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[MBTI General] INTJ going for a coffe with a ESFP girl tomorrow. tips?

Synarch

Once Was
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Oct 14, 2008
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*sigh* That is a sad story, but not uncommon. Self-harm is a secret shame in our modern world that has lost its poetry for suffering. Now we can only engage the simple poetry of our bodies.
 

Rex

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yea its sad sad sad.

I completely forgot to mention Runners high++

Its also likely to do with some hormones out of balance.

Both girls are natural blondes btw.
 

Spamtar

Ghost Monkey Soul
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Now we know that if anyone cuts them self they do do it for a high. they are a junkie. And that person needs either excitement, laughter, pain, consumption of spicy food, coffee, chocolade, love or orgasm.

Good I am at least glad you didn't misinterpret youth cutting for attempted suicide which is a common misconception. Along with sex she probably enjoys spectacle and drama...try feeding her some and see how it works.
 

Rex

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I was not judging her in anyway i was open for info and then i got this hunch/impression that it was actually more of a stimuli thing.
 

Red Herring

Superwoman
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Both girls are natural blondes btw.

You live in Norway, for f*ck's sake!

So was she in a depressive state back then? What about today? Would you still consider her a sensation seeker (easily bored, needs strong stimulation to feel alive,etc.)?
 

Rex

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:thumbdown: this thread is filled with masculine fail

Define masculine fail and your definition of masculine please and ill look into it. Im not trying to be masculine if thats what you mean.

I really ain`t. If it was not for the strange look people would give me, i would wear a womens perfume . It smells so much better.
I don`t get that part where men has a strong smell, shower and put a different strong smell back on.

The ESFP (from now on named K) things im weird because i fire up tea lights with smell when im alone. I have told her that its because the previous guy who lived here was a pot smoker and that he smoked inside. My brother picks on me as hard as he can for that.


You live in Norway, for f*ck's sake!

Just stating facts. I was hoping someone would pick it up and start japing about differences in the total amount of hair on the head to blonds vs brunettes. Link that to hormones or something and blabla. Kids are more often blond at young age...
I wonder why.

So was she in a depressive state back then? What about today? Would you still consider her a sensation seeker (easily bored, needs strong stimulation to feel alive,etc.)?

Fairly sure she has a depression or something. Her friend says she very tired (nice way of saying she depressed i guess). And that she needs some entertainment, some life, some action. I think she has cooled down a bit, i also hope that she has.

we have not talked much about it.

I did not meet her today after all. I should have done it perhaps but i had only 3-4 hours of sleep last night. And that affects me badly.

And she did not eat anything before about 18.00.
She said she did not feel any hunger before that.
I was also a bit scared that she might argue with the ex about their kid and new years eve. Hes a bit of a idiot that wants to dump the kid at the mothers house and just go party. the kid might be scared and need her parents you know.

She did argue with him before the 2nd time me meet. took about 2 hours to lighten her up. Im not sure i would have had the patience and confidence and success with only 3-4 hours of sleep.
 

Rex

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Meet her yesterday. Going to celebrate new years eve with friends and her. Im not in doubt about her intensions at least.

And how shes able to look that good without eating correctly and exercise is beond me..
 

ZPowers

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Wasn't there a Seinfeld episode that utilized the following coda for George?:

Whatever you would normally do, do the opposite.
 

slowriot

He who laughs
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Define masculine fail and your definition of masculine please and ill look into it. Im not trying to be masculine if thats what you mean.

I really ain`t. If it was not for the strange look people would give me, i would wear a womens perfume . It smells so much better.
I don`t get that part where men has a strong smell, shower and put a different strong smell back on.

The ESFP (from now on named K) things im weird because i fire up tea lights with smell when im alone. I have told her that its because the previous guy who lived here was a pot smoker and that he smoked inside. My brother picks on me as hard as he can for that.

It was not necessarily pointed at you. You get extra points for using K in these posts.
 

Rex

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Doing whats right is hard. She has no spesial feelings to me now and mines are most likely going to cool down more and more as she don`t show me any feelings and gives no verbal compliments. The question is then.. will whe then only have random sex. If so. is it possible that she might evolve feelings, be unable to communicate them and then get hurt because im not on the same page and are beginning to move out and to start to look for that bond.

Im thinking i might need to confront her with that issue ++ others.
But then i might hurt her if she has feelings but don`t say it. Not that i believe that tho.. After all i did not se her that much that new years eve. she left for a party for a 3-4hours and i did not see her before later, and when i did.

me:
"hi K"
with confident voice and a smile.
K:
turns head.
"Hi Mats"
goes about her bizniz¨

Everyone commented it.

