[NT] Need advice on grumpy INT child

[jenocyde]

In my humble opinion- respect isn't learnt, it's earned- and you earn a child's respect by being fair and consistent. I've met 9 year olds who behave in mature and responsible ways- not because anybody put such a "burden" on them, but because they were raised in conditions and environments where being mature and responsible was simply the natural order of things.

um, yeah - I'll be more specific. A kid needs to learn to be respectful of his/her parents. If the parents behave respectfully, the child will learn to behave the same way... respectful behavior, like everything else, is learned.

But whether a child is well behaved or respectful or not, maturity is something that can only come with time. A kid is just a kid, and you can't expect them not to be a kid just because they exasperate you.

 

[visaisahero]

I agree about respectful behaviour!

That said, I'd like to add that I don't think maturity is directly related to the passage of time- we've all met young people who're more mature than their peers, as well as old, immature people, haven't we?

I think it's closer related to experience- and of course, collecting experiences takes time. I want to just voice out my concern that some people may incorrectly assume that maturity naturally comes with time, because it doesn't. (I'm being nitpicky, I know- but the maturity of an individual is serious business.

I also think quality of experiences count a little more than quantity- kids in dire circumstances are known to mature really fast, for example.

Kids will be kids, of course... but childhood is a bridge, not a destination- and we should always do all we can to help children (and adults!) progress and mature. I talk to my nephew (he's 3) like he's an adult, and I find that he doesn't mind it at all!

I'm obviously indulging in confirmation bias if I say that me treating him like he ought to be mature and responsible plays a part in driving him to actually be more mature and responsible. I can't prove that.

What we can establish, I think, is that kids who aren't expected to be mature and responsible are less likely to actually become mature and responsible on their own. (That sums up the message of this entire post.)

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

Video Games.

 

[NotOfTwo]

My poor ESFP mother had these problems with me. I used to be in a bad mood and she would try so hard to cheer me up. I would just get angrier and tell her, "Stop trying to jolly me up!!!" I got so upset. Finally she would go back upstairs, or my family would just leave me home, and like magic I felt better. The pressure to be happy was off and I could be happy. I still have this tendency and so does she but we understand each other much better now. It only took 30 years.

 

[Spamtar]

The pressure to be happy was off and I could be happy. I still have this tendency and so does she but we understand each other much better now. It only took 30 years.

Growing up in California I felt there was an undue pressure to smile a lot. In my teenage days I rebelled against this and avoided smiling much and would get creative pleasure of imagining a cynical spin to otherwise Norman Rockwell settings. My parents essentially never cow-tailed to this attitude and I would change my tune temporarily if I actually wanted/needed something from them.

OPs job is to provide an environment where the child is safe, nourished and educated. Your job isn't to wait hand and foot on the child. In general don't respond positively to the child's negative behavior beyond giving him some time on his own.

Let the kid lobby for what they really desire by showing respect, creative brainstorming/persuasion and gratitude.

 

[Shimmy]

More discipline, a child should not be allowed to act that spoiled. Don't be rude, unfair or aggressive . Just be dominant enough to make him realize you're boss.