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  1. #21
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    Is it common for ENTPs to have emotional walls? And for these emotional walls to come about rather suddenly?
    Hello. Welcome to my world with my ex.

    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    For example, a guy I've been seeing on and off four years, but for all of the last four months (who is an ENTP in every single way) was perfectly fine a couple of days ago. He was caring, loving, completely into me. But on Monday night, he pulled this "I don't feel anything towards you, not even as a friend. You are just a f..." amongst other horrible, cruel things. This was all very sudden and completely three sixty. Some of it could have to do with him leaving for the army in three months and he said that he does not want to be attached to someone. He was frightening in how unemotional he was from a couple of days before.
    (Disclaimer: I'm generalizing here - talking about my ENTP ex) But the funny thing is about an ENTP is that he is being emotional - "I don't feel anything towards you (followed by) You are just a f..." is not a sign of indifference. The ENTP puts up this facade "I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything", when, in fact, he does. The idea of feeling so intensely scares the hell out of him too - it's as if his brain has been hijacked. You are right to suggest that he may be upset/sad about leaving for the army and is lashing out at you. Not exactly mature behavior. But when a person lacks self awareness and an conscious awareness of their feelings, that's what often happens. He can't articulate in any other way (I think more often than not when unhealthy). This is what I experienced in relation to my ex.

    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    IWhen I asked him why he was doing this when I haven't done anything, he said, Yes I know you haven't. It's just how I feel. Now go. And with that I was forcibly removed from his house as he said, "I feel nothing. I am empty inside."
    Denial. He does feel something even if he can't articulate it. If you're out of sight, maybe you'll be out of thought (or more appropriately feeling). The emptiness is not being able to identify how he feels. Hence, the numbness and emptiness. My interpretation anyways.

    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    ITomorrow we are meeting on my request, because frankly I'm rather confused.
    I think you've interpreted the situation quite well. I bet, it's just not how you handle such situations.

    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    Is it common for an ENTP to just...emotionally lockdown like that? And for what purpose? I'm rather confused and frankly thinking that someone that able to emotionally switch on and off, should be locked up....
    ENTP shuts down and retreats when overwhelmed by emotions. The unhealthy ENTP (again, thinking of my ex) cannot identify emotions or express them, for the most part.

    Quote Originally Posted by guesswho View Post
    I don't think that's type related.
    No. Any type can be angry, irrationally, immaturely and act insensitively. However, I believe that ENTPs tend to utilize certain strategies and defense mechanisms when dealing with overwhelming emotions (if they are unhealthy - maybe if they are healthy). DENIAL of emotions is one defense. INTELLECTUALIZATION & RATIONALIZATION are others - going into their head and detaching from the situation emotionally - disappearing - not being present in the moment - dissociating. Being able to rationalize because they have detached emotionally from their actions - therefore they do not need to take responsibility or "feel" the impact their action has on others. Perhaps these are extreme examples of ENTP behavior, but I wager that you would be less likely to witness this with an NF. NFs have their own set of defenses but they don't experience their response to emotions in the same way. NFs don't tend to go in their head as much. They have less difficulty identifying their emotions or the source of their emotions.
    Last edited by Onceajoan; 11-18-2010 at 08:09 PM. Reason: Perfectionist behavior

  2. #22
    Senior Member guesswho's Avatar
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    Wow that's a very complex post.

  3. #23
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Have you ever been to Disney? Australia? That roadtrip on your to-do list? No? Have fun then, and send us some pics!

  4. #24
    sammy
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    Vie: He will always have an excuse for such meltdowns even if he promises he won't do it again again again.... You catch my drift?

    It's something I can relate to doing myself to a few guys in the past. One was done to a man who abused me, so I needed to cut ties with him in a very selfish way in order for ME to get to a healthier place. The second guy was delusional and didn't understand anything other than the dramatic/very clear lines being drawn or stated.

    Have you ever guilt tripped him to stay here and not be deployed with the Army?

  5. #25
    Oberon
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    You need some distance from this guy, and fast. Ditch him. He might turn out to be the one, but the only way to find out is to close the door on him. Immediately.

    This is an ENTP telling you this.

  6. #26
    Giggity Vie's Avatar
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    Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that?

  7. #27
    Oberon
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    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that?
    Yes. I've been in on a deal like this, and it took being apart from my SO for a month to help me to understand that she actually was important to me. We will have been married 21 years next May.

    Be advised, though, that there is a chance that this fellow won't come back around. If that happens, better that it happen quick and clean. Continuing to chase after him and draw things out with endless discussion will only prolong your pain.

    Either way, getting some distance between him and you is the best choice IMHO.

  8. #28
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about this. Probably isn't an easy thing to go through. As an NTP, my input here is that you really MUST respond to his wishes/demands. As much as it hurts and as confusing as it is, I think when an NTP (or NxP) says they need space (and especially if they say it in a forceful way), they are ultra serious. And any actions or contact that goes against the desire for space is not going to bode well. When an NTP gets to the point where they lash out like that, they are in a sense creating a big bubble of space around them. They are "backing people off" in order to create more space, to create more freedom. They *could* feel that they have lost or forfeited too much of their freedom and they've finally blown a gasket and are demanding it back - once and for all. The best thing you can do is to respect that space (even though his actions and words and the way he went about it don't really command much respect at all) - for better or for worse. To not respect the demand for space will surely ruin the relationship for good. It will put an extremely sour taste in his mouth - that when he demanded and needed space, you didn't give it to him.

    If you do grant his wish and give him space (literally, no contact whatsoever), then it accomplishes two things: (a) it allows you to truly begin the healing process and to become your strong self again, and (b) it shows him that you respected his wish for space. That's what he wants and so that's what you have to give him. That's what he needs right now in order to be happy - he needs it/wants it so badly, that he's being forceful about it. So you can't do the opposite of what he's asking for. You have to grant him what he wants or it will just get worse.

    As Oberon said, he may realize what a great thing he had and come knocking on your door someday. Or, quite possibly, he may not. Either way, you have to move forward with the approach that it's over and that you're going to heal from it and come back being your strong, dominating, ENTJ self again. :workout:
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  9. #29
    shadow boxer strawberries's Avatar
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    you've received good advice in this thread. i'm not going to preach to you now viea - i'll just drop one of these

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