User Tag List

First 21011121314 Last

Results 111 to 120 of 209

  1. #111
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Consolidated:

    Her: I'm ready for a committed relationship.
    Him: I'm not but I might be in the future.

    Two choices:
    1. Walk.
    2. Wait it out in hopes of more.

    Your choice. This is Te speaking.

    Fi would be saying "walk!" with no hesitation. It sees a carrot dangling from a stick that's held a foot away from the nose.
    This is what it boils down to. I think his intentions are good, and I think it's smart of him to give himself some time to get over the ex and get in the right frame of mind to devote his attentions fully to you. I'd wait it out if you care about him. But if waiting frustrates you too much, break it off now. Those really are your only options. I really don't think 3 months is unreasonable. Don't listen to your friends and family, and don't start playing games with yourself about how much he cares about you, i.e., "If he really liked me, he would WANT to date me now and wouldn't want to lose me before 3 months" etc. This is his way of caring. You have to decide whether that's okay with you or not. (He'll have to do some adjusting to your style, too, though.)

    Happy birthday!
    Something Witty

  2. #112
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,460

    Default

    at the same time tho, how is "wait three months" not expectations? something so defined, it's difficult to see why that's not a test. does this work? does it seem like a good idea? i start to feel weird at this point, but i'm also more invested in feeling than thinking. can these boundaries be created or maintained in a way that actually works for both parties? in the space of a breakup, can you make promises at all, or does the time off only work when it truly has no expectations and is instead focused on getting the self back on track independently of anyone else. it really is so much about figuring out how to create a support structure for yourself and re-direct both your goals and activities and the sphere of your relationships to be able to manage and maintain your emotional world without by far the biggest (and now missing) part of it, right?

    i guess for me, i want to make a distinction between desire, between what you want, and emotions. maybe this is incorrect? i feel like Fi is not just about transitory desires but also personal truths that are remembered forever. as an sx type, i tend to rank what i want and focus so much on what i want most of all. in a breakup situation, you want someone else to just solve everything. i understand how withstanding that and finding equilibrium is important, but can you do that if you've made such a defined request and you're keeping that image at bay?

    in agentfurrina's situation, you have to decide if you're willing to commit to waiting for someone even before you've begun a relationship? or have you already established enough to feel confident that this is true for both parties? after 3 months, does the balance and equality of Fi and Te equalize in this relationship, or does Te always do the directing?

  3. #113
    A window to the soul
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Fi would be saying "walk!" with no hesitation. It sees a carrot dangling from a stick that's held a foot away from the nose.
    Logic and intuition should tell her to walk. She's in a bad Fi-loop and that's what's keeping her alluded to reality.

    Again the facts: she just met this man online and started dating him; she's not in an exclusive relationship with him; he told her he "needs time to heal" from a previous relationship; there are many other healthy men out there to choose from.

    To the OP: He's not interested. I've had similar dialogue with men when they're clinging and I'm ready to move on. I'm not trying to be mean by telling you this, I'm trying to spare you the over-analysis and help you see the facts (as clearly stated in his responses to you). Do what's best for you, move on. Don't tell this man your every move like you are in a mutually exclusive relationship with him. The fact is, you are not. INTP's and INTJ's are very smart. This is not his first relationship. He's well aware of what to do to make you happy.

    As for his intentions. I assume a lot of things, but under the circumstances, I would not assume he has good intentions because I don't personally know this man, nor do I have all of the facts. I have enough dating experience to know what's healthy and what's not. The fact is, his words are not lining up with his actions... Why did he post his profile on a dating website, yet he is putting you off for 3-months? ...and still continues to ask you out? Are you having sex? If yes, then there ya go.

    I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I hate to see people go from one bad relationship to another. I'll tell you what I've told so many others on this site... you deserve to be loved the way you love, don't settle for less. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

  4. #114
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    3,823

    Default

    I agree with perfectgirl, except I don't think he has bad intentions. To phrase it differently, I think he's making lame character choices and rationalizing these choices because his intentions are good. Who cares about intentions when people are experiencing the repercussions of your actions? There are real repercussions and he's pretending they don't exist because he keeps redirecting the focus to his good intentions.

    I have good intentions to not hit anyone while driving under the influence of alcohol, even though I know my behaviour has an unnecessarily high probability of ending very badly.



    In the abstract, a mature adult should be able to say this:
    I will choose to commit and take the good and the bad, or I will choose independence and take the good and the bad with that.

    You cannot have both and behave maturely. He's being a baby. He's rationalizing his fence straddling. He's also setting a relationship precedence for you if you did end up getting more serious--namely, INTx "man" has the powah to fence sit and make you deal. This is not loving or respectful, even if he doesn't mean it to be this way.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  5. #115
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,025

    Default

    I like his style. He's being honest. But I'd punt him. Rebounds rarely work out.

  6. #116
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    p.s. happy NYE everyone! Coincidentally, it's my birthday!!!
    Happy Things! (Incidentally, my sis is ENFP and also born NYE! You remind me a bit of her. )

    I don't agree with the naysayers. I like that conversation. It seemed honest and heartfelt. If you're anything like me, connections are few and far between and worth waiting for. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and his 3 mths. Discipline yourself to wait for him to make the next move. See other people in the meantime if you feel like it. Have fun.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  7. #117
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    3,262

    Default

    i don't see anything wrong with his asking for more time. particularly since he seems to take commitment so seriously.

    it's only been 2.5 months. choosing to get to know someone for 3 additional months before committing seems reasonable and mature. i say drop it and just enjoy him while getting to know him better. 3 months will fly by.

    and, for all you know, OP, he'll decide even sooner.
    ✻ღϠ₡ღ✻
    (¯`✻´¯)
    `*.¸.*'ღϠ₡ღஇڿڰۣ
    •.¸¸. Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒჱܓ. இڿڰۣ.¸¸.இڿڰۣ´¯`·.─♥


    Cerebral Artery
    http://www.facebook.com/CerebralArtery

  8. #118
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,570

    Default

    i agree wtih Salomé and digesthissickness. can't be helped. my choice is to walk (and miss him) or demonstrate my natural loyalty and stay (and have hopefully a great time along the way).

    we're talking about a potential lifetime partner. worth waiting a few months for? yes.

    plus, we're OLD, people.

    now, off to put on a NYE costume and have a great time tonight! i don't know if my last update kills the thread, but i promise to keep everyone posted here along the way.


    p.s. forgot to mention that we have beautiful intellectual and physical chemistry.
    p.s. 2 i realized i've spent ~ 12 years with INTJs (every one of my previous bfs was INTJ with the exception of an ENFP and holy sh*t was that annoying ).


    wee!
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  9. #119
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,025

    Default

    It's your choice to do whatever makes sense to you. Bear in mind how far you've already invested in the couple of months you've been dating him. Slow down or you're in for some serious hurting if this doesn't work out.

    This is an unpaid announcement from Te/Ni.

  10. #120
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    3,262

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    i agree wtih Salomé and digesthissickness. can't be helped. my choice is to walk (and miss him) or demonstrate my natural loyalty and stay (and have hopefully a great time along the way).

    we're talking about a potential lifetime partner. worth waiting a few months for? yes.

    plus, we're OLD, people.
    good. it's only 3 months. i'd rather give it that short a time and have a chance at happiness than give up now and always wonder what could have been.
    ✻ღϠ₡ღ✻
    (¯`✻´¯)
    `*.¸.*'ღϠ₡ღஇڿڰۣ
    •.¸¸. Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒჱܓ. இڿڰۣ.¸¸.இڿڰۣ´¯`·.─♥


    Cerebral Artery
    http://www.facebook.com/CerebralArtery

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] What It's Like To Have an ENFP Sibling, By Domino, Esquire
    By Domino in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 01-20-2012, 10:08 PM
  2. [ENFJ] INTP Confused By Enigmatic ENFJ
    By quidtimeam in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 01-19-2011, 11:49 AM
  3. [MBTItm] ESTJ confused by ESFP friend
    By EJCC in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 05-05-2010, 01:32 AM
  4. [INFP] INFP and ENFP CONFUSION!!
    By Nonsensical in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 09-25-2009, 09:58 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO