried convincing him that sleeping with his ex (who still wants to be with him) hurts her, but he said she claims she's ok with it.

    having a very hard time not concluding somewhere under the surface, he is a selfish person who is ok hurting others for his own gain. he's admitted he jumped in too soon in the past and doesn't want to repeat that mistake. i hate this nagging feeling that i'm a lamb being led to the slaughter...but he'd have to be a cold-blooded bastard to intentionally hurt me. i've repeatedly asked him to cut me loose if he *knows* that we can't be together, and he says that's not the case...that he isn't sure but is trying to decide. since when is love a decision?




    *apparently, he would have been with me on my bday had i asked him before she did...and would have tried meeting up with me at the end of the evening had i asked him. why should i have had to be so explicit? aren't these things understood?! and what kind of person prioritizes "ending things on a good note" with his ex, as he puts it, over protecting the potential of a new relationship? i will never, never understand the logic behind this. how can someone who puts so much energy into being ethical and protecting those he cares about, be ok with a system where one confirmed woman and possibly a second (who is in denial about the affects of sleeping with her ex) get hurt, in order to satisfy his needs? INTJs *care* about integrity and honesty, or so i thought...i feel like i've bumped into a major blindspot of his. and it isn't attractive.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  9. #129
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Drop him like he's hot.

    The sooner you get out the less time you will have wasted and the less hurt you'll feel.

    He is not over his ex, either.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  10. #130
    Senior Member Greta's Avatar
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    Girl, you need to lose this loser.

    You're way too invested and he's using this fact to play you like a fiddle.

    And once fiddle has been played in a relationship, it's all downhill from there.

    Close this chapter if you know what's good for you.

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