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  1. #11
    Rats off to ya! Mort Belfry's Avatar
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    Buried in every INTP is the seed of truth that you don't ever really need friends.
    Why do we always come here?

    I guess we'll never know.

    It's like a kind of torture,
    To have to watch this show.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Urchin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mort Belfry View Post
    Buried in every INTP is the seed of truth that you don't ever really need friends.
    I was so much happier once I accepted that.
    "Having is not such a pleasing thing as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true." --Spock

    MBTI: INTP
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  3. #13
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by intpgirl View Post
    I'm an INTP..

    And lately, I'm losing more trust in "friends".

    I've been lessening myself to making any or even keeping the ones I have close.


    Is this an INTP curse? I'm feeling like crap right now.

    I lost a friend that I trusted, and now I can't seem to get over that. I had been so into him for years. Then now he shot through my heart and now I'm completely shut down. He decided not to be my friend anymore because he made up some excuse for him not to trust me. My quirky spirit has now gone. The only guy who made me FEEL. Made me think LESS. He decided to unfriend me. Now I'm lost.


    Now I'm frightened a bit of entering or making new relationships. I also have a bit of social anxiety, and I tend to isolate myself from people when I feel that I'm too 'smothered'. I need my space... and when it happens, they try to 'help' which what I wasn't asking for, which forces me try to avoid them completely. Then I lose 1 more friend.


    So what do I do, how can I get friends or keep friends now that I'm more cynical and unstrusting of others.. This is not the way friendship is supposed to work..



    My view on friendships: I value true friendships. I put high regards on people. I try to make things work out if it even matters anymore. I take it hard when something doesn't work out, and I try not to look back when all is done. But in the end, if it does not work out, I feel like true crap, which they don't even know about. I end up being alone, like usual again.

    I experienced something like this, too, where I felt so betrayed, I didn't think I'd ever be able to trust anyone again.

    The good news is that you will go back to being your normal self,
    the bad news is it will probably take a while.

    I'm sorry for the pain you're experiencing.
    You're probably experiencing something like grief.
    If you go through the grieving process, you should be okay when you are done.

  4. #14

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    Social anxiety? Really? My best friend is INTP and sometimes she looks more socially comfortable than me. She talks to everyone politely, never asking personal questions.

    We met in uni. She's beautiful, quiet, and most people think she's "mysterious".

    Alot of people think she looks like a ninja or female assasin.

    The thing is, she's probably one of the most unbias people I know, I can ask her about anything and she'd give a really objective viewpoint of anything.

    One time, I made her reallly, really angry and she got stressed and yelled at me. It surprised me because she seldom shows negative emotions. She's usually happy in her quiet, silent way.

    You know what? After staring at her for a while, I told her to calm down...(she did, visibly almost immediately) and then we talked things through.

    I have seen her stressed over work, though I was probably the only person who has ever made her angry.

    Strangely enough, my INTP friend is less cynical than I am.

    I gotta say though, the first time I met her, I thought in my head "Bitch." She told me she had no personal bias towards me the first time she met me. She was the one who had been asking me out politely during our uni days. I hated her guts until one day she talked about her being an INTP and thinking I was too. We argued about it, and at the end of the day found ourselves to be friends.

    Perhaps objectivity would be your best tool in making friends. The funny thing about my INTP friend was that, the first few times we met casually, we were very polite with one another and everything went ok. It was when she started talking about the whole "INTP" thing that things changed between us, it was as if she wanted to tell me about herself and then she grew slightly nervous visibly.

  5. #15
    Senior Member chippinchunk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    Sorry to hear about you losing a friend like that. :sad:

    When you're ready to try to make new friends, I suggest taking somewhat of an extravert approach. Instead of focusing one new friend, make several.
    The extravert approach is nearly impossible for someone who is a total introvert. They'd have such a hard time doing something like that. I think it's best to just act like yourself and see who comes to you.
    Last edited by chippinchunk; 02-04-2008 at 11:12 PM.
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  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by chippinchunk View Post
    The extravert approach is nearly impossible for someone who is a total introvert. They'd have such a hard time doing something like that. I think it's best to just act like yourself and see who comes to you.
    Or it could be easier :P
    Being you don't care about the value of every small connection...

    Then just keep the ones you like (care about them later)

  7. #17
    a white iris elfinchilde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by intpgirl View Post
    I'm an INTP..

    And lately, I'm losing more trust in "friends".

    I've been lessening myself to making any or even keeping the ones I have close.


    Is this an INTP curse? I'm feeling like crap right now.

    I lost a friend that I trusted, and now I can't seem to get over that. I had been so into him for years. Then now he shot through my heart and now I'm completely shut down. He decided not to be my friend anymore because he made up some excuse for him not to trust me. My quirky spirit has now gone. The only guy who made me FEEL. Made me think LESS. He decided to unfriend me. Now I'm lost.


    Now I'm frightened a bit of entering or making new relationships. I also have a bit of social anxiety, and I tend to isolate myself from people when I feel that I'm too 'smothered'. I need my space... and when it happens, they try to 'help' which what I wasn't asking for, which forces me try to avoid them completely. Then I lose 1 more friend.


    So what do I do, how can I get friends or keep friends now that I'm more cynical and unstrusting of others.. This is not the way friendship is supposed to work..



