[MBTI General] INTJ going for a coffe with a ESFP girl tomorrow. tips?

[Rex]

Overall it went well i think.

She had a bad day up to when i came. She had argued with the father of the kid.

So she was not very talkative. took some 2 hours before it started too losen up.

We viewed(better word pls) hangover and when it was done i was actually considering to leave as i was spekulating in her interesests.

She smacked in another movie called P.S i love you. but whe ended up talking mostly.

then the dvd player failed so whe talked. I was relaxed now and was trying to be funny.

It worked i think she laughted for a 30min straight or something. fairly loud too.

She thinks i word myself strangely.

ex: i said that the last one out of my grand parents was my mothers father( a common word in norwegian)

She found it funny that i did not use went away or passed away.

Me: "so you think it sounds more like they are playing hide and seek or something?"

that was supposedly funny too.

Glad i stayed or it would have been hard to recover that.

 

[Rex]

She dated a guy for a year. then stopped seeing him. that scares the crap out of me. that sooo long.

 

[Nicodemus]

The main foreign language taught in Norwegian elementary school is English. The majority of the population is fluent in English, especially those born after World War II.

Were you a truant?

 

[Rex]

No.
Im a dumbass.
see! urbandictionary confirms.
"Someone who looks up the word "dumbass" in a dictionary.
If you don't know what a dumbass is you're really a fucking dumbass."

And don`t trust wiki for facts on that type of matters.

Feel free to correct my grammar im all about improving stuff.

 

[Shimmy]

We viewed(better word pls) hangover and when it was done i was actually considering to leave as i was spekulating in her interesests.

I don't like to be too patronizing on people's language, but since you ask, the proper word is "watched".

Anyway, sound's like you had fun.

 

[Rex]

thanks, no problem.

 

[Rex]

Tip to all girls wanting to date a INTJ.

Do not watch the movie P.S i love you with him. At least if hes like me.

They will relate most to the figure named David. He got bad social antennas supposedly and want Holly (the main character). They end up kissing in the end but instead of a happy ending they are like:

"wtf that was like kissing my sister"
"yea that was weird"

They end up as friends.


Soooo im not going to pursuit this any further..

Going to tone it down now and see what she comes up with.

And ofc there was more to it than just the movie.

 

[Laurie]

Tip:

Don't assume you know her type unless she looked into it and told you it.

 

[Rex]

She is a ESFP if thats what you mean. She did the test.

Took me about one minute to guess ESFP when i talked to her. And viewed her profile on facebook.
She really is my opposite.

 

[Shimmy]

She is a ESFP if thats what you mean. She did the test.

Took me about one minute to guess ESFP when i talked to her. And viewed her profile on facebook.
She really is my opposite.

Based only on stereotypes, I must assume that both of you have a more than average patience.

 

[Rex]

Based only on stereotypes, I must assume that both of you have a more than average patience.

Hehe we better have patience you mean.
Sadly i don`t have a great deal of patience if i feel im stuck on a surten level. Its NO way possible im going to commit to date her for months.
that will consume me.

 

[Thalassa]

Hehe we better have patience you mean.
Sadly i don`t have a great deal of patience if i feel im stuck on a surten level. Its NO way possible im going to commit to date her for months.
that will consume me.

You're going to have to have the patience of a saint if you date an ESFP. They try my nerves, and I'm an F. I can't imagine how they'd come across to an INTJ.

 

[Rex]

Why they test your nerves?


I have a impression but i can`t really describe it propperly. Hoping you might be.

 

[Thalassa]

Why they test your nerves?


I have a impression but i can`t really describe it propperly.

I've just noticed that I find a fair number of them - both male and female - profoundly irritating. They have the effect on me that most people claim to have from ESFJs instead.

Maybe I've just known a lot of really irresponsible, LOUD, self-absorbed ESFPs...but then again some of those traits appear to be a part of the ESFP nature...I've read "ESFP mother" horror stories on this forum that seem all-too-familiar to my own ESFP mother in her youth (for whom I'm endlessly grateful didn't actually raise me, but gave me to my grandparents instead.)

I mean, don't get me wrong, some of them are really sweet and harmless. But still kind of selfish/scattered/irresponsible. And I think they may get better as they age. It would drive me batshit to date one. I'm pretty strongly bothered by people who bring chaos and noise.

It's hard for me to picture an INTJ even having much in common with an ESFP, unless you're just looking for fun and sex.

But good luck. Don't let my judgement sway you. Who knows? Your situation is your individual situation. Maybe it will work.

 

[Rex]

I mean, don't get me wrong, some of them are really sweet and harmless. But still kind of selfish/scattered/irresponsible. And I think they may get better as they age. It would drive me batshit to date one.

haha right before i meet her i was thinking i should date older or at least equal aged wimmen to avoid some issues.
For some reason they get me much better. Must be a confidence thing.

I'm pretty strongly bothered by people who bring chaos and noise.

I don`t mind. It spices up my life. But i don`t need that when im drunk. And shes a heavy drinker. Shes shy too so shes im guessing loud when shes drunk.

I was thinking she might have grown a little since she got a kid. She also has learned to be a bit Judgemental because she has been hurt by her ex, etc.

I don`t think she has properly recovered from the ex.

Don't let my judgement sway you.

I have done a fair bit of judgement myself. Trying not to as i think its the main reason im single. matched with impulsive thruth telling ofc. (issue sometimes)

 

[Rex]

But then i read stuff like this. I have done a few of these things..

Here are some more notes on INTJs in relationships and dating.

Some of the following information is borrowed from the INTJ forum, where nerds like me discuss the traits associated with the Myers-Briggs personality type Introverted-iNtuitive-Thinking-Judging (INTJ).

How does an INTJ show they care for or love someone?

Initially, INTJs act alternately friendly and distant, for no apparent reason. This is the stage where they recognize that you are appealing, but they are unable to step up to the plate.

If you display vulnerability, such as by telling stories about yourself that you would only share with someone you trust, and the INTJ responds in kind, they are hooked. Keep in mind that “In kind” for an INTJ means that they reveal one intimate thing about themselves for each 10 or so that you do.

INTJs will reveal some particularly geeky thing about themselves to you, to see your response. This is a test. To pass, you need to be totally casual about the information, and if possible, have your own silliness to toss out, or at least be able to say something to show that you are not going to run away from this weirdness.

INTJs will poke around tentatively trying to find out if you like them long before they will express any such feelings themselves.

They will create super-sized, super-capable, idealized images of you, leaving you at somewhat of a loss. The imaginary you is supposedly a very direct, very honest, very congruent, very dependable person.

They will spend countless hours explaining their highly ordered way of thinking and lines of logic to you, like, “I like you so much that I’ve actually granted you the temporary privilege to have a sneak-peak into the *real* world – MY world. P.S.: You can thank me later.”

They will flirt with all the people they do not care about, but will find it strangely impossible to flirt with you if they are attracted to you.

They will sit you down and put you through the long form Myers-Briggs test.

They will conduct research on the INTJ forum and/or other personality websites to learn how to best understand you.

http://ibibliophilia.wordpress.com/2010/04/24/more-intj-in-relationships/

Add lack of appetite around her on that one.


So the question is.. why should i not allow myself for once to have some fun even if its only for the short term.

I would get to learn a lot. My feelings might get hurt but that they do no matter what anyway. so im getting used to that.

I guess i hope for something to happen then. :/

And im not seeing it happen.

 

[Thalassa]

Dude, do whatever feels right to you. Be it far from me to tell an INTJ not to trust their feelings. Please, trust your feelings occasionally. Set a good example for your INTJ brothers.

Good luck, and yeah even if it turns out to just be fun, you're allowed to have fun.

 

[Rex]

Actually i think i use my feelings way to much as it is.

 

[Thalassa]

Oh? Are you a very young INTJ? I've noticed baby INTJs can be sweet.

It's around 25 or 30 that they become evil.

(I'm just joking. I like INTJs. I just think they might become more emotionally closed off as they age. Some of them.)

 

[Rex]

Im still a baby. I was thinking that when i was with this ESFP.

She has had it tought.
It was like...
She got pregnant at age 21. Had a rough boyfriend and she have to wash dead people at work.

I still playing with RC cars, and games. The most stressful in my life is to be frustrated over the lack of info on the stuff i make at work. When i work. I am at work now.

im 25.