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  1. #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by MatsNorway View Post
    hes a INTJ i think.

    And you can forget my last post.

    You just seemed a bit hard.

    Here's the soft, sugar coated version:
    http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f31/shobdey/donut.jpg

  2. #102
    He who laughs
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    Quote Originally Posted by perfectgirl View Post
    ISTx are not boring. Only the unhealthy ones.

    A lot of what I read through in this thread from the INTP's, describes an unhealthy person and has nothing to do with a healthy INTP or INTJ. My Dad is a classic example of a healthy INTP. It's like night and day. The reality is, this man is unhealthy and the sooner the OP comes to terms with that, the better off she will be. Reread all of her posts, if you have any doubts. The OP is setting herself up for disappointment. She will not have to go through this crap with a healthy man. I know.

    Gawd, I'm always shocked to realize how warped and selfish people's thinking is. So you're INTx, so what?? You're not a bunch of friggin babies! We don't need someone to hold our hands and walk us through life. Sometimes we need a dose of cold cruel reality, like a threat that you're gonna leave us for someone else if we don't commit. That's not a game, that's not mean, it's reality baby! People have a right to get frustrated and move on with their lives. Who the hell do we think we are?
    to bolded, agreed. Id have much more respect for a woman that owns up and sets her boundaries. Its not her that loses out if I choose not to commit. But this is a little different if you read the thread. It seems she was playing games with him to make him commit. There's a big difference in that compared to talk it out and then give him "an ultimatum". Personally Id like if a woman would give me a deadline to figure out my feelings. Like a few days. It can be done in a way so I wouldnt run away screaming "commitment, do not compute!"

  3. #103
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    i've stumbled a few times lately in using this word, but your presupposition is just annoying.

    5s still want completeness. they want more information. it's an impulse, an absolute limit, a desire for more. just because e5s do not see certainty as an obtainable object or a state to reach doesn't mean that it doesn't characterize an impulse. its absence is something that one must come to terms with and continually maintain a position of acceptance towards. whether it is a more complete model or a better story, the desire for better information quality is always there. e5s are driven by a search for knowledge and by an attack on the conditions of even the possibility for knowledge. but that never mediates their desire for knowledge, for information quality, for expertise and mastery.
    Completeness doesn't guarantee certainty, merely consistency. I have a powerful drive for understanding and closure, but the minute I start to be certain of anything, at one level removed, I consider myself almost certainly deluded.

    But to be certain that there are no certainties is arrogantly paradoxical, to be sure.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  4. #104
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    some people are better than others at actually understanding what the issues are for other people.
    Completely agree with this.

    that changes both the motivations and the methods when considering what you can accomplish in the relationship and why you might want to do so. there are also many aspects of romantically fulfilling that you might not recognize but are nonetheless quite there.
    The OP came to TypeC with concerns. Her concerns haven't been addressed. Instead she avoided the concerns and fluffed up her avoidance to make it sound fulfilling.

    Instead of whitewashing, how about addressing the real issues? She's in a relationship with someone who's not going at the pace she feels comfortable with since he's not displaying the commitment level she's hoping for. So, she tried to manipulate the pace by playing games and is her own worst enemy with what she was trying to accomplish.

    Rather than playing games and fluffing up the bull, why not get rid of all the extraneous fluff and go straight at it.

    Define what she honestly wants and needs in any relationship. Define what she wants and needs from this guy. Do the two match? If so, go to the next step of handling the relationship in a mature, direct and honest manner of two reasonable adults being responsible for themselves. Honesty towards the other will let each decide if they're really suited to each other.

    Right now, all I'm seeing is more sideways fluff for fear of losing him. A very bad position to put oneself into since you've subordinated yourself.

  5. #105
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    demanding the world to be seen almost solely through a Ti or a Te lens might not exactly be the mature, healthy version of a person you all seem to think it is. just kind of rigid and oversimplifying the world and definitely not actually having any sense of what's true for others. enjoy your relationships under those conditions. it seems very meagre and, to use a word uttered above, pathetic. although, perhaps with non-T-is-everything F types, the response to that which is pathetic might be different, might inspire compassion rather than solely contempt.

  6. #106
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    i guess i'm the only one thinking it's as simple as his not being over his ex.
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  7. #107
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    This isn't solely Te. It's Te combined with Ni, Se and Fi. Consider it inner harmony that permeates to external focused actions.

  8. #108
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    This thread is so wonderful it makes me smile...

    Ok, so I have the update we've all been waiting for.

