User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 32

  1. #21
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    intp
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx
    Posts
    7,823

    Default

    i wouldnt mind at all if someone asked me that, and i dont think that there is anything rude or pushy about it, IF the other person is not wanting some answer to the question that i dont want to say.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  2. #22
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    I think telling him in a non confronting way would be the best, maybe add a little humor to it. Thats one thing enfjs should be good at when it comes to intps

    Plus he seems committed if you ask me, with the emailing twice a day, bringing you out to meet "special" friends, giving you gifts out of no where. Thats usually something that I really like doing, when a girl gives me that warm feeling thinking about her. Gifts in the sense of something I stumble upon that I know she really likes. The flowers and so on, is less likely. It might be insignificant gifts to most people, like a pen that has a good grip for writing and so on.

    Maybe point out that eventhough you can see that he likes you, words means a lot more to you. The post about how an intp just need time to figure out and then will reach a point where it just comes out of the blue is something I agree on. Once committed Im pretty hard to get rid off in more than one way

  3. #23
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    341

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wildcat View Post
    He can write the affirmation down, on a piece of carboard, and she can attach it somewhere (fridge door?).
    He can put an X under the affirmation every day, to show it is valid.
    What if he forgets one day?

    Actually this won't work for us at this point because we don't actually see each other or occupy the same living space every day.

    Quote Originally Posted by slowriot View Post
    I think telling him in a non confronting way would be the best, maybe add a little humor to it. Thats one thing enfjs should be good at when it comes to intps

    Plus he seems committed if you ask me, with the emailing twice a day, bringing you out to meet "special" friends, giving you gifts out of no where. Thats usually something that I really like doing, when a girl gives me that warm feeling thinking about her. Gifts in the sense of something I stumble upon that I know she really likes. The flowers and so on, is less likely. It might be insignificant gifts to most people, like a pen that has a good grip for writing and so on.

    Maybe point out that eventhough you can see that he likes you, words means a lot more to you. The post about how an intp just need time to figure out and then will reach a point where it just comes out of the blue is something I agree on. Once committed Im pretty hard to get rid off in more than one way
    I'm not typically confrontational unless I'm angry. Then watch out! :P Good thing I don't get angry very often.
    The little gifts he has given me have really delighted me, and you're right in that they're usually something thoughtful and useful as opposed to just token.

    How are you hard to get rid of?

  4. #24
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    Even more funny was that it wasn't a direct compliment, built into something else he was bemoaning!

    After I identified this to him, his face looked like this and all he said was "I didn't?". So typically INTP where what he thought, he had thought he had expressed or that I should know he felt this way. Made me laugh pretty hard.

    He wasn't much into compliments or verbally expressing feelings where most of his compliments were backhanded and usually surrounded intellect, which was fine with me. While it's nice to be given compliments once in awhile, too many or too effusive become kind of meaningless and feel insincere.

    He does respect my opinion and insight, although I can't say we've had deep discussions. I've recently started to ask him to tell me random stories, and I've certainly felt closer to him and like I understand him better since we've had those conversations. He does let me know some of his theories, but I still feel in this regard he hasn't opened up to me very much. Recently he's shown more interest in teaching me one of his hobbies (which I've expressed interest in learning), so I hope to see him in his element for that.
    If you've been dating for 5 months and he's only reached this point now, he's a very slow starter. But with their need for autonomy, pushing beyond his comfort zone would have created an auto-eject reaction from him.

    We both got really excited when we played chess together one night and realized we were *very* closely matched. As in, throughout the game we had pretty much the same pieces on the board, and when he finally checkmated me, I was one move away from checkmating him. I think since then we've both realized that not only do we get along well, but also we're well-matched intellectually. Until then I always thought he was much more smart than myself.
    This is great that you've found something you enjoy doing together. The more compatible interests, the more you'll be able to connect.
    It does surprise me when he wants to spend large chunks of time with me, and to be honest it delights me. I've gotten used to it but sometimes when he withdraws it's sudden and confusing. I usually just assume he needs his head space and he'll come back around when he's ready to be social again. I've told him in the past that it's OK for him to have his alone time and space, and that I don't want to crowd him. I rarely ask him out or call and let him come to me when he wants to be social.
    The bolded is concerning. While it's okay for anyone to need some space, there has to be some form of communication to the other person that you have this need. Not begging or asking for space but telling the other person that you need to focus on other aspects for awhile so don't think x person is avoiding or pushing away y person. This way, both of your needs are taken into consideration.

  5. #25
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    341

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    If you've been dating for 5 months and he's only reached this point now, he's a very slow starter. But with their need for autonomy, pushing beyond his comfort zone would have created an auto-eject reaction from him.
    He's mentioned that his past relationships grew out of friendships he had with people, whereas we had a more typical meet-and-date-and-get-involved kind of relationship. Also, I think he is making sure that we are truly compatible and fit well together as opposed to just looking good as a match on paper and that our friends expected it (we met through mutual friends).

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    This is great that you've found something you enjoy doing together. The more compatible interests, the more you'll be able to connect.
    We have a lot of interests/activities in common, but I think the chess thing was where we really realized we were intellectual equals. I think the assumption (at least my initial assumption) was that he was standard deviations smarter than me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    The bolded is concerning. While it's okay for anyone to need some space, there has to be some form of communication to the other person that you have this need. Not begging or asking for space but telling the other person that you need to focus on other aspects for awhile so don't think x person is avoiding or pushing away y person. This way, both of your needs are taken into consideration.
    He's only really pulled away like that once, and afterwards I did tell him that it was OK for him to need his head space or time to think on his own, but that if he needed to pull away like that to tell me so that I don't wonder if I did something to push him away. He acknowledged that he could have handled it better and that he also is not typically like that. He didn't discuss with me what it was that he needed to think about.

  6. #26
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    I'm not typically confrontational unless I'm angry. Then watch out! :P Good thing I don't get angry very often.
    The little gifts he has given me have really delighted me, and you're right in that they're usually something thoughtful and useful as opposed to just token.

    How are you hard to get rid of?
    Its not neccesarily confrontational if you have an issue you need to get adressed in a relationship, thats usually a proactive approach if you ask me. Ofcourse depends on the context, yes. But reasonable issues, ofcourse they should be adressed.

    Not in anyone psycho way, just in the sense that I take intimate relations with people really serious. Especially if its someone Im potentially going to live with. Clingy or anything like that, no.

  7. #27
    Consulting Detective Mr. Sherlock Holmes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    JiNe
    Enneagram
    5W4
    Posts
    1,456

    Default

    Fee...lings?
    JiNe
    Ti | Fi | Ne | Si | Te | Ni | Fe | Se
    Enneagram: 5w4 sx/sp

    "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

    "It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts."

  8. #28
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    341

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Sherlock Holmes View Post
    Fee...lings?
    Yes.

    You have a gooey, feeling-ful center that must be gotten to. And then !

  9. #29
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    awwww I love ENFJs!

  10. #30
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    341

    Default

    I love INTPs too. Especially the gooey center.

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] INTPs and feeling uncomfortable
    By goodgrief in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: 05-13-2010, 07:39 AM
  2. [INTP] INTPs and feelings.
    By jixmixfix in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 10-30-2009, 11:14 PM
  3. [INTP] The INTP and Feelings
    By reason in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 121
    Last Post: 04-04-2008, 11:02 AM
  4. [INTP] INTPs and Grammar
    By MerkW in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 49
    Last Post: 02-17-2008, 07:06 AM
  5. [INTP] INTPs and life
    By JonJT in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 01-24-2008, 08:53 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO