[MBTI General] INTJ going for a coffe with a ESFP girl tomorrow. tips?

[Rex]

You live in SFP-Land, Komið til NTJ land!

Hehe. I think its the other way around.
Remember: We got the money, you got the loans. Just like me and K.

 

[Zarathustra]

This thread has gotten obnoxious.

*unsubscribe*

 

[Rex]

oh my.. thanks for the previous input then.

Tomorrow im planing to do a harsh/rough confrontation with K. But im not sure about the order of importance on the questions.


Edit:here goes:I wanna help her... shit, thats hard to say....

 

[Spamtar]

Why be rough when u can be silky smooth?

PS. Your courting her not taking on the burden of becoming her life coach, Dad or psychologist. This is a common mistake that often leads to bad results.

 

[Thalassa]

oh my.. thanks for the previous input then.

Tomorrow im planing to do a harsh/rough confrontation with K. But im not sure about the order of importance on the questions.


Edit:here goes:I wanna help her... shit, thats hard to say....

Don't be harsh. Be...level. Just factual. Orderly. That's easy for you INTJs right? If she really likes you she's going to be more impressed by you being a factual, rational, detatched INTJ (if she doesn't she might find it cold, obnoxious, or off-putting). But if you're actually harsh, that's a bit unnecessary, don't you think? Especially this early on?

Be yourself though. No reason to mimic an ENTP or ENFJ or something, because if she gets into a relationship with you and realizes you're IxTJ instead, she's gonna be disappoint.

You wanna be with someone who likes YOU right? That's why I suggest the rational, detatched approach, so she knows exactly who she's dealing with.

I know an ISTJ who swears his relationship with his ESFJ gf went wrong because he pretended to be all effusive in the beginning, then when he started being himself (showing love by performing acts of service or giving gifts, and saving mushy stuff for special moments), he said she didn't think he loved her and their relationship died.

Just a tip.

 

[Moonlit Serenity]

Dude, SFPs are the devil's mousetraps (in the context of dating).

They're cute, lovable, innocent, attractive, and they will SUCK YOU IN.

Its like nothing I've ever seen.

They will lure you in with their soft-spoken voice and their lovable cute personality. If you are dating an ISFP/ESFP for the first time - you are a small fish nibbling on really tasty bait. When you get hooked, then you realize you got played.

NT + SPF = CONFUSION

You are confused, my man. She probably seems like she's really into you - but you don't know what is really going on! You're NT side wants to jump to conclusions - Where does the relationship stand? How far can this go? What will happen in the future?

And her SF side screams - I don't know!

SFPs are shoppers, not buyers.

You go into the market knowing exactly what you are looking for, she goes in to find what's on the shelves.

I have plenty of experience with SFPs and SFJs. Don't go down that road

And I have nothing bad to say about them in general, it's just that I've mistaken their extreme "niceness" towards me for genuine interest.

There is no genuine interest, for the long term.

Confusion, confusion, confusion.

Trust me - its bait, not the real thing.

Er du fra Norge? Partiet er neste dør i Reykjavik!!!!!!!!!!!!
Besta konur á jörðinni, ofan í heiminum á Íslandi! Hahahahah

Haha this is true to some extent. With ISFP's it's almost nearly impossible to tell if there is genuine interest. You have to be very perceptive in order to tell.

 

[MoneyTick]

Haha this is true to some extent. With ISFP's it's almost nearly impossible to tell if there is genuine interest. You have to be very perceptive in order to tell.

Yes, nearly impossible is the way to describe it.

That's how I got sucked into SF land! These girls are so sweet and kind, they seem like innocent angels that are looking for someone to love. They come up to you and start giving you all of these complements, taking every opportunity they can to touch you, and referring to you as "sweety" and "hun.

Then they get caught up into a mega-web of emotions that impairs their ability to think rationally.

Don't buy into their angel's eyes, I've been down that road before.

Here, I even took a picture of it:

Mr. INTJ from Norway,

Unless you want her as a fuckbuddy, make a sharp U-Turn and go for someone your own type before you crash into a wall.

K only knows what she feels, you need someone that knows how to keep it real.

 

[Dizalddin]

Unless you want her as a fuckbuddy, make a sharp U-Turn and go for someone your own type before you crash into a wall.

That reminds me. Is detachment from sex mostly a guy thing or are there certain types that tend toward it. Me and my gf actually have an open relationship and things are great (although i don't know her type). Hmm.

 

[Thalassa]

I can be detatched from sex if I don't like you.

But I could never be in an open relationship with a guy I actually liked, and definitely not one I loved.

 

[Dizalddin]

Well we were together for a long time. Then broke up. Got back together after a few years. There just seems to be a certain understanding between us. Like no matter what we would still be together. Which is a big thing for me as an INTP. Typically i am paranoid and over analyzing our relationship.

 

[Thalassa]

That makes sense. I mean I've wondered about people who are polyamorous, and it seems like something that would easier to handle after ten or fifteen years of being with a person. Hypothetically speaking, because I wouldn't know, nor do I really care to.

But yeah...if I actually like a guy, like who he is, want to actually be with him, there's no way I can deal with the thought of sharing him with another woman. Quel horreur.

 

[Dizalddin]

Thats where my analytical popped in. Why don't i like seeing her with someone else? She has been with people before me, after me and might be again. The difference now? I could lose her. But i have done that. And stole her back. I trust no one more, other than myself. *shrug*

Edit: We also have rules. Don't care who you are out with, as long as you come home to 'me'. I don't want to meet him or know him. She wants me to introduce her to the girls i meet. Yeah, shes bi.

 

[Thalassa]

I do wonder if certain types are more capable of it, though. Like me being an ENFP that seems to be kind of predicatable that I would be able to have sex with certain people and not get at all emotionally attached.

But boy when I truly like somebody, that's a whole different story.

There is an ISTJ female I know on here who is polyamorous, and it's with someone she loves, apparently.

However, what were you really asking - if women can have unemotional sex at all, or if they can share a man they actually like or love?

 

[Dizalddin]

Actually my question was if it is Type based. Or just personal. I would think people that would be open to it are people that don't feel like they have to follow social norms. Id also assume logic is a bigger part. And of course open mindedness.

 

[MoneyTick]

That reminds me. Is detachment from sex mostly a guy thing or are there certain types that tend toward it. Me and my gf actually have an open relationship and things are great (although i don't know her type). Hmm.

I honestly don't understand open relationships since they directly contravene human nature.

A love relationship is constituted of a psychological "agreement" between mates to only act or do certain things exclusively between themselves.

If you have sex with other women, and your girlfriend is perfectly okay with that - I don't think she falls under the definition of "your girlfriend"

Unless of course, the world has turned up side down.

In which case, I would have to find a way to capitalize off the crazy things teenagers are doing these days.

The best ETF for this is VICEX. Look it up on Google finance.

VICEX is a standard ETF that focuses its investments on companies dealing in alcohol, weapons, gambling and tobacco.

In July, the ETF was trading at around 13.75. As optimism picked up and the unemployment rate found relief, the college frat kids and pot heads were able to afford their destructive vice led lifestyle. And as I knew, VICEX soared 17.09 near the middle of October.

Now realize that this is just a standard ETF which is a great lagging indicator for sectors that meet the criteria for the companies under it.

As the world's dignity goes down the tubes, I always look forward to my next vacation paid for exclusively by people's stupidity. And of course, my evening scotch after a long day's work!

 

[Thalassa]

I honestly don't understand open relationships since they directly contravene human nature.

A love relationship is constituted of a psychological "agreement" between mates to only act or do certain things exclusively between themselves.

If you have sex with other women, and your girlfriend is perfectly okay with that - I don't think she falls under the definition of "your girlfriend"

Unless of course, the world has turned up side down.

Yep, that's how I feel.

But apparently not everyone is that way. It puzzles me.

 

[Thalassa]

Thats where my analytical popped in. Why don't i like seeing her with someone else? She has been with people before me, after me and might be again. The difference now? I could lose her. But i have done that. And stole her back. I trust no one more, other than myself. *shrug*

Edit: We also have rules. Don't care who you are out with, as long as you come home to 'me'. I don't want to meet him or know him. She wants me to introduce her to the girls i meet. Yeah, shes bi.

So apparently there's still human jealousy. You don't to deal with the reality of her other men, and she wants to keep tabs on who your girls are.

 

[Rex]

Actually i have chanced my mind since yesterday.

Thats why i waited to today by doing it.

Just going to ask her one some simple questions. And take it from there.

I think the gap is too big between us for a relationship. Some of the pictures she shares is simply tasteless.

Friends? yea sure but whe wont hang out at the same parties... She ends up as a person in the friends list on facebook. Perhaps talking to me about issues.

bedpartner.

its a bit risky, not sure if i would not get emo about things.

How do i chance my nick? is it possible?

Thanks for the input people. But the thread is basically dead now.
minor update some time later, and no nothing spesial has happened.

 

[Poki]

Thats where my analytical popped in. Why don't i like seeing her with someone else? She has been with people before me, after me and might be again. The difference now? I could lose her. But i have done that. And stole her back. I trust no one more, other than myself. *shrug*

Edit: We also have rules. Don't care who you are out with, as long as you come home to 'me'. I don't want to meet him or know him. She wants me to introduce her to the girls i meet. Yeah, shes bi.

In my opinion there isnt anything wrong with open relationships, but those dont sound like the right rules. What the other person wants, says, etc. always comes first, which means at times it may NOT be open. Other times it may. IMHO forcing or making an open relationship a rule is the quickest way to end it.

Oh, and because of this you can only really ever have an open relationship in regards to "commiting" with one person if that makes sense. I dont really know how to "define" the other relationships outside of your "significant other".

 

[Rex]

We were friends. Now we are "friends"

My fault ofc but her friend managed to say that i should try harder. what a stupid thing to say. i am a INTJ with AD/HD, tell me to push harder and i will destroy everything in my path like a derailed fright train. Intensional or not.

By trying harder i go all "ditch the small talk" lets talk about things that matters. And im not even that bad at small talk.. i think.

I need to just..chill it.

It might heal but right now i need to get my focus on other things.