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  1. #41
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike5609 View Post
    Because the man would then have to exercise lordship and mastery over his woman. A modern man might be as fed up to the back teeth with being expected to compress himself into a timeworn stereotypical macho-male role as the modern woman is in submitting herself to it. In short, the man may want a partner, not a doormat-cum-housekeeper.
    What is this "modern man" of which you speak?
    He interethts me.... Have him scrubbed and sent to my tent.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #42
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    I am sick of the laundry list of expectations in relationships.

    I just want someone who can enjoy the moment truly. Who can laugh and find the absurdness of life amusing.

  3. #43
    Senior Member Ism's Avatar
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    I worry about the fact that I act as a kind of 'harbor' for my boyfriend, sometimes.

    Shit, dude. I can only take so many bad feels.

    He feels safe enough come to me for his problems, which is awesome; but it has drawbacks, too. I don't want it to become the main appeal.

    It can feel self-effacing, and it's kind of saddening, but that's because it's the only way I know how to approach people with their ordeals. I just need to work out a new game plan.


    At the same time, I feel like this is more a natural consequence of being the more easy-going one, rather than being female. Still sucks.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ism View Post
    I worry about the fact that I act as a kind of 'harbor' for my boyfriend, sometimes.

    Shit, dude. I can only take so many bad feels.

    He feels safe enough come to me for his problems, which is awesome; but it has drawbacks, too. I don't want it to become the main appeal.

    It can feel self-effacing, and it's kind of saddening, but that's because it's the only way I know how to approach people with their ordeals. I just need to work out a new game plan.


    At the same time, I feel like this is more a natural consequence of being the more easy-going one, rather than being female. Still sucks.
    If your natural instinct is to help and you change that watch for the shit storm to happen. I understand you're trying to say its not the only thing, but my inclination is that you're going for a makeover.

    Just be happy he comes to you with problems. That's a big investment I'd give any woman worthwhile.

  5. #45
    Senior Member Ism's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fourplay View Post
    If your natural instinct is to help and you change that watch for the shit storm to happen. I understand you're trying to say its not the only thing, but my inclination is that you're going for a makeover.

    Just be happy he comes to you with problems. That's a big investment I'd give any woman worthwhile.
    I am happy he trusts me enough. Don't think I'm not.

    My plan isn't to shut down my 'free hugs here' enterprise, but it can be a bit heavy for other reasons, so I'm going to talk with him and try and work out a fairer balance between the two of us. The consequences of that, however, aren't too favorable, so I think I'm also going to shoot for indulging more of my problems with him as well. Drawing back isn't the only option, so maybe I can feel better by requesting similar services from him - within reason, and with things I'm genuinely concerned about.

    Anyways, I brought it up because I was worried after reading the OP. I know I won't, but I want to guard myself as much as possible from the possibility of becoming supplementary to anyone's wants or needs.

  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ism View Post
    I am happy he trusts me enough. Don't think I'm not.

    My plan isn't to shut down my 'free hugs here' enterprise, but it can be a bit heavy for other reasons, so I'm going to talk with him and try and work out a fairer balance between the two of us. The consequences of that, however, aren't too favorable, so I think I'm also going to shoot for indulging more of my problems with him as well. Drawing back isn't the only option, so maybe I can feel better by requesting similar services from him - within reason, and with things I'm genuinely concerned about.

    Anyways, I brought it up because I was worried after reading the OP. I know I won't, but I want to guard myself as much as possible from the possibility of becoming supplementary to anyone's wants or needs.
    This sounds like an utter recipe for disaster when you are trying to guard yourself in a relationship. Why be in such a relationship anyways? Would you hire someone to be part of your enterprise that embezzles? Or you have a sneaking suspicion of? Check and balance type of relationships are uninspired, but you to each his own.

  7. #47
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fourplay View Post
    This sounds like an utter recipe for disaster when you are trying to guard yourself in a relationship. Why be in such a relationship anyways? Would you hire someone to be part of your enterprise that embezzles? Or you have a sneaking suspicion of? Check and balance type of relationships are uninspired, but you to each his own.
    Aren't you the member in this thread who declared he was sick of relationship expectations? If so, why would you try to guilt Ism into bowing to her partner when she has concerns that she's clearly expressed? If you missed it, he takes more than he gives in support, where she feels she needs more from him.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by andante View Post
    Aren't you the member in this thread who declared he was sick of relationship expectations? If so, why would you try to guilt Ism into bowing to her partner when she has concerns that she's clearly expressed? If you missed it, he takes more than he gives in support, where she feels she needs more from him.
    How does being sick of relationship expectations nullify what I just said? She didn't say he expected advice, just his reactionary behaviour is to come to her for problems. Like I said, to each his own, but maybe you don't understand playing it "safe" and "guarded" sounds the oppositional to love.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by andante View Post
    Aren't you the member in this thread who declared he was sick of relationship expectations? If so, why would you try to guilt Ism into bowing to her partner when she has concerns that she's clearly expressed? If you missed it, he takes more than he gives in support, where she feels she needs more from him.
    How does being sick of relationship expectations nullify what I just said? She didn't say he expected advice, just his reactionary behaviour is to come to her for problems. Like I said, to each his own, but maybe you don't understand playing it "safe" and "guarded" sounds oppositional to love.

  10. #50
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ism View Post
    so I think I'm also going to shoot for indulging more of my problems with him as well. Drawing back isn't the only option, so maybe I can feel better by requesting similar services from him - within reason, and with things I'm genuinely concerned about.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fourplay View Post
    How does being sick of relationship expectations nullify what I just said? She didn't say he expected advice, just his reactionary behaviour is to come to her for problems. Like I said, to each his own, but maybe you don't understand playing it "safe" and "guarded" sounds oppositional to love.
    Perhaps I'm misinterpreting her post but the above excerpt is quite telling. Read it again and tell me if it translates to: Ism hasn't been relying very much on her partner for emotional support. In realising how much he relies on her, she's decided to rely on him more.

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