    My view on friendships: I value true friendships. I put high regards on people. I try to make things work out if it even matters anymore. I take it hard when something doesn't work out, and I try not to look back when all is done. But in the end, if it does not work out, I feel like true crap, which they don't even know about. I end up being alone, like usual again.

    it's ok, my dear... perhaps just a bit of sharing from my personal experience? take of it what resonates and helps, alright? and don't worry, you aren't alone in this. after all, if it's a curse, hey, let's do an intps unite and kick-ass it!

    but i digress...

    intps tend to have very high standards, mostly, of themselves. which is why it makes life difficult for the people around them. that's a fact, unfortunately. but we shouldn't just focus on our own flaws, isn't it? after all, with every negative, there's a positive.

    so it's about strengthening what's strong in you, and shoring up the flaws. Don't look without for approval and affirmation. Approval has first to come from within. Once you have that, you will be calmer, and that equips one to deal better with real world relationships, and stuff that happens.

    two of the most important things i've learnt, with regards to intp flaws (or perhaps just my own):

    1) let it go. --what's past is past. Difficult, and the pain is always there, but. in order to heal, to become better, one has to let go. Keep the lessons, but focus on the healing. Use rationality as your guide. Take nothing personally. Remember that it isn't about a blame game. not about you being crap---you may feel like crap, but please remember that you are NOT crap--it's simply, mismatch of personalities.

    2) always give measure for measure. Trouble with being intp is the tendency for an all-or-nothing approach. one loves with an affection that is childlike and almost pure in its intensity. And to give so totally, and find it rebuffed, it hurts like hell.

    Well, that's the real world. Ascertain the worth of the other before you give your heart the next time, alright? Measure for measure. You do not give to those who are not worthy. May sound arrogant, yes, but a bit of self protection is always necessary in the real world. Never leave yourself so vulnerable again.

    It is not about being cynical. It is about being self aware, of yourself, your tendency for weaknesses (over-trusting), and your environment. Once you've established rationally that the other person can be true, that is when slowly, you start to give back.

    Like a dance, yea? One leads, the other follows. INTP curve ball for you, my dear. Be the perfect follow. Use Ne to guide you. INTPs have intuition. Use that gift.

    And hey, let's not keep looking at the down side! what about the pluses?

    INTPs are great company (when we're sane. haha), cos we're very open to new experiences. our enthusiasms are childlike. It is an affection that is pure and selfless. Imagination always makes for a great companionship. you can trust an INTP to come up with all sorts of weird and whacky ideas. and have i mentioned spontaneity and open mindedness? the fact is, intps may seem hypercritical, but we're actually very open-minded and unprejudicial. if anything, we're critical only of ourselves.

    doesn't the above ring true with you?

    it's about measurement. about tempering oneself, as one grows older, i guess. experience is the best teacher in life.

    Quote Originally Posted by hungrypossum View Post
    Social anxiety? Really? My best friend is INTP and sometimes she looks more socially comfortable than me. She talks to everyone politely, never asking personal questions.

    We met in uni. She's beautiful, quiet, and most people think she's "mysterious".

    Strangely enough, my INTP friend is less cynical than I am.

    Perhaps objectivity would be your best tool in making friends.
    i get that a lot IRL too. which is funny, because i never once thought about appearing mysterious. was just wrapt in my own world.

    but there you have it, intp girl. we can appear mysterious and beautiful and oh-so-cool. how's that for appeal?

    reality, my dear. which do you choose to believe? only you can know who you really are, within. So don't let this blue funk get you down. cheers.
    You gave me hyacinths first a year ago;
    They called me the hyacinth girl.
    Yet when we came back, late, from the Hyacinth garden,
    Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not
    Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither
    Living nor dead, and I knew nothing,
    Looking into the heart of light, the silence.

    --T.S Eliot, The Wasteland

  8. #18
    you are right mippus's Avatar
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    I am saying this without irony: this is a very touching and powerfull answer, elfinchilde. Thank you!
    Last edited by mippus; 02-10-2008 at 04:19 PM.
    Vanitas vanitatum omnia vanitas

  9. #19
    Junior Member ShyINTP's Avatar
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    Wow, you are very sentimental for an INTP!

    I have lost only one friend that I cared about .. I got rid of him when he violated some of my principles, I have not regretted it for a moment. I have very high standards for friendship .. and very few friends.

    In my experience, NTs make best friends with other NTs, everybody else is bound to behave irrationally at some point and hurt an INTP if INTP becomes to attached to him/her.

    It is not that NTs do not make mistakes, it is that is nearly impossible to have a rational discussion about what happened with anybody but NTs, the rest is just to emotional, subjective, ahh well .. consider it a learning experience.
    --- male, INTx (56,56,67,+/-16)% Princeton, NJ 08540 ---

  10. #20
    Senior Member Cypocalypse's Avatar
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    I'm an INTP with a pretty developed Fi

    I guess I've realized that Fi affects my motivation for doing things, and I can't rely everything that I do on what rationality dictates to me. Not everything is empirical (like what most TJs would think) and certainly, having relationships is not built on determining who's right.

    My default INTP mode never really built good stable friendships with anyone, especially if I pump up the Ti and the Ne, making some of my friends think that I make them look stupid. Sad reality, but this is how other people view the stereotypical INTP.

    Being in touch with my personal feelings, even if I have a pathetic Fe, can at least give me an idea on how one may feel, even if it still has to be interpreted by my Fi. At least when that side of me is present, I still manage to have some friends, and some really good ones, especially the INFPs

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