    I spoke to my INTJ last night. I was calm, rational, and left emotions out of it. Here's what transpired:

    me: There's something I want to tell you.
    him: Yes?
    me: I'm ready to stop seeing other people. I've known that for a long time but was following the advice of my friends and trying to keep the pressure off you, by dating other people. It's not fair to me or to the others involved and I'm tired of wasting my time when what I really want is to focus on spending time with you.
    him: What about the 3 months I mentioned needing to heal from my previous relationship? I can't really do both at the same time (date you and heal, although I'm obviously trying to).
    me: I have no idea. That's not why I'm bringing it up, although I'm pretty sure a workable solution exists to whatever concerns you have. I'm just trying to tell you about a decision I've made.
    him: How did you come to this decision?
    me: I felt like I was deceiving myself and manipulating others, at least until they sat their butts in a chair and I got to explain to them that I had feelings for someone else.
    him: You did that?
    me: Yes. I'd bring it up at the very beginning because it seemed like the right thing to do.
    him: Now I feel pressure.
    me:How you feel is up to you. I'm just communicating some information. My intent is not to manipulate you into doing anything. I don't want you to jump into a relationship with me if you don't want to; I want to be wanted, like everyone else. I'm a pretty awesome person and believe that the right person will recognize that.
    him (avoidance + Te): But, regardless of what your intentions are in telling me this, I now feel pressure.
    me: Because you think a new expectation has been placed on you.
    him: Of course.
    me(borrowing from Salomé*): You don't want any relationship expectations right now. You've said that. But the expectation to not have expectations placed on you, is an expectation.
    him: *smiles* Clever.
    me: I think you need to consider me for a minute. I'm not taking myself out of the dating pool because I expect you to follow a desired course of action. It's the right thing to do, for me. And I honestly don't know how you think either of us can maintain a state of zero expectations for 3 months while you heal. While we continue to spend time together, care about each other, begin to trust each other.
    him: Of course I see your point. The other option that exists, which we've discussed, is my telling you that I'll call you in 3 months while I heal, and see if you're interested in and available for a relationship then. It's from a purely selfish standpoint that I want you in my life right now even though I'm unable to give you a committed relationship now. I realize that, as well as the risk involved in letting you go for 3 months. In that time frame, I know that I may lose an opportunity to have a relationship with you. And I'm dating you now, when I probably shouldn't, because I actually do see the potential for you as a serious, long-term girlfriend.
    me:So help me understand the 3 months.
    him: I know what it's like to jump into a serious relationship quickly. And watch it devolve into mutual unhappiness. And I don't want to do that again. Please consider that it is because I do care about you that I'm trying to take things very slowly. I want to keep getting to know you and build a foundation that will last.
    me:That sounds like a relationship.
    him: Yes, but one that gives me the freedom to enter into a deeper one with a higher probability of success.
    me: Define deeper.
    him: The end-state that we've discussed that we both want: lifetime companionship, marriage. I'm not using or manipulating you. I'm trying to protect the potential we have. Believe it or not, you're already on the "accelerated track". I want you in my life badly enough to date you even though I know I should probably spend this time alone.
    me: I like what you're saying, but it's been difficult trusting my intuition and observations of you alone, in the face of friends and now family arguing that you're a jerk who doesn't respect my time, that you don't care about my needs being met, etc.
    him: I'm sure they've said all that and more. If you need something of me that I'm not giving you, tell me what that is and I'll do my best to give it to you.
    me: I'd like some advance notice when you want to see me, for example.
    him: Define advance notice.
    me: At least a few days. 2 minimum. I like spontaneity and want that, too, but I don't want to take your crumbs.
    him: Fine. I can give you advance notice. Just so you know, I don't plan much of anything in advance. Even with my closest friends, my schedule fluctuates every week. But I can give you advance notice, sure.
    him: About your friends: I know what it's like to give in to pressure to jump into a serious relationship prematurely. I like to think that I'm getting a bit wiser with age, though, and that I have learned from previous mistakes. You're here because I care about you, because I see tremendous potential between us and want to protect that potential. Not because I don't value you or want to use you.
    me: Thank you for saying that. I'm going to have to think about all this. *snores*

    So that's it. May the dissection/mudslinging commence!


    * thank you
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  9. #109
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    p.s. happy NYE everyone! Coincidentally, it's my birthday!!!
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  10. #110
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Consolidated:

    Her: I'm ready for a committed relationship.
    Him: I'm not but I might be in the future.

    Two choices:
    1. Walk.
    2. Wait it out in hopes of more.

    Your choice. This is Te speaking.

    Fi would be saying "walk!" with no hesitation. It sees a carrot dangling from a stick that's held a foot away from the nose.
    Last edited by bechimo; 12-31-2010 at 01:38 PM. Reason: Fi explanation.

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