User Tag List

First 123 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 29

  1. #11
    shadow boxer strawberries's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ----
    Posts
    950

    Default

    sure, people say stupid, regretful things sometimes, but normal caring people don't do what this guy did. she was involved with him for four years and he told her she was 'just a f...' among other cruel things and forcibly removed her from his house. inexcusable - and i would bet he has done some seriously wankerish things in the past if he is capable of that.

    marm's musings re energy are spot on - i see relationships as being like bank accounts in a sense. you both need to continually put in so each of you can withdraw a little from time to time. if one person withdraws too much too often - your balance is unhealthy. this guy's behaviour has left the account seriously overdrawn.

    look for someone who values you viea - not someone who throws you scraps when they feel like it. it's not your job to be his therapist as well as girlfriend.

  2. #12
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    2,390

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by strawberries View Post
    sure, people say stupid, regretful things sometimes, but normal caring people don't do what this guy did. she was involved with him for four years and he told her she was 'just a f...' among other cruel things and forcibly removed her from his house. inexcusable - and i would bet he has done some seriously wankerish things in the past if he is capable of that.
    I'm not going to make assumptions, only the OP knows why there has been a relationship for 4 years; it is for them to decide if it is appropriate for them and I can't decide that based upon a few very generalized assumptions over a few paragraphs of text - after all you don't hang around with anyone for 4 years if there hasn't been a very positive impact to both people.

    Love you though strawbs

  3. #13
    shadow boxer strawberries's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ----
    Posts
    950

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    I'm not going to make assumptions, only the OP knows why there has been a relationship for 4 years; it is for them to decide if it is appropriate for them and I can't decide that based upon a few very generalized assumptions over a few paragraphs of text - after all you don't hang around with anyone for 4 years if there hasn't been a very positive impact to both people.

    Love you though strawbs
    aw, thanks jim. i like to make assumptions - it's my hobby. i also read tea leaves and i have paypal. $$

    best of luck viea - we're just armchair experts musing on a forum. listen to your own intuition.

  4. #14
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    4,128

    Default

    Hi Vieamemusique, I have seen an ENTP do this. What I saw I would describe more as emotional meltdown followed by an emotional nuclear winter affect. It seemed to happen when cognitive dissonance reached crisis levels. Then they try to deploy the control rods of callousness so to speak (sticking with the nuclear reactor theme). This is simply my personal observation, it may or may not be type-specific. I absolutely recommend clearing the area and seeking a fallout shelter which consists of surrounding yourself with people who treasure you. It works by helping you feel appreciated and offers perspective on how to proceed. And stopping the input helps them gain control of the reactor and halt the meltdown. Of course whether you want to permanently live next to a nuclear reactor is a question only you can answer. The pros and cons are for you to weigh. Best of luck
    the formless thing which gives things form!
    Found Forum Haiku Project


    Positive Spin | your feedback welcomed | Darker Criticism

  5. #15
    resonance entropie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    entp
    Enneagram
    783
    Posts
    16,761

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Vasilisa View Post
    Hi Vieamemusique, I have seen an ENTP do this. What I saw I would describe more as emotional meltdown followed by an emotional nuclear winter affect. It seemed to happen when cognitive dissonance reached crisis levels. Then they try to deploy the control rods of callousness so to speak (sticking with the nuclear reactor theme). This is simply my personal observation, it may or may not be type-specific. I absolutely recommend clearing the area and seeking a fallout shelter which consists of surrounding yourself with people who treasure you. It works by helping you feel appreciated and offers perspective on how to proceed. And stopping the input helps them gain control of the reactor and halt the meltdown. Of course whether you want to permanently live next to a nuclear reactor is a question only you can answer. The pros and cons are for you to weigh. Best of luck
    This's good.

    Tho I dont understand why the general advice is to leave him because he's broken. I'd rather think of him as a challenge and try to perfect him, even without a romantic relation.
    I fear that with upcoming individualisation of people the demand for some kind of perfection of behaviour is increasing aswell. I hope I fear wrong.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #16
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    vie, I think you should cancel your plans to talk to him tonight. Back right off and this time, walk away for good.

  7. #17
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Yeah I don't know about walk away for good, it's not like he's violent. However, he isn't your problem to fix...I made this mistake a lot with my ex, I felt "responsible" for him because we'd been together for so long, and I thought if "I don't care about him, who will?"

    But frankly he's made tremendous progress when I just walked away from him and left him to his own devices. I wouldn't get back together with him at this point, but we're able to be friends because he's finally gotten into therapy and started facing his issues.

    Trying to fix him is co-dependent. I've been there, done that. It's one thing to love someone and let them know that you're here for them when they're ready, it's entirely another to demean yourself to someone who is blatantly disrespecting you and treating you badly.

    I certainly don't advocate demonizing him and I think he deserves to be forgiven because we all make mistakes and do things out of character when we're upset, kind of like Invisible Jim said, but bear in mind that allowing him to treat you with cruelty isn't really helping him, and it's obviously not helping you.

  8. #18
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    My suggestion is based on some of her previous descriptions of this guy and their relationship dynamics. Plenty of dramatic highs and lows. Power struggles, vulnerability issues, rejection, push and pull. It doesn't sound healthy.

  9. #19
    shadow boxer strawberries's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ----
    Posts
    950

    Default

    i say: life's too short, but i'm selfish and ruthless go find a fun, balanced fella to play with, as darling marm and metaphor allude to: co-dependency is not hot. trying to fix broken people can end up damaging you.

  10. #20
    Senior Member guesswho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    1,983

    Default

    I don't think that's type related.

Similar Threads

  1. New new ENTP on the block!
    By Blackmail! in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 12-25-2009, 11:03 AM
  2. [MBTItm] ENTP on ISFP (23m 52s)
    By fill in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 12-20-2009, 11:49 PM
  3. New ENTP on the block
    By edel weiss in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 04-01-2008, 04:05 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO