[INTP] INTPs and interaction

[Pandorous pelican]

*first post*

I have a question about an INTP friend of mine, directed mostly toward INTPs, but also INTJs (my type) and anyone else who would like to contribute.

So, the question is, how do you interact with your friends when not physically present?

The background to this is that I've been massively unsure about the status of a relationship with an INTP co-worker, although I recently discovered I'm considered a friend. What I am unsure of is how to interact with said INTP outside of the work context. I can tend to be fairly personable in written communication (i.e. text message, email) and am not sure if I should expect responses in a similar vein - sometimes I get friendly replies and other times not - superficial or no response.

I'm unsure as to whether I am being superflous in trying to maintain some kind of personal connection when we're not hanging out or whether he is just uncomfortable communicating on that level at that point in time. It takes energy for me to be personal, and is a bit of a risk, so if it is unimportant for me to be friendly in between times I just won't bother! Of potential relevance is also that he is significantly older than me and in a more senior position at work.

 

[INTPness]

First off, him being in a more senior position could play a role in how he interacts with you. He's got to know he can trust you before he's going to have any kind of "personal relationship". He's not going to risk his career being personable with a psycho who might air out his dirty laundry. Not saying you're a psycho, but INTP's see *possibilities*, including worst-case possibilities and if he's smart he isn't going to become real personal until he knows it won't come back and bite him in the workplace.

Other than that, if I don't respond to someone's text it means simply that I don't want to respond at that moment. I'm engaged in something else and I'll get back to you when I'm sitting on the couch watching a game or doing something unimportant. If I keep it superficial - pretty much the same thing, I'm acknowledging that I got your text, but I'm not looking to go any further at the moment. I'm busy or otherwise engaged.

If I want to text you and get friendly, I'll find a way to do that. If I don't want that, then it won't happen. Be willing to let the friendship grow very gradually. Keep it lighthearted, humorous (or intellectual works too), and don't be clingy. Be an autonomous adult that doesn't *need* me to jump when you text me.

I'm not sure if he's an Enneagram 5 INTP (like myself), but there are a lot of INTP 5's out there. The description in this link, although not all-encompassing, is insanely accurate in regards to how to get along with me and how to get on my last nerve. http://www.9types.com/descr/5/

 

[Pandorous pelican]

Cool, thanks for the response, it is helpful and along the lines that I've been thinking. The generation of worst case scenarios with INTPs is something I've read mentioned, but is still little alien to me. Reflecting on it, I've been trusted with a lot of information that he wouldn't want shared - both personal and professional - but I still find myself unsure of what to expect and how I am supposed to behave.

I think part of the problem is that we're both most likely fives (good link, by the way, I like the summary) and I am very conscious of not wanting to impose... but at the same time, he's really interesting and would like to get to know him better and suspect he may also. That's where I find it difficult I guess, I'm not sure if I need to give reassurance that I can be trusted and appreciate his trust in order to encourage the friendship along, or if it is entirely unneccessary and he will let it develop at his pace regardless what I do.

Thus far I've initiated pretty much nothing and just taken the opportunities to hang out and talk as he's presented them, but subtly let him know that I appreciate them and kept in touch in between times. I'll continue to let him determine the course of the friendship, but my I feel a bit like I'm putting myself out there by contacting him outside when we're actually present in the same room (a few times a fortnight) - and if this is something unneccessary or annoying, I'd stop it!