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  1. #1
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Default Want insights from ENTJ women about my relationship with one!

    Hi,

    I am dating (I think! Sometimes it's hard to tell if we are or not!) an ENTJ girl.

    She is a workaholic and travels a lot for work. I don't hear much from her for days on end. She works all day then collapses exhausted into bed. We'll exchange a couple of texts, that's all ...

    When she's away, it feels like I'm 'out of sight, out of mind'. However, when she gets back, she focuses on my 100%.

    I question if we actually are dating because she's not very affectionate -- but then she'll suddenly give me a kiss -- and then go back to being not very affectionate. Things are going very slowly on the sex front because we are both 'once bitten twice shy' and don't want to get too involved, too quickly.

    She's very independent -- to me, that's a plus point. Having only had clingy girlfriends in the past, I want someone who has her own life. But I am kind of feeling that this is going too far the other way!

    I am not clingy -- I know ENFPs have a reputation for being clingy -- but I'm pretty self-sufficient.

    I'd just like to know how other ENTJ women experience the early stages of a new relationship ... just hoping for some insights that will help me understand the minimal contact thing.

  2. #2
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Only the ENTJ's themselves will be able to offer their perspective obviously, but I'd guess that it's one of these things: When they're working and interacting with people, clients, and problems, they don't have time for "lovey dovey" stuff. They can only do one thing or the other. They can text you and get nothing done (thereby not being very effective ENTJ's in the workplace), or they can get to work and save their time for you for when they get back home from the business trip.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  3. #3
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    I'm confused. So many mixed messages in your post. Maybe you can help clarify by responding to the following questions.

    Have the two of you discussed being in an exclusive relationship or has this been an assumption?

    How long have the two of you been going out?

  4. #4
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    We haven't defined our relationship verbally. Actually, I never set much store by conversations that are about defining relationships because I judge situations by people's actions rather than words. In my experience, women I've been out with will say they want one thing, but act differently. I don't trust words about emotions because emotions change. Heck, I've been engaged to a woman who claimed to be thoroughly committed to me for life, only for her to break it off 6 weeks later!

    She has said she wants to go out with me and hasn't said anything about having changed her mind but I am finding her actions hard to interpret. In my past relationships, they've started out with a lot of intensity on both sides, with lots of texting/sexting, phone calls, sex etc. This is slow-burn, which I am simply not used to at all. It's probably more healthy this way. This is why I want to know what I should expect in the early stages of a relationship with an ENTJ.

  5. #5
    Giggity Vie's Avatar
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    It depends on how strongly I like the person, to be honest.
    But in the beginning of a relationship, I can come across as a bit cold and distant -- or come on WAY too strongly. It depends on where I see my future with that person going. There have been guys where I make time, no matter how busy I am, because I feel as though that is what is warranted given the situation and that they will not react poorly to it....well, that and I want to spend time/talk with that person. In most instances though, I'd have to say I'm a lot like your friend. I'm not very affectionate and when I am, it's quite random and simply because at that time I am in the mood to be so.

    I'm very independent, but I don't adopt that whole out of sight out of mind attitude ever. I make time for someone I like. :\ But that could just be me! Even when I'm focusing on work and school, I look at as almost a challenge to keep up with my social aspects as well.

  6. #6
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    I should add, when she's home, we spend a lot of very high quality time together. The thing that's hard to get used to is the lack of contact when she's away. I think INTPness is spot on -- she's focused on work, not lovey-dovey texting. I kind of know that, and I'm getting used to it, but I'd like to know if this is what other ENTJ women are like in the early stages ... and of course further on down the track.

  7. #7
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    It depends on how strongly I like the person, to be honest.
    But in the beginning of a relationship, I can come across as a bit cold and distant -- or come on WAY too strongly. It depends on where I see my future with that person going. There have been guys where I make time, no matter how busy I am, because I feel as though that is what is warranted given the situation and that they will not react poorly to it....well, that and I want to spend time/talk with that person. In most instances though, I'd have to say I'm a lot like your friend. I'm not very affectionate and when I am, it's quite random and simply because at that time I am in the mood to be so.

    I'm very independent, but I don't adopt that whole out of sight out of mind attitude ever. I make time for someone I like. :\ But that could just be me! Even when I'm focusing on work and school, I look at as almost a challenge to keep up with my social aspects as well.
    Interesting. I am being optimistic and judging the situation by how she is when she's with me -- which is great, and I love the surprise random acts of affection! She is definitely over-worked though and extremely busy and finds it hard enough to do the work she's taken on, so the minimal contact is well explained by that. I wish it were a bit different though!

  8. #8
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Plus, she's mega-stressed by her work.

  9. #9
    figsfiggyfigs
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    I don't know about other ENTJ females, but I'm exactly like the female you're dating. It's pretty normal, we sort of "assume" everything will be okay. We may appear distant, but we are not, we have our sentimental moments.

    She seems very busy with work, which is understandable, I completely understand her behavior; I do not find it odd, or out of place what so ever. Although if you have a problem, or are confused/concerned, maybe you should ask? : )

  10. #10
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    Ask her about it.

    She doesn't know what you are thinking, or how you feel. If you get it out there in the open, things should start changing for the better. Especially if you know what you want out of this relationship.

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