Later i confronted her with it and K simply said: i can do that sometimes. I guess thats ok, i can be that myself when im in my own world.

And then there is the fysical aspect. she has no problem showing herself in only the lower underwear. And if i wanted sex that night that would have happened. Her friend was sleeping on the couch. 4meters away in the next room.

There is a lack of consistency in the behaviour.
It usually means something.
 

Thalassa

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From what I've observed ESFPs have no problem communicating their feelings, they are similar to ENFPs that way. If anything, ExFPs are overly expressive and can come across as needy when they aren't being totally self-absorbed and flighty. Yeah, I know, it's confusing. I'm not sure if she's playing hard to get or if she actually doesn't have any feelings for you. I can't say because I don't know her.

Maybe you should try to make a move?
 

Rex

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what move?

I have kissed her, given her massage, i have touched most of her body. She likes all that, i like all that.
She probably has a communication issue. I have told her she looks good, is nice to me and blablabla. have she said anything in return?

niet!

she does it possibly fysically.
 

Thalassa

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ESFPs don't have communication issues. If you're sure she's an ESFP, then you're just deluding yourself by saying that. My mother is an ESFP and I'm most probably an ENFP, AND one of my sisters is an ExFP.

I'd agree if she were an ISFJ or an INFx, or a T type, but not an ExFP.
 

Rex

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ESFPs don't have communication issues. If you're sure she's an ESFP, then you're just deluding yourself by saying that. My mother is an ESFP and I'm most probably an ENFP, AND one of my sisters is an ExFP.

I'd agree if she were an ISFJ or an INFx, or a T type, but not an ExFP.

hmm looked at the ISFP and most of it fits.
hmmm.

She doesn`t look at my face/eyes much. I would think thats more of a ES thing. not that im good at this MBTI stuff.

Is ISFPs naturally more iNtinutive than ESFPs? kinda.. you know. or is it just that both of us is introverts so we get the same pictures when we speak or something.
 

Zarathustra

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She doesn`t look at my face/eyes much. I would think thats more of a ES thing.

And that would not be a smart thought...

Is ISFPs naturally more iNtinutive than ESFPs?

All else being equal: they should be.

Ni is their tertiary function, whereas it's the inferior for the ESFP.

kinda.. you know. or is it just that both of us is introverts so we get the same pictures when we speak or something.

Could be both...
 

MoneyTick

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hmm looked at the ISFP and most of it fits.
hmmm.

She doesn`t look at my face/eyes much. I would think thats more of a ES thing. not that im good at this MBTI stuff.

Is ISFPs naturally more iNtinutive than ESFPs? kinda.. you know. or is it just that both of us is introverts so we get the same pictures when we speak or something.

Dude, SFPs are the devil's mousetraps (in the context of dating).

They're cute, lovable, innocent, attractive, and they will SUCK YOU IN.

Its like nothing I've ever seen.

They will lure you in with their soft-spoken voice and their lovable cute personality. If you are dating an ISFP/ESFP for the first time - you are a small fish nibbling on really tasty bait. When you get hooked, then you realize you got played.

NT + SPF = CONFUSION

You are confused, my man. She probably seems like she's really into you - but you don't know what is really going on! You're NT side wants to jump to conclusions - Where does the relationship stand? How far can this go? What will happen in the future?

And her SF side screams - I don't know!

SFPs are shoppers, not buyers.

You go into the market knowing exactly what you are looking for, she goes in to find what's on the shelves.

I have plenty of experience with SFPs and SFJs. Don't go down that road

And I have nothing bad to say about them in general, it's just that I've mistaken their extreme "niceness" towards me for genuine interest.

There is no genuine interest, for the long term.

Confusion, confusion, confusion.

Trust me - its bait, not the real thing.

Er du fra Norge? Partiet er neste dør i Reykjavik!!!!!!!!!!!!
Besta konur á jörðinni, ofan í heiminum á Íslandi! Hahahahah
 

Rex

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I have been reading some more and ISFP does not seem to match better than ESFP.
I have no good references anyway so... nevermind my previous input on the matter.

But thanks for the info. it will be relevant once i meet a ISFP. then i will be able to see the differences.
 

Rex

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Dude, SFPs are the devil's mousetraps (in the context of dating).

They're cute, lovable, innocent, attractive, and they will SUCK YOU IN.

Its like nothing I've ever seen.

They will lure you in with their soft-spoken voice and their lovable cute personality. If you are dating an ISFP/ESFP for the first time - you are a small fish nibbling on really tasty bait. When you get hooked, then you realize you got played.

I have slightly touched that once.

And it was actually the much the same way as now. No compliments.
She just laid there like a piece of meat. I was not impressed.

But "doing whats right, does not get you laid"


soo.... hmm..
 
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