Ever since I was a small child I fantasized about unjust things happening to me and I find myself still doing it today. I'll just start thinking about some terrible injustice happening to me and after a minute I'll break out of it realising where I've just been.
I'll be on a bus or something, and being fairly tall, when I stand towards the back of the bus my head touches the roof. Then I imagine what would happen if the bus went over a bump and pounded my head into the ceiling and seriously damage my spinal cord. And then I just go into trance imagining all the horrible possbilities.
First I go to hospital, spend weeks recuperating, get back out, go on another bus, refuse to go down the back for fear of what happened last time, and then getting in a big argument with all the other people for not moving down until finally I relent, move down and I snap my neck again.
And then I realise what I've been thinking about for the last couple of minutes and scold myself for being so ridiculously self-indulgent.
In all these situations I imagine, I actively think about the logical explanations I would give to people, who, in these masochistic fanatasies, are always completely irrational and lead me to further unjust harm.
I never decide to imagine these things, they just leap into my consciousness without my realising it. And the thing is, there's always part of me that enjoys it.
I mean you could analyse this to death and say that I fanatsize (Ne) about being in unsafe situations (Si) and think of logical explanations (Ti) to reason against emotional unrational antagonists (immature Fe Anima) but I just want to know if this happens to anybody else......
....and whether I should seek professional help for some kind of persecution anxiety.